'AITA for leaving my elderly parents to struggle after they acted entitled to my wife?'

"AITA for leaving my elderly parents to struggle?"

My wife and I moved in to help my parents financially because they struggled with bills on their retirement income. My wife hated it; it was a downgrade from our lifestyle and a significant downgrade from what she was used to. We rented out our home, so we had income from that. My mom continued to be difficult complaining about how my wife eats too extravagantly.

Even though my wife was buying the groceries. We started to go out of town for weekends, because we needed a break. For some reason, my mom started taking up the only shower when she knew my wife had to leave for work. On multiple occasions, this caused my wife to be late for work.

My dad doesn't do much because he has his own old-fashioned views on cooking and cleaning and they both chose to hate on my wife for her working in a career. Finally, my wife got sick of fighting with them over a shower and rented a small studio near her work. I started staying there more often and I enjoy the peace away from parents.

I told my parents I’m done supporting them and the house after a crazy high electricity bill when my mom will forget to close windows during the day but blast the AC. I decided it’s time for me to join my wife in the studio. My parents don't know how they can afford bills, food, and things like insurance and taxes. I told them maybe they need to down size or sell the home.

They said they would if we let them have the home we are renting and I explained that on top of rent for the studio that home still has a mortgage. Mom came after my wife saying she needs to downgrade her lifestyle but I told my parents I think you guys should try that because I will no longer be giving them ANY money and they have to manage themselves.

My dad asked what was he supposed to do and I told him seasonal holiday hiring is coming up and they need get part time jobs if they can’t make ends meet. My parents act like I’m evil for suggesting this but it's really their only option to keep the lights on and food on the table.

The commenters had lots to say in response.

Botany_ wrote:

NTA for wanting to cut support to your parents, but kinda an AH to your wife. I get that there’s a feeling that they’re your parents, you want to do what you can to support them, but they’re (specifically your mother) seems to be taking things for granted and lashing out on your wife for having a life.

I think you should be putting your wife first over your parents right now, because it sounds like your wife had to sacrifice more than you have.

snarkness_monster wrote:

NTA. This is a case of FAFO.

"My mom continued to be difficult complaining about how my wife eats too extravagantly."

Your wife can eat whatever she wants because she's paying for the food with her career that they hate so much.

"Mom started taking up the only showed when she knew my wife had to leave for work."

Mom wins the ability to take a shower whenever she wants. Play stupid game, win stupid prizes.

"Mom came after my wife saying she needs to downgrade her lifestyle."

No, mam!

"My dad asked what was he supposed to do."

Get a job. Your parents were ungrateful and rude and this is what they get. Girl, bye.

Sad-Currency3235 wrote:

You tried to help your parents by making a HUGE adjustment in your life when you moved in with them. They made that impossible by taking you for granted and being incredibly disrespectful to your wife. They should have been thankful and accommodating, and they clearly went our of their way not to be. They have made their bed, it is time to lay in it. NTA.

Stormandsunshine wrote:

"Son, you and your wife need to downgrade your lifestyle and give us the money instead, so that we don't have to downgrade our lifestyle." Also: instead of being humble and grateful for the sacrifices you actually did to help them, they chose to shit all over the both of you but still expect you to keep giving them money. NTA. They need to solve their own situation.

anitarielleliphe wrote:

Parents should strive to be self-sufficient and not have the expectations that children take care of them physically, emotionally and financially when they are in old-age. Your parents, apparently, do not share that mindset.

While I do not think you should feel guilty for speaking the truth to your parents and giving them sound, logical options, it may ease the burden of what you are feeling to set them up with a financial planner that you trust that can do a full-scale analysis of their assets.

Any income they will derive in retirement such as social security, and create a picture of what their financial future will look like, with the changes you suggest and without.

They are, indeed, living outside of their means, but someone that is good with money, can show them exactly what decisions and investments they can make to change that. If you go this route, just attend those meetings with them, so that you have all of the information if they decide to disregard advice.

Cute_Beat7013 wrote:

ESH – except your wife. Your parents are bigger AHS, but you should have had your wife’s back a lot sooner. As in, as soon as your parents started making unwelcome comments. Give up the studio at the end of your tenants’ lease, move back into your house, and live within your means.

Don’t make your wife work hard to live in a studio with you while supporting your choosy beggar parents, at least not if you’re hoping the marriage will last.