'AITA for leaving a wedding reception upon arrival?' UPDATED
"AITA for leaving a wedding reception upon arrival?"
So this happened last weekend. I (36F) was asked by my brother (40M) to do him a favor and go to a wedding with his recently divorced best friend (42M), "Ted". Ted's just out of the marriage and hasn't started dating yet, but his sister was having her second wedding and he didn't want to be the only groomsman going alone.
I've known Ted for years and he's always seemed a decent enough dude when I've bumped into him at my brother's events. Lacking plans last Saturday, being a pity date to a wedding for him seemed fine.
I arrived on my own since he was in the bridal party, and the ceremony in the outdoor garden space was lovely. Upon entering the indoor reception space, Ted's name was on the seating chart at the head table. My name was not on the chart anywhere. Not as me. Not as Ted's +1. It was assigned seating and every chair at every table had a name.
I had not even spoken to Ted at this point as he was with the bridal party before the wedding and taken off to do photos right after. One of the event staff saw me at the seating chart for way too long and asked if I needed help.
I explained my issue and she called the wedding planner. After about 20 minutes of standing awkwardly in the lobby-type area, she came and informed me Ted did not have a plus one for the wedding and they were at some kind of fire safety limit for the venue for the seated dinner and they could not accommodate me at the event. She was polite but very firm.
I wanted to die of embarrassment, apologized, and texted Ted that the wedding planner said I had to leave because of occupancy limits and my not being on the guest list.
Then I hopped in my car and headed home. About a half-hour later, he texted me back saying his sister was being an AH and had invited his ex as his plus one and put her on the seating chart.
There was apparently drama and the ex left. He wanted me to come back and take her spot. It was still cocktail time, so dinner hadn't even happened yet and he had an empty seat next to him at the head table.
I was already home, changed out of my dress, makeup washed off, and looking at takeout menus. I texted him back that I wasn't comfortable returning when I'd already been kicked out, and I was already home and not in an event-appropriate state anymore anyway.
He got very demanding that I return because he was embarrassed by not having a date, and I'd promised to be there for him. He got my brother in on it to also demand I come back, and he's been guilting me ever since for leaving his BFF in the lurch.
This has turned into a whole Facebook thing where Ted's ex has been mocking him for his date running away, and people are blaming me for ditching him when my whole job was to be a pity date.
Also that I should have stayed until I talked to Ted himself instead of texting him. I could have stayed in the parking lot until he replied, I suppose, but it didn't occur to me at the time. I also could have gone back, but really just didn't want to at that point. AITA?
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
To clarify a couple things, I knew I wasn't going to see Ted until after the pictures. They got ready offsite and did the arrival at the ceremony thing in classic cars. I was pre-warned pictures would be immediately after.
Ted even suggested I only show up at the reception and skip the ceremony because of this, but I thought that was rude. Plus, I like weddings. That's some of what got me into this mess in the first place.
This is not to defend Ted; just to explain the logistics. Drag him for what he deserves, not what was agreed to in advance. Also, the Facebook drama only started on Friday, which is what prompted my post.
From the Facebook drama, my brother realized he got a warped version of the story from Ted. He reached out last night and invited me to a nice dinner, his treat, later this week. He apologized sincerely. He also asked my permission to enter the Facebook fray on my behalf. Better him than me. We're good. That's all I care about here.
The rest of the tea is from my brother. Ted's sis is the one who introduced Ted to his ex. The ex cheated and was caught by the affair partner's wife, who went full nuclear causing even oblivious Ted to realize what was going on.
Unsurprisingly, they'd been having trouble before this. Sis was attempting to get them back together as the ex never wanted the divorce. Glad I left before that scheme hit Ted in the face.
Finally, there's no way Ted thought we were hooking up. When we first met, I was a freshman in high school and he was my brother's big brother in his college fraternity.
It would just be weird even though time has passed. We've never had any vibe of that sort. He knew I was only a seat filler, and he didn't even manage to get me a seat.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Kragg_hack
So, why didn't Ted realise all this from the beginning. Why didn't he text you about if you were there before the wedding? Seems like he should have easily realised his ex was there and questioned his sister. Your NTA, but your brother, ted and his sister sure sounds like that.
tempdump9 (OP)
Ted has always been a bit oblivious to the world around him beyond what he's actively engaged in at the moment. Think the sort of guy who asks when dinner is at a BBQ when it's been being served for the last hour and he's ten feet away from the grill and table full of ready-to-eat food. He means well and was probably too busy playing with the kids to notice.
CapStar300
Where do people out of high school age even take the energy for that kind of drama.
ChenilleSocks
Talk about no good deed goes unpunished! Poor OP gets mired in some plot just trying to do the guy a favour. Glad her brother realized he was being ridiculous, but Ted and his sister are something else. Yikes.
ButterflySammy
NTA. You weren't on the list, were asked to leave. It would have been worse to make a scene and stay. I can see why he's recently divorced if he blames your actions.