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'AITA for keeping my engagement a secret until my friend's wedding?'

'AITA for keeping my engagement a secret until my friend's wedding?'


"AITA for keeping my engagement a secret until my friend's wedding?"

My (24F) fiance (25M) proposed to me on Christmas eve 2023. We have a maternity shoot coming up in a few weeks from now and so we decided it would be cute to have some official engagement photos taken as part of the shoot, which we would then use to announce our engagement on social media.

Of course, we still told our closest family and a couple of our closest friends. We were on holiday when we got engaged and only came home a couple of days before the wedding, so we didn't run into anyone we knew in person who would have seen the ring and asked about it.

The first time we met up with everyone since we got back was at the wedding of a childhood family friend. She's not one of the people who was aware of my engagement, and the majority of guests were family members and friends I had known for a long time, but were not in the inner circle of people we had told.

So, whenever I went up to chat to them, they would notice the ring and congratulate me and my fiance on our engagement. One friend of ours made a small scene and told all of our friends in the vicinity (there were about 5-6 people), and they all circled around me to look at the ring and congratulate me.

At this point I felt pretty bad that the attention wasn't on the bride so once that group cleared I took the ring off and placed it in my clutch for the rest of the night. But by then the damage was done, and the word had spread and for the rest of the night I had people coming up and congratulating me.

By the time I got to the bride to congratulate her and celebrate her marriage with her she was really upset with me, basically telling me that it was so selfish of me to flaunt my engagement at her wedding, and she accused me of purposely taking the limelight off her.

She thought I had purposely kept my engagement secret for the sole purpose of revealing it at her wedding, and accused me of being a liar when I explained myself.

I understand I probably should have never worn the ring there in the first place, but I had had it on for a week so it didn't ever cross my mind to take it off until it was too late. So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

BeterP said:

YTA. Do people stare at your hands all the time when you chat to them during a wedding? I doubt it. I rarely look at people's hands when chatting. You made sure they saw the ring and I don't buy the story that you forgot to take it off. If you really had forgotten it and didn't want to flaunt it, you would have taken it off as soon as the the first person mentioned.

dividedsky58 said:

YTA. And this sentence gives it away: "So, whenever I went up to chat to them, they would notice the ring and congratulate me and my fiance on our engagement." If this wasn't intentional, you would have taken the ring off the very first time someone mentioned the ring.

But it happened over and over. You intentionally kept wearing the ring after at least several people commented on it. YTA for intentionally announcing your engagement via a very noticeable ring that you intentionally did not remove until everyone already knew.

Zealousideal-Law-513 said:

YTA. Some people on here speculating you did it on purpose, but we have no way to actually know that and I don’t see a reason to assume the worst about your intentions.

But it doesn’t matter. You did take attention away from the bride, and it was totally predictable that you would. Lest there be any doubt, you didn’t take the ring off after the FIRST person/group noticed. That was the time where it could all be chalked up to “oops, I didn’t really think people would notice this.”

But you didn’t, you left it on and the situation, predictably, repeated itself several times. Even assuming none of this was “intentional” it was the obvious outcome of your decision, and easily avoidable, so YTA.

jrm1102 said:

YTA - this isnt quite on the level of getting engaged at the wedding, but you’re still an AH for this. If the news wasnt public, you should have waited and not worn the ring at all.

catskilkid said:

YTA. You thought that you'd wait until after the wedding because you didn't want to steal the limelight BUT you forgot the ring. It may not be an intentional act and you forgot, but that's what makes you the AH.

conswithcarlosd said:

YTA and you know you did it on purpose. Then you doubled down and made it more about yourself by taking the ring off after everyone talked about it. Very envious behavior.

No one was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for the wedding etiqutte faux pas?

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