AITA for going inside my ex’s house? My boyfriend thinks it was disrespectful.
AITA for going inside my ex’s house?
I (37F) was married to my ex-husband (42M) for 16 years. We got married really young, and we have two kids (7 and 11). We divorced about a year and a half ago, and honestly, we get along better now than we ever did married.
Our co-parenting relationship is really solid. He still lives in the house we bought together, and I have my own place.
We split custody 50/50. Here’s the part that’s causing drama: I regularly go inside his house when I’m picking up or dropping off the kids.
Sometimes it’s just to grab something they forgot for school, sometimes it’s because they’re not ready yet, and sometimes it’s just to talk for a bit about issues going on with the kids, school, etc. It is literally always about the kids. There are zero romantic feelings there (he even has a girlfriend), and for both of us, it just feels natural and easy.
The issue is with my new boyfriend. We’ve been dating a couple months, and he says it’s super uncomfortable for him that I go into my ex’s house at all. He thinks I should just wait in the driveway, garage, or car, and only talk to my ex when it’s strictly about the kids. He feels it’s “disrespectful” for me to spend time in there and have long conversations with my ex.
From my perspective, we’re co-parents, we’re friends, and being on good terms makes life better for the kids. But my boyfriend clearly feels strongly about it. I think I should be able to go inside the house without it being a huge deal. AITA for going into my ex’s house and keeping a close co-parenting relationship?
Here's what people had to say to OP.
goldengirl4201 wrote:
NTA if your ex is okay with it, which it sounds like he is- like you said, it’s literally stuff relating to the kids, and you guys are both parents of the kids. Your new bf doesn’t get a say in what happens regarding your co-parenting relationship (which sounds fairly healthy and non-toxic based on what you’ve written!).
Your new boyfriend is trying to pass his insecurities off onto you, when what he needs to do is learn how to deal with them in a healthy way that doesn’t involve you.
Firm-Molasses-4913 wrote:
Absolutely NTA. This boyfriend is new and showing you early that you are incompatible. Do not let his insecurities sabotage the calm co-parenting relationship you have.
Since this is how you have conducted yourself since the separation it’s no reflection on the boyfriend at all. It’s not disrespectful because it’s your baseline behaviour and predates him. Please seriously reconsider this new relationship.
Alarmed_anybody425 wrote:
NTA: My ex just told his girlfriend that if she had a problem with it it was too bad because this is how it is and will always be.
OP lose the boyfriend, he won't change and your kids deserve to have their parents have a great co-parenting relationship.
DRHdez wrote:
NTA. Your BF is not ready to date someone who is divorced and has kids. He’s showing you his attempt at controlling you and your relationship with your ex. Pay attention.
TheWacoFogey wrote:
NTA and a big red flag. He's trying to control you after only a couple of months. Take a pass and start looking for better company. And good on both you and your ex for providing a stress-free co-parenting relationship for your kids. That's the real priority, not a new boyfriend who wants to start flexing his need for control or his insecurities.
the_booktender wrote:
NTA. Your bf just threw up a red flag. Waiting outside would be fine if there was a problem between you two, but it does not sound like that is the case. And that is great. It is also between you and your ex. This bf does not get a say in how you and your ex do what is best for your children. Kind of a red flag.
capn_ginger wrote:
NTA, but this is a big red flag. "Disrespectful" implies that you're the property of your bf, and that his property rights are not being respected. "Disrespectful" is not a word one would use to describe the behavior of a whole human person with agency and relationships outside of current dating who has done literally nothing wrong.
True-Presentation726 wrote:
The new boyfriend won't last. He doesn't understand, and will never understand your solid relationship with your ex. And at two months he's already trying to alienate you from the ex. Just no.
Don't let this new guy ruin your great co-parenting friendship. If only all ex's were able to do it as well as you do with your ex. Your kids are hugely benefitting from your mature relationship with your ex. Your new boyfriend's insecurities will ruin the status quo if you even give him an inch. He's not mature enough to date you. NTA.
kslmp33 wrote:
NTA and you might want to look for a new boyfriend. This jealous this early in a relationship is a huge no in my opinion.
evermore1321 wrote:
So what you’re saying is your current boyfriend is so insecure he cant understand that you could possibly be on good non-romatic terms with your ex who you spent most of your adult life with and wants to ruin that coparenting relationship (which is GOOD for your kids) to make him feel better about himself?? Hahahhahaha girl dump him.