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'AITA for kicking my MIL out of my wife’s baby shower? She was ruining the vibe.'

'AITA for kicking my MIL out of my wife’s baby shower? She was ruining the vibe.'

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"AITA for kicking my MIL out of my wife’s baby shower?"

I (28M) and my wife (29F) are expecting our first baby in March and are very excited, but there have been some complications. My wife has been struggling with constant nausea and pain, which has led her to be basically bed ridden the past few months.

Her nausea has been a bit better lately, so my mom and sister decided to throw us a baby shower (I know that dad isn’t typically invited, but that’s just how my family does it.) Well, my MIL is not happy about any of it. She is upset that my family is throwing the shower (even though she never offered to help) and upset that men were invited.

That, I could see from her point of view and put aside for the sake of reducing drama. What I couldn’t forgive was her comments toward my wife the second she came through the door. She claimed that my wife “wasn’t really that sick” and was “just doing it to get out of work” when, in reality, my wife was working online literally from the bathroom in between v*miting.

The kicker was when my sweet sister tried to lighten the mood saying “well, at least (wife) is feeling better now” and MIL said “I bet she’s just her to get our money and attention, then not show her face for another month.” I was LIVID. I told her she needed to shut up or leave, because this day was about supporting my wife and our baby, so she needed to do that.

That ticked her off so she screamed at my wife and I for being ungrateful until my wife cried, so I told her to “just f--k off already.” She finally listened and left, any the rest of the party went somewhat smoothly. However, some family members said I should have just ignored her, and wife doesn’t want to talk about it. So, AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

throwaway_virtuoso71 wrote:

NTA. The woman who birthed me and her other daughter who were living with me BARGED into my bedroom at like 6am on my birthday to “be the first ones to wish me a happy birthday. Which makes no sense because my husband and I slept in the same room and he had just stepped out either to use the bathroom or make me some tea.

I was seven months pregnant and had had a ROUGH night. He came back in and was SHOCKED to find them in there after he had quietly snuck out so I could finally sleep. He kicked them out, and they were miffed, saying they just wanted to celebrate me. He was like “it’s 6am and she’s pregnant. This is not about her, you are making it about YOU”. So they sulked all day because he was “mean to them."

Your wife needs you to advocate for her, even if she herself won’t rock the boat with her mom (I couldn’t have kicked my mom out myself, or even thought to. I would have just gritted my teeth through it). You did exactly what she needed. Good for you.

Pure-Philosopher-175 wrote:

NTA. You defended your heavily pregnant and sick wife from her nasty, unsympathetic mother. If MIL wanted a baby shower done her way, she could have thrown one herself. What was she accusing you of being “ungrateful“ for?

She didn’t contribute to the shower, and it sounds like she hasn’t done much apart from criticise and throw screaming tantrums. I doubt this is the first time MIL has behaved like this, and she knows she can get away with it if people “just ignore her.” She needed to be called out. I hope your wife feels better soon and congratulations on the baby :)

extinct_diplodocus wrote:

NTA. You did the right thing. MIL was seriously slandering her own daughter (your wife). Your wife was just too sick to give MIL the pushback she deserved, so you stepped in to defend your wife.

Those who said "ignore her (MIL)" . are asking you to stand idle while letting your wife get maligned. You really don't want to allow any possible doubt about maybe you're in tacit agreement with those insults. I do hope their reactions were temporary insanity, rather than indicating that they'd decline to defend their own spouse.

Enlightened_Gardener wrote:

You got your Papa Bear on, and that’s great. Be ready to wield a large shitty stick when baby is born as well, MIL will not be able to handle all the attention the baby will get. Suggestion: do not have MIL over to your house to see the baby. Meet at a relative’s place or a restaurant.

That way when she arcs up (and she will arc up) you can simply leave, rather than having to boot her out. Ultimately its worth considering going low- or no-contact with her, but make that decision when your wife is feeling better. NTA.

AmarraOpal wrote:

NTA. You stepped up when it counted! Keeping the peace doesn't mean letting toxic comments slide, especially when your wife is already dealing with enough. You made a tough call under pressure, but it sounds like it was needed to protect your wife’s peace on a day that should be all about celebrating your upcoming family addition.

Sometimes setting boundaries is the only way to keep the drama at bay, even if it means showing someone the door. Hang in there and focus on supporting your wife and prepping for the new baby!

BloomSara wrote:

NTA, you stood up for your wife that’s paramount. You guys have to defend your family I can’t even imagine why she would act so badly. You gave her a chance to stop and she just got worse so yeah telling her to fuck off makes perfect sense. I would tell anyone saying “ignore her” that you don’t let anyone run down your wife and make her cry that’s not happening.

All the MIL had to do was throw an additional shower that she preferred. The good news is everyone learned you aren’t going to stand by and watch while people insult your wife. They probably won’t try that again for a long time. Saying she made excuses? Just toxic horrible s--t that no one should watch passively.

Sources: Reddit
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