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'AITA for kicking my wife and her daughter out after her daughter destroyed my car?' UPDATED

'AITA for kicking my wife and her daughter out after her daughter destroyed my car?' UPDATED


"AITA for kicking my wife and her daughter out of my house?"

Me (32M) and my wife “Andy”(34F) have been together for about 3 years now, we are married for one of those years. We get along really well, only problem is her daughter “Carrie”(16F). She is a daughter from my wifes previous marriage. Her father (my wifes ex-husband) died in a car accident about 5 years ago.

When me and Andy started dating we took things really slow, she didn’t introduce me to Carrie until she knew things were serious between us. When I met Carrie she was acting really distant and overall she was mean to me. But I understood that, of course. I tried to bond with her and spend some time together, but I never forced her to do anything she didn’t want to do.

I told her to address me with my first name and had no intention to “replace” her father, I just wanted us to get along. Things got better, but sometimes she was rude to me and had some inappropriate comments. I never said anything to her, because my wife told me to just give her some time. Things really escalated after our marriage. I offered my wife and her daughter to live in my house.

Andy immediately agreed, her daughter not so much, but since she was 15 at the time my wife gave her no choice. That’s when the problems started. Carrie would intentionally make mess in the kitchen (like destroying glasses and plates) and leave the sharp glass on the ground. She would throw things out of the window and insult our neighbors etc... this would happen like twice a week.

I admit a have a bad temper so sometimes I yelled at her and made her clean her mess, but I never laid my hands on her and never physically punished her. My wife repeatedly told her to stop behaving like that but it didn’t help. This went on for about a year. Last week she had outdone herself. Me and Andy were coming home from dinner and the garage door was open.

We found Carrie there and she was destroying my car (I have BMW X5, so a pretty expensive one). She slashed two tires with a knife and scratched the surface with her keys. I completely snapped, I told her evil little b* and to get the f* out of my house. My wife sided with her and said that Carrie is just acting out and I shouldn’t call her like that. I was furious and told my wife that if she’s ok with Carrie destroying

my stuff, she can get the f* out as well. We argued about 15 minutes, during the argument I said that I want Carrie to pay for my car and If she won’t I will sue her ( I have camera in my garage and have everything recorded ). Andy told me I can’t do that and that I’m heartless, in response to that I told them both to pack their bags and get out (it was almost 12pm). They packed and left.

When I think about it now, I know I could handle the situation better and more calmly. But I think this kinda had to happen. We will be having a divorce and I will be seeing a lawyer to sue Carrie for destroying my car. I was just so fed up with her constantly destroying stuff and overall being toxic. I talked about this with my parents and my mom kinda thinks I’m TA. So Reddit AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA - theres a difference between giving space, and allowing someone to walk all over you. You gave the space and drew a line. If your wife had any respect for you or your marriage, she wouldve handled it before it got to this point. The kid needs therapy, but things like that dont fly in the real world. Better a civil court case versus charges being pressed.

aitafor11111 said:

So there is already a lot of questions about suing a 16 y.o. I don’t know if I still want to do that but I will try to explain it for you guys. I live in Central Europe and law in my country says that after the age of 15 you can he hold accountable for your actions legally. You can’t be send into prison, but you aren’t treated like a minor either.

So yes, I could sue a 16y.o. Me and my wife had a prenup and didn’t share money so after the divorce (if it actually happens) we should get settled pretty easily. So I won’t be suing her or even myself. I don’t know that if I sue Carry, her mother will end up being the one who has to pay for the damage. I haven’t talked to the lawyer yet.

abis7 said:

ESH...mostly your wife. She put her own needs before her daughter—who it sounds like was still grieving and not accepting of the situation when you married and moved in together. She should have paused and helped her daughter with some of her feelings...even if that meant postponing sharing a home for a bit.

As things escalated, you guys definitely should have sought counseling. Your stepdaughter is absolutely in the wrong for her actions, but the adults haven’t helped things.

j_lynn41716 said:

Definitely NTA . Carrie clearly needs some help working out whatever issues that have been around since before her mom met you . And since she’s under 18 it might actually be Andy that’s financially responsible for your car and you should absolutely pursue if necessary.

Creppz said:

Gah I’m going with NTA with a flavouring of over reacting but probably over reacting from a year of built up frustration.

[deleted] said:

ESH and here’s why. Healthy people don’t go from distant and mean to smashing plates and glasses multiple times a week over nothing. It doesn’t sound like either of you ever actually did something about it other than yell at her and tell her to stop. You both just sat back and let it happen.

Did either of you ever talk to her about this, get her therapy, do anything? This girl is clearly crying out for attention. Yes, she communicated that very poorly, but it doesn’t seem like her mom taught her communication skills.

Paul_Rueger said:

Hard one, but I feel like NTA. Reasoning being that you've tried to be a decent step parent, but instead have your belongings and house trashed. Kid sounds like she has a serious psyche problem. IANAL: but I think you'd have to sue your wife (ex wife?) To get payment. I assume with a fancy car like that you have full coverage, which should cover it, but still sucks.

Verdict: NTA/ESH.

He later shared this update:

Hey guys a lot of you asked me how am I doing and for an update. It has been couple of weeks since the incident now. I met with my wife and we discused everything. She wanted to continue with our marriage and give it a second chance, but I told her I want a divorce. It was very hard for me, but in the end I think it was a right thing to do.

I still love my wife, but I don’t want to be caught in the midle of all that again. Last year was the most stresfull and hardest period of my life and I felt like I have to put my mental health and my well being first. This wasn’t easy for Andy either, but I think she understood, we agreed this would be also better for Carrie. I strongly advised to get her daughter profesional help and Carrie has started therapy last week.

We went to lawyers office and signed the divorce papers. It was really quick and smooth. We had a prenup, didn’t share money and our marriage lasted only a year. There is still some small things that need to be dealt with, but it is pretty much over.

I also met with my lawyer. We got a rough estimate on that car damage and it’s a lot. Two slashed tires, deep scratches all over the car and a bit cracked windows. It is about 6000€ (average salary in my country is about 1000€ a month, so this is a lot of money). We talked to my insurance company and my insurance doesn’t cover vandalism or any kind of this damage.

My lawyer strongly advised me to go to the pollice and press charges againts Carrie. I wasn’t sure about this but he said if anything goes wrong, this will help my case. So I did that. Couple days after I met with Andy to talk about this situation. We both brought our lawyers to help us with all the legal stuff. I told her my insurance won’t cover anything and I want her to pay for all the damage.

She said she doesn’t have that much money, they moved in with her parents and she is looking for a new place, so she needs all the money she can get right now. I offered to pay for the damage now and she will be paying me back when she has the money. She agreed.

Because I reported Carrie to the police, she will have a criminal record (which sucks, because it will likely cause her problems in the future, but she kind of brought it on herself) and in a couple of weeks she will be facing something like a civil rights court. My lawyer said she will most likely end up getting a court ordered psychiatrist and some hours of community work.

It has been a really rough couple of weeks but my amazing friends helped me a lot to get through this all and I’m glad it’s over. Also thank you guys for your judgements and kind messages.

Sources: Reddit
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