'AITA for hating my wife's creepy hobby project? She obsesses over our neighbor's marriages.' UPDATED

"AITAH for hating my wife's creepy 'hobby project?'"

Okay this sounds insane but I SWEAR my wife is totally normal otherwise-- which makes this so strange to me! For context we're both in our later thirties and live in a pretty typical suburban neighborhood where we all know each other.

My wife has always loved trashy movies and shows about infidelities, and she eats up true cr-me about spouses offing their cheating partners too. She just says something about it makes her "morbidly fascinated" in her words.

Well, a couple months back we had a scandal in our neighborhood where a married couple in the neighborhood divorced because the husband cheated. No, there wasn't a m--der or anything like that, but she became obsessed with learning every detail from every neighbor. No matter the occasion, be it a baby shower or cookout, she would bring it up hoping there would be any new information.

A month later is when I stumbled on "the board" in her home office. I was doing some cleaning and I found a massive bulletin board facing away leaned up against the wall. Curiousity got the better of my and I turned it around to find a literal freaking CONSPIRACY BOARD of all our neighbors' pictures with lines of yarn connecting each other like the freaking Pepe Silvia meme.

I was totally confused and asked where what this was and she told me it was a hobby she had started recently where she would track rumors or likely candidates for cheating on the board. The yarn represented who was possibly cheating with whom.

She had clearly gotten all the images on Facebook or some social media and printed them out and even had a few sticky notes with "details." I told her this was creepy and insane and she said maybe if I was doing it as a man, but she is just having harmless fun as a hobby and she wouldn't be crazy and try to oust anyone based on rumors, she just likes feeling like a detective.

She told me to view it like a creative art piece. I was still super weirded out but let it go, or tried. I thought about it a lot. Well every now and then I admit to checking the board when cleaning, but just a couple days ago I looked to see that now I was on the board with a yarn attached to a neighbor's wife I am casual friends with??

I asked her why she would add me if she thought I was cheating and she said that was a different yarn color for potential "matches" for cheating? She said if it makes me feel better she was planning on adding herself to the board soon. Well I got pissed and kind of lost my temper about it.

I told her to get rid of the board or our marriage will be in trouble. Things have been super rocky since. Sorry for the long post, I am starting to feel bad and it hit me more than usual this morning. Should I apologize to her? And before you ask, no, I don't suspect her of cheating. Honestly I wish she was because it would at least make more sense than this. AITAH??

The internet had a lot to say in response.

shutupimlurkingbro wrote:

I really couldn’t see it getting weirder until she mentioned adding herself to the board. This is a strange game your wife’s playing and it seems like an unhealthy obsession with infidelity.

Good_Focus2665 wrote:

NTA. I’m big fan of true crime myself and can be nosy about neighborhood gossip. But I would use my yarn to crochet stuff while I watch or listen to True Cr-me YouTube channels. It’s absolutely creepy for her to print out pictures of her neighbors and then speculating about you and another neighbor.

You don’t have to be ok with whatever your spouse does. I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes.

Tall-Negotiation6623 wrote:

NTA. Obsession is not healthy and isn’t a hobby. She’s borderline st@lking people because of some weird obsession with the concept of infidelity. She needs therapy. I wouldn’t have stayed for a second if my husband did this creepy s-t.

allroadshome wrote:

NTA. First of all you should mention to her that you and the people in your social circles are real people not characters to write weird fanfic about. The board is just straight up inappropriate, the thoughts on that board are what we call Inside Thoughts aka shouldn't be spoken aloud or scrapbooked.

But really reinforce the part where it is absolutely insane to be so obsessed with the people in your lives and speculating everyone is cheating or otherwise a Cinematic Universe of true crime and her lack of shame about it Super Concerning. You have to evaluate whether you're okay with being attached to the town gossip (who also leaves obvious, creepy evidence of being the town gossip where it is easily found).

Second: She mentioned adding herself to the cheater board she is basically soft launching the idea.

Third: Since this post is about her making weird conspiracy theories about real people let me toss one out here (in jest): what if she left it out for you to find and put you on there and said she would put herself on there to try and create some sort of weird true cr!me storyline in her own life?

Like trying to push you to break or something? 99% sure this isn't the case but also the Pepe Silva board is unhinged enough that like there is still that 1% chance.

A little less than a week later, OP shared an update.

Anyway. Jesus CHRIST. Firstly, appreciate all of the concern and NTAs. It gave me the courage to approach her and tell her that while I may have overreacted by threatening our marriage, I think it is a creepy thing to do. She apologized and said she would get rid of the board. I thought we were good. Literally two days later. TWO DAYS LATER. Sh*t hits the fan.

Our happily married next door neighbor finds a woman's bra under the bed that does not belong to her. It doesn't take long for the whole neighborhood to find out. Well, my wife is giddy, like jumping up and down for joy. She shows me the board (which she still didn't trash like she promised) and of course the husband was marked with yarn meaning he was likely to cheat.

She told me the board was accurate after all and maybe she should keep her hobby around. I was definitely suspicious, so I looked at the board again later. It looked different from the last time I saw it before the latest scandal.

Instead of the yarn connecting to another neighbor, the cheating husband's yarn connected to a post-it with a question mark. First, it was the only question mark there and I SWORE it wasn't there last time I saw the board. So either she changed it after cheating to prove a point, or slightly before it happened, which made me even more suspicious either way. Now I felt like I was the detective and I was going crazy.

I went over to the cheating husband's to ask a few questions. The wife was staying at her parents so it was just the two of us. I asked him if he actually did it and he said no, he would never. Then I asked if my wife had been over recently. He said one day while you were at work his wife asked her to water a plant they had while they were both away and told her where the key was, so yes.

I immediately raised an eyebrow. I asked if he still had the bra and he was getting nervous and told me not to get the wrong idea. I said don't worry. He still had the bra and I looked at it. It was my wife's, but one I knew she almost never wore because it was from a lingerie set I bought her one Christmas she said was uncomfortable.

I told my neighbor I needed to talk to my wife and ran out but I told him not to worry. I approached her with the bra and asked her what was going on. She played stupid but I told her to cut the BS. I asked if she had either cheated on me with him or planted it there, either way she was in trouble.

She confessed to planting the bra and said it was to make me admit her hobby was "valid" or something. I flipped on her. I said this was worse than her cheating on me because instead of ruining just our marriage she ruined our neighbors' AND ours. I demanded she call the wife and admit to everything, even sending pictures of the board.

I even showed the post which actually helped convince her my wife had planted it rather than cheated with her husband. Well they made up but now I have no idea what to do.I am barely speaking to my wife and it is only a matter of time before the entire neighborhood figures this out. I seriously need advice.

Commenters did not hold back one bit.

Cool_Description8334 wrote:

I honestly refuse to believe this is real. Your wife is actually nuts. This is insane behavior to have

Cheeseballfundue wrote:

I was thinking just the opposite - this one is so original it's GOT to be real. No AI is going to come up with this insanity, that's left to humans!

StormyDye wrote:

Sooooo I'm kinda hoping this is fake, but if it's not, then you might want to start documenting everything and file for divorce before she starts "planting" stuff on you.

blucougar57 wrote:

One word. DIVORCE.

I’m sorry but your wife deliberately interfered with someone else’s marriage, to the point where it could have been ruined, just so she could ‘validate her hobby’. She did not validate it. What she did is inexcusable imo.