'AITA for having a monthly rage room session with my sister after my wife cheated on my 6 years ago?'
"AITA for having a monthly rage room session with my sister after my wife cheated on my 6 years ago?"
I want to get a couple of things out of the way. First, I completely love my wife, she is an amazing wife and mother to our 2 children. I love her so much. Second, I have completely forgiven her for cheating on me 6 years and have no resentments whatsoever.
Now to the actual story. Long story short, my wife cheated on me 6 years ago. She had a make out session with her ex before he left the country, and she immediately confessed to me the next day. She said she was not intimate with him, and it was only limited to kissing, and I believed her. However it did take me a long time to forgive her, almost 2 years, but I ultimately did it because of her hard work.
Now, the day she confessed to cheating on me, I immediately told my sister everything, and told her I had a lot of anger and resentment but I was willing to work with my wife to forgive her. My sister recommended a rage room to deal with my anger because she herself found it very therapeutic, and she said she would join me because she too was extremely angry about my wife cheating on me.
Our first rage room session was actually extremely therapeutic, where we broke a lot of items and vented a lot. We were both laughing by the end of it. We carried this on monthly, and I told my wife about it, which she was sad about but she accepted it.
We've carried this on monthly for 6 years now. It’s become a tradition between my sister and me and we both enjoy it a lot, and it has nothing to do with my wife anymore. Although it started with vent sessions about my wife, it has now extended to venting about life in general.
However, my wife thinks it still has to do with her cheating incident, and prefers that I stop it. I’m trying to convince her that it has nothing to do with her, but she doesn’t believe me. I don’t really want to stop this rage room tradition just because my wife is sad about it. It’s something I genuinely enjoy doing. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ProfPlumDidIt said:
NTA. Tell your wife you have never lied to her and aren't lying now. That the rage room sessions stopped being about her cheating long ago and have become a bonding experience between you and your sister that you both really enjoy. If she keeps pushing, just be blunt: These sessions are for me and sister. They have nothing to do with you, and I need you to get over yourself because I'm not going to give up something enjoyable.
stickylarue said:
NTA. Don’t let her make it about her. You are doing this for you. These are her own insecurities and guilt. That’s for her to be responsible for, not you. You found something that works. She should be happy for you! But she can’t seem to see pass herself to do so. As long as you have communicated that these sessions are no longer about her cheating. Don’t stop doing something that helps you, doesn’t harm others and makes you feel good. She’s harming herself not you.
Popular_Error3691 said:
Nta. Even if it were about her, that still is her fault for cheating. It's something you enjoy that just started at that time. If you went golfing instead of the rage room back then, would she tell you to stop golfing? Sorry, she feels bad she is reminded of her cheating, but frankly, she should still feel bad and use it as fuel to never cheat again.
BikesBirdsAndBeers said:
NTA. And also, to be blunt, not your problem. Here's why. This is your wife's own guilt and insecurity. An insecurity SHE is the creator of. You did your part of the work in moving on from her cheating. She hasn't. And that's not your problem to fix. It's not a problem you even can fix. And if you try, you likely only perpetuate the issue. This is her issue to deal with on her own.
CyaneHope2000 said:
NTA. Tell her that if you could get over her cheating she can get over you going to a rage room with your sister.
Jealous-Ad1333 said:
NTA. Because she cheated. You found a healthy way to manage your anger and the bonus of being able to hang out and do something with your sister.
Good_Ad6336 said:
NTA. You found a healthy way to process your feelings. You could have picked anything, music, art, driving around town, or therapy to process your emotions. It’s not fair of your wife to ask you to give that up. Would she ask you to give up therapy? Would she tell you couldn’t drive if that was your escape? She needs to understand that this is something you enjoy.
Her resentment towards it is stemming from her insecurities. Her kissing her ex will always be a part of your story. You can 100% “live happily ever after” but you can’t change the past. Every now and then you or your wife might be reminded of the past. That’s normal. But it is in the past.