'AITA for kicking my mom out for saying I gave up a good man when I divorced my ex?'
"AITA for kicking my mom out for saying I gave up a good man when I divorced my ex?"
My (44F) mom (64F) is a little too in love with my ex husband (43M), even though it's been 13 years since our divorce was finalized. My ex and I had one child together, a son who is now 16. My mom is hung up on the fact that my ex is a good dad and an extremely loyal person. Also a nice person except when he's particularly frustrated.
Our divorce was caused by me disliking his lack of motivation to improve himself and to build a financial safety net. Instead he was ok making $17 an hour for a niche artsy small business where most of the employees were there because their passion outweighed their salary expectations.
He was a college graduate doing a lot of office management stuff that in every other company would have been paid more.
He'd refuse to see reason when I'd tell him that he needed to jump ship before the ship that was a small business being outcompeted in price would sink. Eventually we realized this was a conflict we could never agree on and I decided to pull the plug.
Since then, I have moved on with a boyfriend (49M) who my mom dislikes with a passion. She always taunts him by saying he wins all arguments because he raises his voice so loud that everybody else's voices go out.
My boyfriend is an Executive VP working in the venture capital industry. We have two kids together (13F, 8F), but he refuses to discuss marriage because he said my first marriage did not work out, so why would I want to go down that path again?
In between coparenting and my boyfriend being my son's de facto stepdad, my ex and I moved from being exes to being friends. We are each other's emotional support, and he deals with my boyfriend's Type A " executive" personality well, which I really appreciate.
My boyfriend and I have been having problems because he is somebody who loves to explain himself. Especially with regards to what he deserves from other people. He thinks other people have to pay their dues to be on his level.
I've compared the emotional labor I've had to put in to somebody expecting me to run at the same pace as an Olympic sprinter. My BF lectures me when I am insecure about other women and refuses to do anything. I am dealing with hormonal issues and he takes it personally when I am not always bubbly and smiling in his presence.
He recently said he wanted a break and I honestly wanted a break from his Type A demands. I decided to move out and my ex is driving Uber now since the company he worked for closed so we agreed I would move in and take care of his son and my daughters while he works or job hunts.
My mom is over a lot now and the other day she said I'm acting like myself again. I was fine with her joking that for my 45th I should tell my boyfriend to kick rocks. But I wasn't fine with her saying that my ex is a good man and I lost a good man in him.
I thought that was inappropriate and not true and told her to leave my apartment. She shot back it wasn't even my apartment but that she seems to have hit a nerve. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
yesimreadytorumble said:
It’s interesting how you divorced your ex for not meeting your standards and now the same thing is happening to you with someone who seems like you don’t even like as a person. You’re in for a crazy 10 years dealing with this dude, I guess you’re lucky he never wanted to marry you. You might want to have people in your corner, kinda seems like you need it.
MNConcerto said:
YTA, sorry but it sounds like your ex is actually a nice caring person not motivated by money and your bf is a jerk who thinks everyone should bow down to him because he makes lots of money and can out argue them. I'm just using your descriptions. You are with your boyfriend because you like his income and ambition but he doesn't even respect you.
You are emotionally connected to your ex who supports you and respects you AND took in when you had to leave your jerk of a boyfriend. Your mom is right. I'm sorry but I'd rather be with someone who is supportive and respectful than a jerk know it who thinks he should be respected because he has the biggest wallet. You chose poorly, to quote a Indiana Jones movie.
ObsidianNight10610 said:
So your ex husband took your assumingly unemployed self in with your 3 kids, 2 of which isn't his, letting you live off him, again, is your emotional support human and you're mad at your mom for pointing out that he's a good and possibly better man than the boyfriend that refused to marry you, that has a domineering personality, treats you like an inconvenience?
Girl, you got your priorities all messed up. YTA and your ex husband is a saint for dealing with your BS.
YogurtclosetActual75 said:
You know, I think your mom's right. Yta.
Poinsettia917 said:
YTA because your mother is right. But hey, money is the most important thing in life, right?
CollardGreenz78 said:
Two things:
Your mother completely overstepped by saying that shit. It's your life, and you should be free to live it however you want.
She's also right. Your ex sounds like a decent dude who you chucked aside because material objects and money are your highest priority. Never mind, of course, that you were completely unsupportive of what was clearly a passion for him.
Enjoy your massively unfulfilling relationship with your entitled, type-A shit bag boyfriend. You two sound like a great match.