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'AITA for leaving my boyfriend on the side of the road after he insulted my car skills?' UPDATED

'AITA for leaving my boyfriend on the side of the road after he insulted my car skills?' UPDATED

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"AITA for leaving my boyfriend on the side of the road?"

I 26 female and my boyfriend Nick 27 male have been dating for almost a year and something that has always bothered me is how Nick does not believe in maintaining or taking care of his vehicles.

Background: To give some context Nick bought his car brand new about five years ago and has put about 70,000 miles on the vehicle. Since purchasing the vehicle he has never had an oil change nor does he do any kind of regular maintenance. I would like to clarify by saying Nick's refusal to maintain his vehicle is not due to any kind of financial insecurity, Nick has an incredible job that pays him very fairly.

As a hobby and side job, I like to restore vehicles for a profit, I am by no means a mechanic I mostly clean up the vehicles, do bodywork and paint restoration. However, I do have a pretty fundamental understanding of cars and I know how to do the basics.

Story: Nick called me yesterday on my day off and told me he was about 10 minutes from my house and that he had a flat tire and asked if I could come to help him out. I grabbed my tool bag and headed out. When I got there Nick did not only have a flat tire but his front left rotor was cracked (rotor is part of the car's breaks) and his rim was bent to hell.

I was telling Nick that his car was undrivable and that he needed to call a tow, Nick started arguing with me telling me that it was just a flat tire and that it was not a big deal. I tried showing Nick how bad the damage was but he insisted I was overreacting and that he just needed me to change the tire.

I refused and in Nick‘s own words I started mothering him on how poorly he takes care of his car. The argument got heated and Nick lashed out at me and started saying things like “Just because you have a set of pink tools and watch YouTube doesn’t make you a f--king mechanic.”

After Nick said this I started to pack up my tools and told him that he was right, I’m not a mechanic but that he should probably call one because I’m not changing his tire. I left Nick on the side of the road and he refuses to talk to me until I apologize for abandoning him, AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

The-Jagged wrote:

So to summarise:

Your bf asked for your help

-You offered help, informed him of the seriousness of the problem.

BF didn't like your answer, told you what to do even though you know better.

  • This became heated.

  • Your bf was extremely offensive.

You rightly left him.

I'll be blunt you bf seriously sucks. To blow up over this is a BIG red flag. You're NTA. Good luck with your car hobby though, sounds awesome! Do you ever get your hands on classics?

OP responded:

I WISH! I mostly buy and work on cars that are under 10k and try to sell them for a 20-30% profit. Subaru, old Fords and classic Chevys have a special place in my heart though.

IWillRollMyEyes wrote:

NTA. And yikes! If he won’t maintain a high end purchase, how does he treat his home? He has made fun of your car knowledge, yelled at you for making an accurate statement about his broken car, and demanded an apology…none of which you deserved. Is this how he normally responds in stressful situations?

OP responded:

I’m gonna answer your question with way more detail than you asked for. I was raised by a single mom, I never had a father figure growing up. When something would break in our house I would teach myself how to fix it and my mother always encouraged me to chase how mechanically inclined I was.

After I met Nick‘s parents me and his father really bonded over our love for cars and our love for fixing them, Every time I would go over to Nick‘s parents house me and his father would inevitably end up in the garage tinkering.

Nick has always been insecure about how quickly me and his father developed a relationship, Nick obviously is not very mechanically inclined and has never shown any interest in cars. The relationship I have with Nick‘s father has been a source spot in our relationship for a long time and I think is why Nick lashed out the other day.

beguilery wrote:

NTA. He has a lot of nerve, picking a fight with someone he called for help.

brencoop wrote:

Calls for mechanical help, berates OP about being a mechanic.

TheFreakingPrincess wrote:

Yeah NTA, she has enough expertise for him to ask for a favor but the moment he hears something he doesn't like, she's suddenly not smart enough to help. Dump him.

Tim-oBedlam wrote:

NTA. He's put 70,000 miles on his car and has never changed the oil? WTF? I'm amazed the car still runs.

If you like to work on cars, then you won't want to be with someone that's that cavalier about car repair and maintenance. And that's unforgivable of him to insult you like that with the "pink tools" comment. I think it's time to leave the boyfriend, and not just his car, by the side of the road.

Penny_girl wrote:

The “pink tools” line is s-xism at its finest. He’s telling her she can’t possibly know what she’s talking about because she’s (gasp! The horror!) a woman. OP should leave him at the side of the road permanently.

Three days later, OP shared an update.

Thank you so much to everyone who commented on my original post! I spent a few days reading ALL of your comments and taking some time to self-reflect.

Vehicle Update: Nick drove a Nissan Versa and after I left him on the side of the road he ended up calling a tow truck/mobile mechanic. When the “actual” mechanic got there he told Nick everything I told him, the mechanic also refused to change his tire and told him he would only tow his car to a mechanic shop.

Nick refused to tell me what all the damage was to his vehicle but the damage must have been pretty bad because instead of fixing his Nissan and “wasting” all that money he decided he was just going to get a new car. Relationship Update: earlier today I invited Nick over for dinner, I spent the whole day cooking and baking Nick's favorite dishes (braised oxtail soup, drunken potatoes, and tiramisu for dessert).

When Nick got to my house he was in a wonderful mood and had seemed to have forgotten/forgiven all about the argument we had. After small talk and finishing dinner, I took a deep breath and started to tell Nick how much I care about him but that I no longer wish to continue our relationship romantically or otherwise. At first, Nick was shocked but quickly his shock turned into anger.

Nick felt I was insane for ending our relationship over such a petty, unimportant, argument. Eventually, Nick tried to apologize but I told him an apology was no longer something I was looking for. The whole time Nick was talking I sat there on the opposite end of the table listening with both ears, allowing him to say what he felt he needed to.

When Nick was done I looked at him and reminded him of some of the wonderful times we had together. I reminded him that we are both adults and we can choose to either end a one-year relationship with arguing and anger or we can choose to end things on good terms and finish a lovely last meal together.

Nick calm down after this and his tone of voice started to match mine. We didn’t talk for much longer but luckily I planned ahead and had some tiramisu wrapped up for him along with a small bin of all the things he kept at my house.

Before Nick left I gave him a big hug and told him that if he ever needed someone to show him how to change a tire I would be happy to send him a YouTube tutorial. Life Update: Over these last few days, I decided to treat myself and buy my neighbor's old 1978 Ford Ranger (Red).

The truck is an absolute hunk of junk and will probably take me over a year before it starts to looks somewhat recognizable. But I figured it would be more time and cost-effective for me to obsess over an old broken truck than it would be for me to fixate on broken men. I plan on staying single for a while and hope to take better care of not only myself but to also focus on my three German shepherds more.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Gwynasyn wrote:

That has to be the nicest breakup I've ever heard of. Cooked him an incredible meal and sent him packing after convincing him to leave with good memories and f--king tiramisu!

SmartQuokka wrote:

"After I met Nick‘s parents me and his father really bonded over our love for cars and our love for fixing them, Every time I would go over to Nick‘s parents house me and his father would inevitably end up in the garage tinkering."

Nick has always been insecure about how quickly me and his father developed a relationship, Nick obviously is not very mechanically inclined and has never shown any interest in cars. The relationship I have with Nick‘s father has been a source spot in our relationship for a long time and I think is why Nick lashed out the other day.

I find this strange, if my partner had amazing skills I would be very proud of them and very happy that they would help me out if i needed them.

Cumminginthenile wrote:

If you dont want to be left by the side of the road, don't argue with someone who knows more than you about the current situation and is your only way home.

"Since purchasing the vehicle he has never had an oil change nor does he do any kind of regular maintenance."

That right there would be grounds for a break up from me, how on earth can you be that incompetent?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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