'AITA for having my wedding the same day as my SIL’s due date?'
"AITA for having my wedding the same day as my SIL’s due date?"
My fiancé (32M) and I (26F) are getting married soon. We have had everything booked and ready to go for almost 2 years because we got engaged in 2020. Coincidentally, we found out his brother’s wife / SIL (36F) was pregnant 6 months ago and the due date was the same weekend as our wedding. When they told us, we all had to be okay with them and my MIL maybe not coming because there was nothing we could do to move our date either.
The thing is, SIL miscarried 4 months ago and it’s been incredibly difficult for her. She had been trying for a while and finally got pregnant with this baby. While we were all devastated for her, the rest of the family has moved on and SIL has been extremely spiteful about this.
At first, she demanded my fiancé and I included her baby at my wedding. We were going to save seats for family members who have passed with their pictures during the ceremony and SIL wanted us to print out photos of her sonogram scans and do the same. I politely declined this idea because in all honestly I think it’s so morbid and just sad.
When I said no to this, she said she won’t be coming to the wedding anymore because this should not be a day of celebration, rather mourning for her unborn child. She is now planning a memorial and telling family and friends to attend that instead of my wedding on the same day in honor of her due date.
It’s become this huge issue in the family of people feeling guilt tripped into SIL’s memorial and she told me if I wanted my own day, I have 364 others to choose from. My fiancé had some not very nice words for her afterwards and now she’s acting like we are happy about her “child dying." AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ants_suck said
Definitely NTA. Weddings take forever to plan and getting everything booked is hard. Changing reservations can cost a lot as well. It's unfair to expect you to change it. As much as this is terrible for your SIL, this is a day for you and your fiance, not a memorial service for her child. Setting up a competing event on the same day because you don't want to turn it into one is wild.
Future-Ear6980 said:
NTA and I would seriously not include photos of the sonogram in any way, shape or form. If you have a type of a memorial board with photos of passed grand parents or similar, yeah, maybe include one there. But to make it a focus in any other way is just bonkers.
As sad as it is, she has no right to pull the rest of the world into her pit of misery on this special day of yours. May your wedding be everything you've ever wished for and wishing you a fantastically happy married life.
Oldpuzzlehead said:
NTA. Your SIL needs to see a grief counselor.
Sheeshrn said:
NTA, I am so sorry you’re having to deal with this. I’m also sorry for SIL’s loss, it can’t be easy; she is grieving but not in a healthy way. Maybe talk to her or her spouse about counseling? However, the sonogram picture at the table!
No she is probably not the only person there who has had a miscarriage, logistically that is not an option. Good luck with this, try to be sympathetic and understanding but explain it’s not happening.
KindaNewRoundHere said:
NTA - your wedding was planned well before she even got pregnant. A baby due date is approximate and highly probable that baby wouldn’t have been born on that date anyway. Baby’s have their own schedule.
She is the AH for highjacking your and fiancés wedding day and seems she is retaliating for being told no She should do her memorial a couple of weekends before or after.
Her reaction is overkill but if it will shut her up and stop her sabotaging your day, perhaps cave on the ultrasound pic and candle in the missing people table. Leave Fiancé and his parents to deal with her.
EvenSpoonier said:
NTA. I'm sorry for her loss, and if she had simply bowed out of the wedding, that would be completely appropriate. Instead she is trying to steal the couple's spotlight, and that's not cool at all.