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'AITA for kicking my (ex) girlfriend and her son out on Christmas morning?'

'AITA for kicking my (ex) girlfriend and her son out on Christmas morning?'

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"AITA for kicking my (ex) girlfriend and her son out on Christmas morning?"

I (F39) kicked my girlfriend (Mary F35) and her kid out on Xmas day because the situation was unbearable. We dated for 9 months and it was an LD relationship. I used to fly to her state but after the second month, she preferred to come visit. I’m financially stable, so I covered all the expenses.

My family didn’t like her because of certain situations that created distance. As background, my parents are wealthy, and they didn’t like that Mary (according to them) always went for the most expensive dish at the restaurant and that she showed unfavorable facial expressions whenever things didn’t go her way.

I never noticed that. They also complained about her constantly interrupting and they could never get a word in, and if they did, she would talk louder until they couldn’t even hear themselves. This was true, and she did it to me also and we had a talk and she worked on it.

She has a kid, of whom I’ll avoid being too specific. He’s under 8 years old and weighs 150 lb and has very strong emotional responses. She brought him twice and we did have a great time, but he needs specialized attention and she’s not willing to accept that.

Around last Thanksgiving, she came over with her child and said she would be on vacation. She would stay for 10 days, and I was happy until things morphed into something other than the relationship I expected. First of all, I never invited her to move in.

She was “off on vacation” for 10 days but kept pushing her date for leaving. First it was that she couldn’t get enough of me, then it was that she would miss me, then she said she had problems with family and was happy to be with me.

I asked about her boy’s school, but she said he was only going to daycare. In the month that she ended up staying, her habits and behaviors took me from loving her to hating her. She refused to clean after herself, expecting the cleaning lady to pick up after her.

My mom has no problem doing the dishes despite having staff and this woman wouldn’t even bother to scrape them and put them in the dishwasher. She wore a pair of cloth sneakers without socks and the smell was atrocious and I just don’t know what was more embarrassing, if I had to tell her that her feet stank or the stench itself.

There was an incident when my high school friends joined me for a Friendsgiving. We ended up clowning around and a friend had the brilliant idea of playing twister. Everyone took off their shoes and I was dreading it. I know I was spineless, but I tried to pull her out of the group to do something and failed.

She removed those disgusting shoes, and the smell took over. Everyone was silent, I could swear it was like falling into a haze. I think she realized what was going on when I called her aside and she immediately ran to the back porch to the garden hose and poured some water on her feet “because it was hot."

Like weather had anything to do with her massacring everyone in the living room. She came back with socks on, and it helped a lot, but the damage was done, and I was embarrassed.

There were other habits. I saw her cleaning her private parts with hand cream or any lotion instead of just taking a shower. She was messy and careless, and this created tension. I think I could handle and work through all those things by dialogue, except being lied to. Three days after Thanksgiving, she had a huge argument with her father.

I could hear him very clearly when he yelled that she was disgusting, and he would try to remove her kid because she wasn’t divorced yet. I was shocked and asked her on the spot and she tried to deny it but I heard the guy. Her initial story was that she was divorced, her husband having abandoned her. This was very unsettling, and I kept asking questions. I got a different answer every time.

I know it's wrong, but I got into her phone. She’s still married. Her messages with her legal husband are cordial, nothing acrimonious because of abandonment. He's in the military. They are separated but she gets child support.

She lied about this. Also, the guy had no clue that she was out of state, and she never mentioned being in a new relationship at all. I also didn’t like that she had been taking pictures of my place and my parents' house and sending them to her friends.

I didn’t tell her that I had gone through her phone, but I told her that she was expected to get a job if she wanted to move to my state. Her face changed. I immediately started sending her links to open positions. She did nothing about this and I gave her an ultimatum by mid-December. She wouldn’t leave my house and she wouldn’t get a job and showed zero interest in at least cleaning after herself.

I know this sounds petty, but I exploded when she ate an entire rum cake by herself. That was a gift from my best friend, and she just unwrapped and ate it despite knowing that it was a present. As background, Vernon (M43) is my best friend and he’s from the West Indies.

He was the first non Caucasian meaningful friendship that I built and knowing his family helped me appreciate diversity. I spent an entire Xmas Season with them after a rough breakup and I loved their rum cake. Every year, his mother bakes one for me and gifts it to me and it has sentimental value.

She rummaged all over the cake and picked on the pieces of fruit and made a huge mess and wasted more than ⅓ of that cake. When I came home and saw that, she tried to baby talk herself out of it. That night, she got drunk after I refused to be intimate. I put her son to bed to help him avoid the spectacle and when I came back, she was talking and walking almost like a baby.

I don’t know if my description is clear enough, but I haven’t hated anyone more than I hated her at that moment. I called her father from her phone and reassured her that she was okay, and he begged me to have her go back because she wasn’t talking to him. The guy sounded kind of rough, but I guess it’s reasonable considering the immense fuckup that he has for a daughter.

After asking her to leave and she is saying no for the millionth time and calling me names for not wanting to work things out, I bought 2 one-way tickets and put all their belongings in her suitcases while she was getting ready for us to go on a drive. I never mentioned anything. I could hardly even look at her.

I got out of the car, handed her the luggage and pulled away. I’m not going to lie, I felt horrible. I gave her kid a nice game so that he could have something nice for Christmas but completely ignored her screaming at me.

I called her dad on my own and gave him the flight info and then blocked everyone. My parents say I was an A-hole for doing that on Xmas day. They agree that they don’t like her, but say I needed to be more transparent and at least don’t ruin her Xmas day. I didn’t put her out on the street. Her Dad said he would pick her up. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Still_Storm7432 said:

NTA. You definitely dodged a huge bullet...phew.

WhatHappenedMonday said:

NTA. Change your locks in case she had a copy made of your keys. Change all passwords including on any credit cards, bank accounts, etc. Change passwords on your phone and computers.

She was smart enough to move in with you without you being aware. She might have been smart enough to take out a little "insurance" in case she got kicked out. You might want to contact her still legal husband too. He might be interested in the situation.

DivineTarot said:

NTA. She was abusing your hospitality and using you, she absolutely had to go and she put you in a position where you'd have to be some level of an ass to protect yourself.

You're not the ahole, because an entirely different level she was one while you were fully justified in doing something kind of aholish. If she had a hint of smarts she'd learn from this situation and better herself, but it sounds like she's a dumpster fire who won't.

UnusualPotato1515 said:

NTA. She moved in without your consent, stank up your place, was gold digging & had no plan to work, was still married & lied about it, hygiene issues, no manners & is greedy, lazy, is a bad mum - not sure how you survived 9 months. F- her Christmas- her son got a nice gift her lazy ass could probably never afford & got plane ride that kids like! Good riddance.

GroundbreakingTwo201 said:

NTA. Doing on Christmas Day is a bit sh%tty, but that woman had to go. She was clearly looking for a free ride for her and her kid. Avoid LD relationships with strangers, folks.

joe-lefty500 said:

NTA Christmas Day is irrelevant. You ended up giving yourself the best gift of all , freedom from this manipulative, entitled harpy. Tell your folks to put a sock in it. Be more cautious in future. There’s someone out there who will be a better fit for you.

facinationstreet said:

I'm surprised you never noticed how horrendous her behavior was on any of the previous visits. Either way, NTA

Everyone agreed unanimously here that OP was not in the wrong for this one. What's your advice for this situation?

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