'AITA for leaving a wasted girl alone at a bar? Her friends think I'm an AH now.' UPDATED

"AITA for leaving a drunk girl alone at a bar?"

This involves : Me (32M), Matt (30M), Matt’s girlfriend, Lisa (28f) and her friend, Jane (20s). Two days back, it was Matt’s birthday. He invited me and few of our friends to a small birthday dinner at this restaurant which is also kinda a bar. The plan was to eat, drink and chill. Matt’s girlfriend, Lisa, also invited few of her own friends.

It was a group of around 15 people. I mostly hung out with my own friends and Matt, and Lisa’s friends with her. One of Lisa’s friend, Jane, kept trying to talk to me throughout the evening. It was kinda awkward for me as I’m an introvert and the conversations with her felt like they were going nowhere. At around 12, I decided to head back home.

Jane came up to me and told me that even she wanted to go back home. I was like okay, cool. Then she asked me if I could drop her off at her house. I asked her where she lived and she told me some address that wasn’t even on my way, so I told her to ask someone else to drop her off. She asked me if I was sure I couldn’t and I was like yup, absolutely.

Jane was visibly dr-nk but I figured she had like a group of friends so someone would give her a ride. Also, I was tired as f- and just wanted to go back and sleep.

The next morning I woke up to some very angry messages from Lisa. She was furious at me for leaving Jane alone at the party.

Apparently they all assumed at since I was ‘hanging’ out with Jane, I would have the ‘decency’ to drop her back home. I told her that I talked to Jane for a total of like 15 mins in the entire 3-4 hours and I don’t understand why everyone wanted me to be her personal chauffeur. All of her friends obviously think I’m a huge AH. Matt has decided to stay neutral on this.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Tishers wrote:

NTA. It sounds like Jane has some 'plans' right from the get-go on hooking up with you. As she got further intoxicated Lisa just assumed that nature would take its course and left Jane to handle her own game.

Kudos for you for not taking advantage of an increasingly drunk girl. Not AH'ish but maybe a little bit disregarding that she was going to find her own way home. Then again, there was an entire circle of people there who should of also been looking out for her as well.

If Lisa was on her toes she should of taken you aside and asked you if you were interested in Jane and yes or no if you would at least make sure that Jane got home OK. It seems a whole bunch of people were making assumptions that evening; There are plenty of people who cannot handle their alcohol and she could of just as easily called an Uber for herself.

OP responded:

Ah. I’m pretty sure Jane is in her early 20s. Part of the reason the conversations were awkward with her was because she sounded like a kid to me, I felt there was a generational gap lol. Hooking up was out of question.

DiMassas_Cat wrote:

You didn’t leave her alone, you left her in a bar with her friends. Just because their matchmaker game didn’t work and they are embarrassed about it doesn’t mean they can shift the blame to you. Lisa sounds like an AH.

UniqueGuy362 wrote:

They're just pissed because Jane was into you and you didn't reciprocate. You had no obligation to her at all, regardless of what they say. I'm guessing that taxis and Uber were available, as well as all or most of Lisa's friends.

Lisa and her friends were the only ones who had any sort of moral obligation to make sure she got home fine and, even then, Jane's a f-king adult, so she can f--ing adult. Matt doesn't seem like much of a friend, bud.

Amazing_Reality2980 wrote:

NTA Jane was Lisa's guest and it was up to her and her friends to get Jane home. Not you just because you talked to her for a few minutes. That's ridiculous. Sounds like the girls were all planning on setting you up with Jane and part of that plan was for you to give her a ride home so she could be alone with you. That plan failed and now they're all mad. Not your fault. Not your problem.

Two months later, OP shared an update.

Lisa entirely stopped talking to me after the incident (not that we were close before, but she would sometimes forward reels etc on Instagram). Matt was also being distant. But whatever. I got busy with work and forgot about it.

A week after the said incident, Matt texted me saying he need a favour. He said he wanted me to apologise to Jane. I was like fuck, no, I’m not apologising to her. Matt said that he knows that it’s not my fault at all and he’s tried explaining this to Lisa but she’s adamant that I was an asshole to Jane and made Lisa look bad in front of her.

Apparently Lisa gave Matt an ultimatum saying that if I don’t apologise to her and Jane, Matt needs to cut me off. This honestly was some high school bs that Lisa was partaking in, and very toxic, and I told Matt the same thing, but he was really desperate and pathetically sad so I agreed to text Jane an apology.

I texted her something along the lines of “Hey, sorry I didn't drop you off at your place like you asked. I was really tired and wasn't thinking. My bad." She replied with ‘It’s alright. Don’t worry about it’. But this apparently made Jane think I’m interested in her or something (and I felt like an absolute idiot for agreeing to apologise). She started texting me. A LOT.

In the beginning I gave monosyllabic replies but then her texting increased A LOT and I straight up hit her with ‘Please stop texting me. I'm not interested.’ This hurt her and she snitched about this to Lisa (again, high school bs) and Lisa started threatening Matt to go NC with me. They fought about this non-issue for like a week, and this made Matt realise that Lisa is really toxic and they broke up.

Jane hasn’t tried contacting me either. Life is peaceful (for the time being).

~The end~

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

Traditional-Trade795 wrote:

At this point, getting cut off doesn't sound like a threat, it sounds like a sweet release.

Thepatriot74 wrote:

Jane was interested all along. It was never about leaving her at the bar, it was about you snubbing her. Lisa promised her to set you up with her, they probably talked about it for weeks before that party. But it did not work, and Lisa and Jane did not take it well. NTA, dodged a couple of b-llets from the looks of it; kinda funny though.

EuphoricTHicc wrote:

Sounds like Jane wasn't the only one causing drama and being toxic. Glad you were able to cut out the negativity in your life.

OP responded:

I’m glad Matt got back to his senses tbh.

ImyoUrss wrote:

Wow, Lisa really needs to grow up. It's not your fault that Jane can't handle her alcohol and expects you to be her personal chauffeur. And it's even more ridiculous that Lisa would try to control who you can and cannot apologize to. Glad you stood your ground and told Jane to back off. Looks like everything worked out and you dodged a bullet with Lisa. Some people just never mature.