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'AITA for "causing a scene" in a restaurant when I saw a stranger berating his GF?' UPDATED 2X

'AITA for "causing a scene" in a restaurant when I saw a stranger berating his GF?' UPDATED 2X


Ok I know the title is confusing but hear me out. I went out to eat with my (34f) bf (35m) and a two other couples. For context I am a mother to a 5yr old (not my bf child). So two tables away was a new parent couple & what I can only assume was the guys parents. I assumed this because I was that girl when I first had my child.

Out to dinner with your fathers child and his family and baby is being fussy- you’re struggling and no one is helping you. Baby’s crying for about 15 min now all while the father or no one else for that matter is offering her any help or a break so she can have at least a bite of her food that’s been sitting there cold for about 30 min. I really just wanted to run to her grab the baby for a bit and tell her to eat.

This is where I might I have been an a$$hole: baby’s crying (again no one paying attention) and she goes to comfort baby and breastfeed. Well ALL of a sudden she’s the center of attention! Baby father says what are you doing? That’s disgusting go to a stall in the bathroom! At this point I lost it. My bf was trying to calm me down the entire time telling me it’s none of my business but I just went ham.

I got up from my table walked over and told him if he found it so disgusting why doesn’t he go eat his sandwich on the the toilet. I said she has been struggling, hasn’t had a bite to eat all while the 3 of you sit there enjoying yourselves and letting her drown.

And then I said loud enough that the tables around could hear that anyone who is offended by a woman breastfeeding needs to get checked because breasts weren’t made for men's pleasure they were made for feeding and that’s exactly what she’s doing. No one said anything but she also didn’t go to the bathroom and finished feeding her baby who calmed down and she was able to eat.

My bf is upset I caused a scene in front of some of his friends and everyone really at the restaurant but I just couldn’t sit back watch, and say nothing.

So, AITA for inserting myself and yelling at strangers?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:


NTA - You waited, assessed the situation and responded accordingly. I think if anything, the fact that she continued to feed her child proved just how thankful she was for you blowing up on them.


NTA and good for you for standing up for that poor lady. there needs to be more people like you in the world.


NTA. Your bf is, however. If he is more worried about "causing a scene" than sitting there and watching this poor woman struggle and get berated for feeding her baby, then he ought to be checked as well. God forbid you were ever in a situation where you are struggling, would he rather you struggle than somebody defend you? You rock, OP. There is a good amount of AHs in this story, but you are not one of them.


NTA and I think you’re amazing. No it wasn’t any of your business, but it’s important to stand up for people. It says a lot about your character. Good for you!


You're amazing for doing that. I bet she will remember that forever - I know I would. Also, women should support and stick up for other women. Which is exactly what you did. Super proud of you over here.

And sorry, but your boyfriend sounds like public opinion is more important to him than doing what you feel is right. That's a problem. Your boyfriend's attitude and quiet complicity are how all these abusive status quos, like systemic sexism and racism, stay in place. NTA

And said:

That family was actually inserting themselves into all the other customer dining experience. Not sure I would have said that exactly bu ook, you were fine. NTA

A day after her original post, OP shared this update:

Just some clarification after all the comments: I do agree and feel terrible that I could have put her in a position to get yelled at later. That wasn’t my intention. I saw red, mostly because I have been through exactly this and have gone home in tears and feeling alone. I would normally not get into anyones business.

I appreciate all your feedback and for sure next time I feel the urge to say something I’m going to take a breath and find a better way to communicate that doesn’t put anyone in danger or interrupt other people. My bf is still not talking to me until I apologize because again I embarrassed him, regardless of the reason. Feel like I should just send a text to his friends and keep it moving.

She then shared this second update:

Wow guys- thank you for all the responses, support, advice and criticism. These past 24hrs have been crazy, so here’s a quick update.

I mentioned in a previous comment but will say again that the young mom did give me a smile as we were saying our goodbyes in the parking lot and they were leaving. In terms of this situation like I said I could of had more tact and really hope I didn’t expose her to more abuse in retaliation.

As for my boyfriend- well now ex because HE BROKE UP (well told me he needed space) with me. I showed him the thread and this is what happened:

1.) Super pissed that I posted this on here. ‘Why am I putting our business out on the internet?’ And basically I wanted people to turn against him (what?!) and more attention then I already took at the restaurant

2.) One of his friends is very conservative and while his friend didn’t actually say anything to my ex he says his friend was definitely offended by the breastfeeding at the table because it’s not hygienic. He doesn’t agree that she should have gone to bathroom but it wasn’t the appropriate place to feed.

3.) One of the things he liked about me was how I kept my ‘mom life’ separate from my relationship with him. And that while he was weirded out that I never invited him to my house the entire time we’ve been dating (2yrs) he appreciated not having to be involved because he has never wanted kids. Doesn’t like them.

So basically I set a boundary from the beginning of ‘no kid stuff’ I crossed it at the restaurant and made a big scene in front of his friends who he says were also embarrassed but weren’t going to say anything. So like this is all still going on. I’m a bit sad - like maybe I did do the most- but also I’m like f him.

Since me and my daughters dad split 50/50 I can see how someone can see me and not realize that I’m a whole ass mother. The reason I don’t let people I’m dating come to my house is because at the end of the day I don’t know these people from Adam (did you torture animals as a child 🤷🏽‍♀️) and rather than expose my daughter to variables (guys character or behaviors) I prefer if they don’t have access.

I know it may sound crazy or weird, but when I was in college a guy I dated would show up to my apartment drunk yelling for me outside my window. So I’m not leaving the door even cracked for something like this to happen and my daughter be home with me. She’d be terrified.

So what he said was he needed a break and I just said let’s just not do this at all because it’s not gonna work. For sure I set boundaries with my kid but if anything involving kids is a problem than we aren’t going to work because again I am a mother. And even on my days ‘off’ I’m on call because anything can happen and I need to be there regardless.

Thank you guys for all your responses. It’s hard sometimes when things blow up like this to whisk away the bullsh!t and see things for what they are.

Sources: Reddit
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