"AITA for kicking my homeless friend out of my house?"
I (32M) live with my wife (29F) somewhere in France. Earlier this year one of her close friends (30F) got dumped by her boyfriend and he kicked her out. She couldn’t go to her mom because she lives with her grandma and she said it was too stressful, but it could have still be an option, they live like 6 hours away by car from us. My wife is very kind and invited her to stay with us during our wedding prep.
She slept in our room for 3 weeks and the night of our wedding. It was supposed to be temporary, just until she figure things out. Now it’s been 5 months. She never said when she plan to leave. I kept asking her to look for a job, but every time it looked like she was gonna start, she went on vacation instead. We helped her update her résumé and even sent her profile to a few companies.
If we hadn’t done it for her, she would’ve lost her benefits completely. She sent a total of 1 resume on her own in the last 10 month. She lives in our living room, which is half of our flat. She keeps the shutters closed all day until she wake up (12 or even 4PM) so we have no natural light.
My wife and I both work from home, we do meetings from the kitchen on a stool because we don’t want to wake her up. She almost never does dishes or clean, and when she does, it’s half done. I told her many times I don’t feel comfortable entering the living room while she sleeps, but nothing change.
Few months ago I finally asked “when are you leaving?” She looked confused like “leaving what?” I said “the apartment.” She said initially she was planning for September (she never said a word about that) now maybe October. I was so relieved because that talk was hard for me.
Then mid-September she left for few weeks without telling us, leaving all her stuff. She texted the morning that she was coming back that day. I asked “ok but then you leave right after?” She said “what do you mean leave?” I reminded her of our talk, she said she didn’t remember, then said she said “if I don’t find a job I’ll see what I can do during October.” (She didn’t say that.)
We talked again recently. I told her she uses ambiguity to her advantage and that her silence is driving me crazy. She cried a lot but I still talked I tried to emphasize our feelings over hers during the conversation. I made her acknowledge and tell me what she understood of the conversation, felt like she understood.
Fast forward to today, she still didn’t give me a date. She just said “I think I leave next week and take my stuff in November.” This time I said “no, you give me a date, and after that you’re not living here.” She said “I don’t know.” which pissed me off and I told her that after the 1st of November she won't be living here.
She said okay but later told my wife she was leaving "around November". Now I feel trapped in my own home and tired of this situation. I know we could have be more firm with her by establishing rules when she moved in but AITA for kicking my homeless friend out of my house?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
No_Training3611 wrote:
At this point I think it’s worth the 12 hour round trip to pack up her stuff and drop it off at her mums. That way she can’t come back at you claiming she has nowhere to live. And stop being so nice. No tiptoeing around so you don’t disturb her. She’s got it too good. Why would she leave?
EasternNovel3457 wrote:
You’re not a hotel. She’s going to drag this out as long as she can. Start putting her things in boxes and have them waiting for her by the door. You need to stand up for yourself. Tell her if she doesn’t take her stuff and leave immediately you’ll be putting her stuff outside and changing the locks. Change them anyway once she’s gone!
PlayfulPea6287 wrote:
You have been far too gracious. You should have kicked her out long ago. If this were me, I would be far more direct and explain very clearly that she is in your home and she has overstayed her welcome. Give her a date to leave- not the other way around.
If she doesn't leave by this date, call the authorities to have her escorted out, and remove her belongings from the home, and place them out the front for her to collect. She is not your problem. You have been nice enough. She is now taking you for a ride.
quincebush wrote:
NTA. Check out the eviction process in your region of France and follow it to a "T". It's the only way you're going to get this freeloading leech off your sofa and out of your apartment. You've been more than generous and she's going to keep moving the goal posts until she knows you're dead serious.
urbanyeti0 wrote:
NTA if she can afford a vacation she can afford an apartment. Stop being doormats and give her a date she has to leave by, no “when will you be ready”, it’s “you need to leave by 31 October, if you’re not gone I’m donating everything of yours to charity shop and changing locks”
Environmental Cap3964 wrote:
STOP WFH IN THE KITCHEN, YOU NEED TO WFH IN THE LOUNGEROOM!!. Open up all the shutters, play loud music or tv while you’re having breakfast, kick her out of bed tell her she needs to get up because you need TO WORK.
FFS why did you even let her back in when she went off for 3 weeks? You should have packed up her stuff and had it waiting for her. Look, she doesn’t have a job there she doesn’t need to stay there, pack up all her stuff and get her a train / bus ticket to her mums town, FOR THIS WEEKEND! smh...