'AITA for joking I want a week to myself after my injured husband asked how he can repay me?' UPDATED

"AITA for joking I want a week to myself?"

For context, my(31F) husband(32M) broke his ankle the day before Memorial Day which resulted in him needing surgery. With him unable to walk and on crutches, I have been doing everything for him and the kids.

I’ve been doing all the household chores, mowing the lawn, taking kids to and from school, bringing my husband to appointments, all while working 40hr weeks in a stressful job that just recently had 6 people leave and workload has tripled.

I’m stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted. My husband had an appointment today and he is to start weight bearing as tolerated with his crutches and move up to weight bearing without them over the next month.

So tonight after the kids went down, my husband and I decided to watch a movie together and eat some ice cream.

After I finished my ice cream I mentioned I wanted something salty to munch on and he asked if I would get him some chips too.

I jokingly, with a silly smile and tone, said “I guess I can do that” and I got up to get us chips and he said “how ever will I repay you?” And wiggled his eyebrow in that sexy way hinting he wants me. I put on a big smile and said “with a week to myself” he laughed, I laughed and went to the kitchen to get chips.

I came back and all the sudden his demeanor changed and he looked at me and asked “should I go upstairs so you can start your week to yourself” in a salty tone. I instantly was defeated. I wasn’t trying to fight with him, I was making a joke and he laughed so I thought he understood it was a joke.

I sighed, took my chips back to the kitchen and decided to go to bed. I did not have any fight in me to deal with this. He came upstairs shortly after and said “I’m sorry I’m not doing okay” I didn’t respond because I didn’t have a response so he says “are you not going to acknowledge me” so I turn towards him and just stare at him.

He then says “I’m sorry, it just rubbed me the wrong way and I know you’re stressed and need time to yourself too” I turned back over and said it didn’t matter. So internet, AITA?

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

OkManufacturer767 wrote:

NAH. You're two people who have had a rough month. He expressed gratitude to you for all you have done. He suggested sex, using body language, and you responded with wanting to be alone. Maybe you felt s#$ was just one more thing to do and in your exhaustion you said something alienating. He felt rejected and gave you a verbal jab.

Sounds like he was really sorry, told you he wasn't doing okay, and you turned your back on him instead of saying "I'm not doing okay either."

This seems to be where you are. Talk it out.

Find a way to get some alone time, a few hours until he's able to be okay while you take a day. Take an afternoon off. The place will not explode if you leave Thursday at lunch time. Hopefully you have Friday off. If not this week, then next. Or sleep in and go in at noon. Take better care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to him. Go give him a hug and hold each other for a minute.

Distinct_Oliver_827 wrote:

NTA. My husband tore his achilles last year and I was so overwhelmed by taking care of everything for my job (which is super demanding), myself, everything for him, everything for the house, not to mention everyone constantly asking me how he was doing and never wondering how I was. It’s overwhelming! I would have loved a week off after all that too haha

BlondDee1970 wrote:

NTA. Caregiver burnout is a real thing. You already had a ton on your plate without your husband being “man down” with a busted ankle. You made a joke and he’s reacting poorly. A great answer would have been “yeah babe I really appreciate how you’ve looked after me and the kids during my recovery. You deserve some down time when I’m back on two feet”

Alert_Benefit9755 wrote:

As someone who has recently been in a similar situation (work stress/health stress across me and my partner) I absolutely know what it feels like when it seems that the whole world is saying "fu#$k this family in particular". It sucks. Your last paragraph is important here. Particularly: "Be kind to yourself. Be kind to him."

I personally am not very good at the first part, but I'm learning (with counselling). Things are on the improve, particularly in the communication department. Perhaps OP should consider taking some time off work (if possible) to lessen the load for a bit while their partner is recovering.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Update: My husband and I talked. I apologized for my reaction of just shutting down and ignoring him and asked him about him not feeling okay. We had a good conversation about our mental loads lately and we both listened and understood the other.

If I could take time off I would but unfortunately I’m not able to and I’m also not in the financial position to hire outside help with my husband out of work. I appreciate everyone’s perspective! When I initially shut down and walked away from him I just needed to regroup myself before talking it through.

I have very poor self-worth so my mind instantly goes into “everything is my fault” mode and my husband is fully aware of this. I’m grateful that we are able to just talk to each other, even if it takes us a minute to get there. Also, because this was brought up a lot, I had declined s#$ about 15mins before we started watching the movie. I honestly didn’t want to have to take another shower lol.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Mikith wrote:

NTA I've broken the same leg three times including needing surgery and I understood that caretaking is a lot of work so I had no problem with acknowledging how hard it was on my husband. He tried to pick a fight and you opting not to participate makes complete sense.

Dogmom_3 wrote:

Not for the joke, YTA for your response. He attempted to communicate and find out if there was some resentment about all you are having to do. Not neatly because he’s also pretty emotional about feeling useless but he came and apologized for how he said it and wanted to talk and you froze him out. Not healthy communication at all.

DispleasedOesophagus wrote:

NAH - You sound incredibly stressed and overworked currently, I think maybe the timing could’ve been better as it sounds like you was having a lovely evening together. HOWEVER, the way he laughed with you I would’ve TOTALLY have thought the same thing you did.

Please don’t be hard on yourself and once he’s better and more mobile definitely take some well deserved time to yourself. In sickness and in health you’ve clearly shown it’ll soon be your time to prioritise yourself.

EquivalentTwo1 wrote:

NAH I really dislike how if people say they need time alone, their families think they hate them. His first response to that was uncalled for. You two had some banter and it flopped. He decided to pick a fight with a tired stressed spouse who have been pulling triple duty.

You chose not to engage in said fight.

The thing is here it did matter, it does matter to you. You may not have had the words available to communicate that at the time.