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'AITA for initiating a divorce while my wife is in the hospital after a car accident?' UPDATED

'AITA for initiating a divorce while my wife is in the hospital after a car accident?' UPDATED

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As a kid, keeping your kids safe is the top priority. Sometimes, that means keeping them from the other parent.

"AITA for initiating a divorce while my wife is in the hospital after a car accident?"

My wife had two kids before we got married and the have an actively involved father. We have had two children of our own. My wife is a terrible driver but she refuses to acknowledge this. She has been in multiple accidents and even had her license suspended. Not for a DUI or anything. Just because she is a sh#$ty driver.

She will do stuff like reach into the back seat to deal with a kid rather than either pull over or let me or one of the older kids deal with it. She got t-boned in August last year because she took her foot off the brake at a red light to pick up my son's soother that had fallen out. She didn't put the car in park. Thankfully only she was injured. All four kids were in the car. I have had it.

I told her that she is welcome to endanger herself and her kids. But that if I am in the car or if our children are in the car she will keep her eyes on the road and her hands on the steering wheel. She is finally at the point in her rehab where she can drive again. I reminded her of what I said. I told her that I loved her. I said that her older kids were important to me and that I loved them too.

But I told her that if she ever decided to do stupid s#$t while driving our relationship would be over and I would make it part of our divorce that she NOT be allowed to drive with my kids in the car. She started crying and said she didn't do it on purpose. I asked her how exactly she took her hands off the wheel, took off her seatbelt, took her foot off the brake, and turned around to pick up the soother by accident.

She said that I'm treating her like an idiot. I don't think I am. My children have to be safe. Before you ask I try and do as much of the driving as I possibly can. I have stopped drinking when we go out. I traded in my car that I loved for an SUV so there is room for all of us. I offered to pay for Uber so she didn't have to drive if I wasn't available. She actually likes driving.

Her ex and her parents are on my side. He also told her that if she ever thinks about endangering his kids and he would either go for full custody or ask that she be barred from driving with his kids in the car. Her parents have threatened to stop helping her pay her stupid high insurance premiums.

She thinks we are being unfair because she loves her kids and would never intentionally harm them. She just loses concentration when one of the kids needs something and doesn't think to ask for help.

Commenters did not hold back.

[deleted] wrote:

The part I’m hung up on is “you don’t care how she drives with her kids or if she’s alone”. If you care about her, you should. This part is alienating.

The topic itself; NTA. How you’re approaching it sounds like YTA. Edit: I’m not defending her feelings. I’m saying all kids should be protected.

OP responded:

You have no idea how many times I have begged her to drive safely. But I agree that I should have been nicer.

I3ex_G wrote:

Yta, she’s already shown you she’s a horrible driver, why do you keep giving her changes. Tell her she doesn’t drive with any kids anymore. Her whole excuse of “I didn’t do it on purpose” she can say at the eulogy of your dead kid. Why are you guys giving her more chances?

She can k**l herself if she wants but ALL kids shouldn’t be in a car when she is behind the wheel. Any kids need a driver and you/ex are busy, than it’s an Uber. No excuse and no more chances

OP responded:

That's where we are at now. Our older kids have told her straight up that they will get out of the car or call the c*ps if she can't be safe.

Anoncommenter wrote:

It’s the “when it’s just her and her kids” but not “me and my kids” you’re a family and this distinction alone makes you an asshole regardless of how horrible she is at driving.

If it’s that bad, you drive. And love your spouse’s kids as your own, otherwise what’s the f#$king point of being a family? You remind me of my step mother because this is how she feels about me, and even after 20 years it still hurts.

OP responded:

Time number five. I contacted her ex husband to deal with her regarding their kids from the hospital on the day of the accident. I made sure his kids as well as mine were okay and I told him that I was basically forbidding her from driving my kids around but obviously I could not do that for his. He was at the hospital within half an hour. He agreed with me.

nemainev wrote:

"She said that I'm treating her like an idiot. I don't think I am."

NTA. You actually are, because she actually is, at least while driving. Look, you can f#$k yourself up pretty bad on a f#$king skateboard.

If you can't understand that commanding a literal ton of steel (and fuel!) is a big f#$king responsibility, you don't get to drive. Besides, you can't seriously have your husband, your ex husband and your f#$king parents telling you something and you just not listening. It's like having Trump, Obama, Bush Jr. Putin and Nicolas Maduro all telling you "Hey, I think this is a bad idea."

Six weeks later, OP shared another update.

My wife was involved in a single vehicle accident. She was seriously injured but thank goodness no one else was in the car with her. I have spoke to her about her driving habits and I warned her. I went to see her in the hospital and then I went to a lawyer. I am also going for full custody with only supervised visitation for her.

I am sick to death of her driving habits and I will not wait for her to injure or kill one of our kids with her bulls#$t. I feel bad for doing this while she is in the hospital and facing charges. But I can't take any more chances on her.

People were invested in the update.

soycrockpot wrote:

Can you tell us more about her driving habits? Her age? Her health? Is she driving dr*nk? Is it something that can be worked on/is she willing to change? 100000% the kids safety comes first PERIOD. But are you ready to end a marriage without exhausting all possible options? Or maybe you have and those details aren't in your post?

Forgive all my questions haha, just truly curious as to more details on the situation. Regardless, I would document all the instances/dates of her reckless driving to have that info ready and keep the kids from riding with her at all costs. Do other people in her life see this issue? Have other people tried to talk to her about it?? Ok that's all my questions for now. 😂

OP responded:

She has been in several serious accidents from getting distracted while driving. She was still doing rehab from her last accident when this one happened.

emjkr wrote:

NTA I remember your last post. Protect yourself and your kids.

OP responded:

I can't believe it happened this quickly. I'm just glad none of the kids were with her.

emjkr wrote:

I definitely understand that! Has she said anything about the new accident? Realized that she got a problem? If I remember right she was very upset about you stating that she should not drive with the kids in the car anymore.

OP responded:

She left some paperwork in the back seat. So she parked. Then she went to grab it. Unfortunately she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done.

aspidities_87 wrote:

I remember your last post and I was stunned, utterly stunned, at how many incidents your wife had racked up, let alone with kids in the car. Now I get to your latest comment and I see she somehow managed to drive into a f#$king canal? Honestly, this woman needs a wake-up call and clearly having her license removed, nearly dying in an accident and endangering her own children wasn’t enough.

Go for full custody and specify that she is not allowed to drive them anywhere on visitation, or you could be looking at a ‘There’s Something Wrong With Aunt Diane’ situation and I don’t say that lightly. Your STBX has something clearly wrong with her ability to process danger in a moving vehicle. NTA, and I hope this process goes as easily as it can for you.

Sources: Reddit
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