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'AITA for insisting on having one of the rooms with a private bathroom on our family vacation?'

'AITA for insisting on having one of the rooms with a private bathroom on our family vacation?'


"AITA for insisting on having one of the rooms with a private bathroom on our family vacation?"

We will soon be going on the annual family vacation with my husband’s (H) family. We are the youngest adult couple. We are 22 total, 16 adults, 6 kids. The arrangement is that only the adults pay. This applies to both accommodation and groceries.

I earn about twice as much as my H, and one of our financial agreements is that I pay for our vacations. When the agreement about the cost distribution was made a couple of years ago, I had no objections. Over the past two years, I’ve felt increasingly uncomfortable with it.

Two years ago, when I grabbed a snack, I was told it was for the kids. Last year, I was told the same thing. In both cases, I ate the snack anyway without discussion. Two years ago, my H and I went grocery shopping with Aunts B and C. The rest of the group had a warm lunch and left nothing for us. My H and I went out to lunch. Aunts B and C made a sandwich.

During lunch last year, food was passed around. We sat at the end of the table. The dishes we received were nearly empty. When we mentioned we had only two servings for five people, we were told to get something else from the cupboard.

I genuinely don’t think there is any ill intent behind these actions, nor that they are directed at me personally. However, I feel that I show more solidarity than I receive. Another factor is that my H and I are the only couple without our own home.

My H is trying to build his own business, and I have two jobs with which I am trying to pay off my student debt more quickly. Income-wise, we are not far off from the other family members, but in terms of capital, we are far behind.

This year, a vacation home has been booked, of which only 4 bedrooms have a private bathroom. My H and I have previously indicated verbally that having our own bathroom is very important to us. We also mentioned this in the group chat during the booking. No promises have been made to us.Some have said they don't mind sharing, most have kept quiet.

AITA if I insist that we get one of these rooms? My H would rather avoid the whole discussion; if it were up to him, we wouldn’t go. For him, the bathroom is now a hard requirement. We have already paid. Normally, the best rooms go to the oldest family members.

I wonder if I’m just being stingy and should keep quiet. The vacations are very enjoyable, and the children are pleasant company. On the other hand, I don’t want our negative feelings to take over and make us not look forward to the vacations anymore. I plan on discussing the cost distribution after this vacation.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Bunlord3000 said:

NTA. Wow oh wow there is a lot to digest here. First off, this financial agreement… are you able to renegotiate? It sounds like you’ve been swindled my dear. As for the bathroom, go ahead! I’ve found people generally avoid conflict, especially those as slimy as you’ve described. You should have your pick of the bunch.

notforcommentinohgoo said:

These vacations sound hellish, and nobody there cares about you two (probably because you are a childless couple and therefore "less valuable"). And they expect you to feed their kids out of your own pockets. So why do you keep going? It makes no sense to me at all.

JJQuantum said:

NTA. I am a member of a large extended family with 24 cousins. My little brother and I are the 2 youngest. Everything has always been oldest first so, even now at 55 years old, I still get treated like crap. It’s insane.

I’m a project manager who deals with $5M projects and yet my older cousin was trying to tell me recently that I didn’t understand the details about renting out a family owned property.

We had a get together where everyone cooked and when I got to the food, last in line because my brother couldn’t make it, there was literally no food left. Stand your ground. This whole oldest gets first pick every time is ridiculous.

PieknaFatso said:

NTA in any way. I'd suggest the family isn't doing these things on purpose, you guys just sound low maintenance and easy to deal with, so it probably isn't obvious that you're being neglected a bit.

100% I'd bring it up, and the private bathroom seems like the perfect opportunity to do it; especially as you don't have kids - why should you have to share with anybody?

Oldest gets best room is ok with your kids - not when you're paying adults; it should be rotated (that also avoids people who are cashed up dominating the setup everytime).

Your husband needs to fight this battle himself, don't do it for him, no matter how sensitively you approach it, it'll reflect upon you. He needs to sort it out, and he needs to make it very clear this is his issue.

Dragon_Queen_666 said:

NTA. But honestly, if your husband would prefer not to go, skip it. It's only stressing you out, as much as you enjoy the time spent with the kids.

GreenSuccessful7642 said:

NTA but this isn't a vacation. This is some form of torture.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family vacation drama?

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