Wife changes baby’s name after horrible fight with father. 'He kicked her while she was down.' AITA?
"AITA for insisting we change our son’s name?"
HistoricalFold92
My wife (24F) and I (28M) had our first baby five months ago. We’ve been together for 6 years, married for 5. He is a beautiful little boy and we gave him the same first name as my wife’s father, ‘Keith’.
My wife grew up hating her father for cheating on her mother and abandoning the family. In the past decade, he worked tirelessly to improve their relationship. In her family, it’s typically tradition for the first grandson and granddaughter to be named after their grandparents and my wife was proud to name our son after her father.
However, a few weeks ago, my wife and her father had a MASSIVE argument. Turns out, he is convinced that for some reason, I am going to cheat on my wife. He thinks we got married too young and I’ll get bored of her now that she’s devoting all her time to our son.
He told my wife this after she opened up to him about how worried she was about being pregnant so soon after giving birth. We didn’t plan the second pregnancy and a few days after the argument my wife miscarried and it was a painful moment for the both of us.
Essentially, he kicked her while she was already down for no reason. I had a friendly relationship with him but I know he wanted my wife to marry someone from her own background.
Since the argument, my wife has not been calling our son by his name. She’s using nicknames, calling him ‘the baby’ etc. She said that she needs time to get over the argument with her dad, but she also blames him for the miscarriage which is something I don’t think she’ll get over. FIL has made no attempts to apologise or reconcile.
A month into my wife refusing to use our baby’s name, I said that we needed to change it because it’ll be better for my wife’s mental health and our son’s development. If this argument continues or is ever brought up again, she can’t be too upset to use his name when he’s old enough to actually know it.
We’ve started the process now to change the name and somehow it got back to FIL AND he knows that I suggested it. He is infuriated. He said that I was supposed to be the levelheaded one since my wife is post partum and recovering from a miscarriage and that I’ve just made their rift a million times worse since I’ve denied him the family tradition.
My in laws think I’m an AH for insisting on the name change since now it’ll be even harder for them to reconcile. I don’t think I’m an AH but my brother said it would be a good idea to get an unbiased opinion. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Comfortable-Sea-2454
NTA - your FIL is acting like a massively entitled AH though.
"However, a few weeks ago, my wife and her father had a MASSIVE argument. Turns out, he is convinced that for some reason, I am going to cheat on my wife. He thinks we got married too young and I’ll get bored of her now that she’s devoting all her time to our son."
FIL is projecting HIS actions onto you.
"He told my wife this after she opened up to him about how worried she was about being pregnant so soon after giving birth. We didn’t plan the second pregnancy and a few days after the argument my wife miscarried and it was a painful moment for the both of us.
Essentially, he kicked her while she was already down for no reason. I had a friendly relationship with him but I know he wanted my wife to marry someone from her own background." "Since the argument, my wife has not been calling our son by his name."
"She said that she needs time to get over the argument with her dad, but she also blames him for the miscarriage which is something I don’t think she’ll get over. FIL has made no attempts to apologise or reconcile." Your wife needs therapy ASAP!!! Her sperm donor's actions were horrible and had to have negatively effected her ability to interact with her son.
"We’ve started the process now to change the name and somehow it got back to FIL AND he knows that I suggested it. He is infuriated. He said that I was supposed to be the levelheaded one since my wife is post partum and recovering from a miscarriage and that I’ve just made their rift a million times worse since I’ve denied him the family tradition."
Your FIL is making everything about him and not taking any responsibility for his part in the new estrangement.
Then OP responded here:
HistoricalFold92
I don’t think this has affected how my wife interacts with our son since shes being as affectionate as always with him. I’ll suggest it though just in case it’s something she feels she needs to.
HarveySnake
You clearly are the level headed one. I’m absolutely shocked that your wife ever agreed to name the kid after her cheating dad in the first place. It doesn’t sound like they had a good relationship ever. NTA.
The OP again responded:
HistoricalFold92
Since she was 16, he tried very hard to work on his relationship with her. He was actually amazing to her for the past few years although he’s never been a fan of me.
arlae
So are you suppose to be the levelheaded one or the future cheater? Which is it FIL can’t have both. Cheaters think that everyone cheats.
Artistic_Tough5005
NTA Your son should never feel bad for his name and if your wife can bring herself to use it then it needs to be changed before he is old enough to understand. FIL sounds like a not so great guy so his opinion shouldn’t come into play.