'AITA for kicking my SIL out for the way she reacted to the news that we're trying for a baby?'

"AITA for kicking my SIL out for the way she reacted to some news?"

My wife (f24) and I (m28) have been married for four years, we have a four year old daughter together. We live in the same city as my wife's family.

Last month was my wife's birthday, but we couldn't celebrate because her grandmother got sick and sadly passed away that same week, so obviously neither her or anyone had the energy for a party. That's why I prepared a party for my wife last weekend, it wasn't anything very big, just a BBQ with family and close friends.

While we were eating dessert, my mother mentioned that our daughter has grown up a lot, we started talking about my daughter/ children and my wife commented that we were trying for a baby since we want to have another child. Her sister got upset.

She told my wife that it's gross that we would announce that (I don't see how it is gross tbh, it's very normal adult conversation imo) and she made a comment about my wife's and my private life which was uncomfortable for us. We get it, she's been having some personal issues which mean the topic of babies is hard for her, we've been trying to be understanding and praying for her.

However, I tried to calmly tell her that we don't appreciate those kind of comments. She replied that she doesn't appreciate us rubbing our fertility in her face. My wife told her that we're clearly not doing that, that we just want to share something important with our family.

SIL replied by getting angry and saying that's not true, that we always want to rub it on her face because my wife always wants to be the center of attention while she gets cast aside and nobody feels empathy for her. She also called my wife a "golden child". She had gotten very angry and was attacking my wife, so I kicked her out, she really said a lot of stuff that hurt my wife's feelings

Some of her family members have texted me these days to tell me off for the way I reacted at the party, they said I'm a man so I can't fully understand SIL. They said that this issue was between my wife and her sister and I shouldn't have intervened like that, they also said that kicking her out will just make her feel worse because she needs understanding.

The internet kept sharing their thoughts in response.

St_Alvis wrote:

NTA "I prepared a party for my wife last weekend. My wife always wants to be the center of attention while she gets cast aside and nobody feels empathy for her."

IT'S YOUR WIFE'S PARTY!

OP responded:

Yes, but she meant that my wife supposedly does this every time, although personally I think it's normal to want to share things about yourself when you're talking with other people.

ballman666 wrote:

It’s totally normal and it was a totally normal conversation y’all were having. You are NTA, but your SIL is a big one. I wouldn’t have put up with that in my home either.

OP responded:

A few people here disagree haha, I think it's totally normal too, we're all adults.

Marketing_introvert wrote:

I’m a woman that wasn’t able to have children. I had to make hard decisions for my health. Life didn’t stop for everyone else when I had my full hysterectomy. To expect it to is ridiculous. It absolutely hurt to my soul when seeing and hearing others journey with childbearing and rearing. Everything was and is a reminder of what I wasn’t able to have.

But I absolutely did not take that hurt out on my loved ones. I did my best to support them and be happy for them. No one should make someone else feel bad to make themselves feel better. It is your job to stand with and care for your wife, which you did a great job of. Consider talking to your wife about having her mother talk to her sister about therapy. Sometimes we need help.

OP responded:

I think her husband and her are already in therapy, I understand that it's hard for them, especially for her.

patient_host wrote:

Oh ffs.. "it's ok for her to act like that because she's a woman". She behaved totally out of line and you were within your rights to ask her to leave. Was there alcohol involved by any chance? That seems like the kind of blow up someone might have when they've been feeling bad/down etc about something then has a bit too much to drink.

If so I'd speak to her when she was sober and let he know "I know you're going through a lot and I'm here for you/support you, and i want to be clear we didn't mean to come off as insensitive, but you were out of order and you owe my wife an apology."

OP responded:

We don't drink so we didn't buy any alcohol, but some guests brought their own beer, I'm not sure if SIL drank or not.

Early-revolution9142 wrote:

NTA. My brother was grossed out by our cousin saying she was trying for a baby with her fiance. When I asked why he said it was basically announcing that they have s#$ without protection (his words were “telling everyone she’s getting cream pied”) and I said in response that the only gross one was him if that was his only thought and to stop watching p#rn.

OP responded:

I agree, like, we're all adults, are we going to pretend that we're not having s#@? It's more weird to think about it that way as you say, when someone tells me they're trying for a baby I don't imagine them any way, I just think they want to be parents and that's it.

brattygio wrote:

Grief doesn’t give you a pass to be cruel. You handled it way better than most would’ve. The fact that people are mad at you instead of checking the one who blew up at a BBQ says everything about this family dynamic. Protect your wife first. Always.

specialist-owl-2660 wrote:

INFO: Whether or not you were the AH depends on your wife. Did she approve of you kicking your SIL out? Is this something she wanted?

OP responded:

She feels kind of bad now, but at the moment she didn't say anything because she had to go inside since she was affected by the argument. She wasn't in the garden with us when I kicked her sister out.