'AITA for kicking my brother out after he insulted my wife?' 'We got into a SHOUTING MATCH.'
"AITA for kicking my brother out after he insulted my wife?"
I (32M) have a younger brother (27M) who’s been staying at my house for the past month. He’s between apartments, and I offered our guest room to help him out. My wife Kara(30F) and I have been happy to have him until last weekend.
We were all watching TV and having a normal chat when my brother suddenly made a really nasty comment about Kara. For context, Kara recently switched careers (to something that makes her much happier) and is earning less right now. My brother joked “Haha, you're basically living off my brother, right? What a gold digger.”
I immediately told him off. Kara looked shocked and hurt. She told him that was a rude and wrong. Instead of apologizing, my brother doubled down. He said something along the lines of “Well, I call it like I see it. Maybe if you weren’t so lazy and got a better job, you wouldn’t have to mooch off my brother.”
At that point I got a little mad. I told him to get out of my house if he was going to disrespect my wife under our own roof. He scoffed and said I was “overreacting to a joke.” It didn’t feel like a joke to either of us. Kara was quietly tearing up at this point. I was furious and told him to pack his stuff right now. We got into a shouting match.
Now a few days later, my parents are upset that I kicked him out and he has nowhere to go. They admit what he said was wrong, but they think I should have been the bigger person and just talked it out the next day rather than throwing him out immediately. I personally feel I did the right thing standing up for Kara. he is an adult and should deal with this stuff himself.
My brother hasn’t apologized at all. He’s texted me basically blaming Kara for being sensitive. That makes me even angrier. However, a part of me wonders if I moved too quickly by kicking him out on the spot.
My wife, for her part, thanked me for defending her and says I did the right thing. My parents say family is family and I should let him come back and just set some rules. I don’t want him back unless he genuinely apologizes, which doesn’t seem likely right now.
So, AITA for kicking my brother out after he insulted my wife? (My parents live in state funded housing and aren't allowed more people). After some talking people in the comments (and someone in my DMs who showed me how to edit this post)...
I think I might rent him his own studio apartment in a lower income neighborhood that I can afford. BUT only if Kara agrees and he genuinely apologizes to both of us. I love him and care too much about him to see him go homeless. I’m just not sure what else to do it help him.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
lostalldoubt86 said:
NTA - for someone staying rent-free in your guest room, he has a lot of nerve calling your wife a mooch. Maybe he should think before he speaks.
JeepersCreepers74 said:
Better a gold digger than an ungrateful freeloader. NTA. Mom and dad can "be the bigger person" and let brother move in.
Chuck60s said:
He's 27, not 17, and needs to take ownership of his foul mouth. Your parents need to get over it. You stood up for your wife and anyone who's offended by your actions, clearly doesn't understand relationships. NTA.
Lira_Nova_23 said:
NTA. Your brother disrespected your wife repeatedly and refused to apologize, that’s not something to tolerate under your roof. Standing up for your partner is important, and you set clear boundaries. Family doesn’t give anyone a free pass to be rude or hurtful. Your parents’ feelings don’t outweigh your wife’s dignity or your home’s respect.
forgetregret1day said:
He has a lot of nerve freeloading off you and your wife and then calling her a gold digger. She has a job and a home. He has neither and it’s his own fault. NTA.
BoobySlap_0506 said:
Oh but he doesn't have "nowhere to go." He can live with your parents. After all, family is family, right? NTA. That's awfully bold of him to rock the boat when you have been so generous as to let him live in your home for a month, and what sounds like rent-free.
esmerelofchaos said:
NTA, your wife is family, and she doesn't have to put up with his BS. Out he goes.