'AITA for giving my husband a pregnancy test as a birthday gift?' 'You HID it?' UPDATED
"AITA for giving my husband a pregnancy test as a bday gift?"
Hi, I am f23, my husbands m25 birthday was one week ago. We've wanted a baby for a really long time, and when I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited! Knowing my husbands birthday was in 3 days, I decided to keep it a secret...
...and give the test to him as part of his bday gift, because he wouldn't be expecting it, in my head it would make it more shocking=exciting? At least that's how I thought it would be. Perhaps that was a dumb thought.
Now, this was not going to be a big party with tons of people. My husband didn't want that, so it was just gonna be the two of us, he was gonna open his gifts, we were gonna eat a nice dinner, and it was going to be chill and intimate.
With this in mind, I didn't think giving him the pregnancy test as a gift would be a problem at all. If it were a big party I wouldn't have done it, because it would've taken the entire focus off of him, but this was a small party, just me and him!
When it came for me to give him his gifts, the pregnancy test was in a small box and I told him to open it last. He was super happy with all of his gifts, and when he opened the box with the pregnancy test in it, his demeanor changed.
He seemed upset. I asked what was wrong and he said it was "a stupid gift" and "how could you hide something like this from me? You knew this for so long and hid it??"
I explained to him it was 3 days. I thought it would be a wonderful gift. Like I said, we've wanted a baby for so long, and I thought he'd be happy. He said that he was happy, but the timing for me to tell him was horrible and that it was his birthday, not a celebration of pregnancy.
I was confused, hurt, upset. So many emotions at once. I called him immature, and that led to a fight. He slept on the couch that night. This past week, he hasn't talked to me too much.
Whenever I try to bring it up he says "just stop, were past it. It was dumb of you." Stuff like that. He doesn't tell me how happy he is, or any celebration about us being pregnant. Whenever I talk to him, he doesn't really reply, its just yes or no, or a grunt.
I feel horrible. I didn't think this would be a bad gift. I thought he'd love it. AITAH for doing this? I really thought it was ok, but I'm starting to think he's right, I shouldn't have done this.
UPDATE:
After reading replies, I'd to clear up a few things.
1) No, my husband has not ever acted this way towards me before. We've argued before, but it has never led to the point where he ignores me.
2) To all the comments asking what I mean by "wanting a baby for a really long time", we've been married for 4 years and we agreed from the start about wanting children.
3) Yes, we've been trying to have a baby. I didn't stop taking birth control secretly, nor did we stop using protection "accidentally". This was something we were both originally wanting.
4) I didn't tell anyone before him. He was the first person to know.
5) I thought I clearly stated we were alone for the " party" but, we were alone. there wasn't other people around to hear. it was just us.
6) Also idk how to get rid of these numbers so ignore them. But, I don't want to kick him out or leave him. I really would appreciate advice on how to go about talking to him if you have any advice.
7) I don't want to terminate the pregnancy.
Here's what people had to say about this one:
hagrho said:
I’m really sorry to say this, but you need to decide whether you are okay being a single mom and then go from there. This is a BIG red flag. If you aren’t okay being a single mom, while simultaneously retaining a connection to this man for the rest of your life, you need to consider your options.
I’m not saying you will 100% end up a single mom, but this certainly does not point to a healthy relationship or a future healthy family life. This is not the reaction of a man who is excited or happy about the prospect of a child.
I don’t know whether that means he lied to you, has something he’s hiding from you, or if maybe you just didn’t see the signs before this. Alas, it is not uncommon for someone to switch after finding out their partner is pregnant.
Just be careful and really consider whether this is something you want for yourself. You are NTA. This is a really sad way to be treated by your husband upon revealing a positive pregnancy test after x months of TTC. Sending love and strength!
icecreamdonna said:
NTA! I’ve known women a lot of women who waited for birthday, Xmas, anniversary etc…to do this for a surprise! I hate to say this but I think there’s an issue with him about not wanting a child now, or other insecurity or selfishness.
b$tchybarbie82 said:
He doesn’t want a child, either right now or possibly not with you. He’s not acting happy because he’s not happy.
DrivewayGrappler said:
NTA. My oldest daughter is 9. I still have the positive pregnancy test my wife gave me as a gift in a little box when she told me. It wasn’t a bday gift but I’m pretty sure she didn’t tell me immediately that time. It meant a lot to me, and still does.
Street_Sand_8788 said:
NTA, and I don't think that he wants kids...OP, I'm so, so sorry!
Intrepid_Parsley_655 said:
NTA. I have bad news for him if he feels like birthdays need to be all about him… that’s gonna go out the window when y’all have kids. I would be able to move on if he was willing to talk about it, but his constant insistence of, “it was dumb of you,” is SO nasty. I’d think very seriously if you want to remain married and have a baby with this man
Apart-Scene-9059 said:
Devil's advocate: I wonder if he's feeling the same way some people feel when they get proposed to on their birthday. That they get upset because yes it's something they want but why do it on the one day meant for them.
The-Wise-Weasel said:
NTA...it wasn't like the only gift...and you saved the best for last. and honestly, if he's sulking and pouting about THAT, because his "birthday" was ruined...he damn sure isn't ready to be a FATHER. And quite frankly, calling you DUMB, doesn't sound like he was ready to be a husband either. Is he 25 or 12?