'AITA for ignoring my friend’s guest because I didn't really know her?'
"AITA for ignoring my friend’s guest?"
DescriptionFun8402 writes:
I’m a 28F living with my boyfriend. A close friend of mine is crashing with us right now since we have a spare bedroom. She’s subletting it from us for a few months. For context, she’s very nomadic, extroverted, and much more “go with the flow” than I am. My life is very structured and routine, and over the past few years, I’ve become even more of a creature of habit.
I also have much more hectic work hours than she does. This weekend, she had a friend of hers stay over. The general loudness and chaos aside, as they were chatting loudly across rooms first thing in the morning, it was fine.
My boyfriend and I didn’t even object because we wanted her to feel at home, and since she’s paying for the room, we wanted to be fair. My boyfriend even made her friend some tea in the morning.
After they left for lunch, my boyfriend and I decided to clean up and then unwind with takeout and a movie, which is our usual ritual since we never get to do that on weekdays.
Later, my friend came back after lunch, right when we had just rented the movie and started eating. Then her friend, someone we both went to high school with, walked right into our bedroom where we were lounging. Apparently, my friend wanted to surprise me by bringing her over.
For context, I wasn’t actually friends with this girl in high school. I hung out with her maybe twice and haven’t spoken to her since. I was definitely irritated because walking into our bedroom felt like an intrusion, not just for me but also for my boyfriend, who had never even met or heard of her.
I guided them out of the room, using the excuse of introducing her to my dog. I sat with them in the living room for about ten minutes, then said I was heading back to finish my food and movie. My friend asked me to hang out with them, but I politely deflected without committing.
Now, a few weeks later, she’s brought it up saying I was rude to her friend and that she felt bad I chose to watch a “random movie” instead of hanging out. But honestly, I thought I was being gracious by not expressing how uncomfortable it was that she brought someone unannounced into my bedroom and then expected me to socialize, especially with someone I barely know.
My friend and I are part of the same core group, and it’s not like I’ve suddenly developed this need to guard my space. I’ve always been like this, maybe even more so as I’ve gotten older. She knows me well enough to not be surprised by that, yet she’s acting like I somehow hurt her feelings. So, am I wrong, or is she just being inconsiderate?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TeenySod says:
NTA, your friend/'lodger' lacks boundaries and needs to learn to read the room, damn. Sounds like they walked into your room without even knocking - I mean, WTAF?! Here is how it should have gone: knock knock.
You say 'come in', because you're just eating. Lodger/guest and friend come in, see that you are eating and setting up a movie, say "Just wanted to say hi", you all have a pleasant 2-3 minute chat and THEY LEAVE - without needing to be asked. Then you all catch up later and make a plan to hang out together.
International-Fee255 says:
NTA And you need to tell her. She's your roommate, in your home. She needs to be respectful of your space. Bedrooms are private spaces, you would appreciate a heads up on visitors, you don't want to spend the weekend hanging with her you want to spend it with your boyfriend.
This his house too it's not a sorority for all the girls to hang out. Seems like she's happy enough to complain when you don't do what she wants, you should definitely be free to tell her that's she's interrupting your routines and you don't enjoy it.
oioinanami____ says:
NTA. You didn't ignore the guest, you made nice for a few mins then excused yourself. Your friend is being unreasonable.
KweeNeeBee says:
NTA. You were much more gracious than I would have been in that situation.