'AITA for leaving my friend's bachelorette party after she spiked my drink?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for leaving my friend's bachelorette party?"

I have been sober for 1 year, after using substances for 6 years. Getting sober has truly changed my life. I rarely talk about my sobriety to others since I don't want to be annoying and because it is no one's business. The only time I talk about it is when it is relevant. My friends is getting married in September, and I'm a bridesmaid.

This weekend she had her bachelorette party (it was a bachelorette party weekend). She had gotten an airbnb for us. I was also the only one with a drivers licence and car (relevant). She knew me while I was a dr-nk, she saw me recover and has (or I thought) never judged me, only supported me. I don't mind if people around me drink or do dr-gs, it is their life their choice.

I didn't know anyone at her party, but I still had fun on the first day. While everyone was getting wasted on Friday, I was just drinking my coca cola. We were dancing, listening to music and playing a drinking game. It was while we were playing the game, that people tried to give me shots and asking why I wasn't drinking.

I just told them that I didn't feel like drinking tonight, and blamed it on that I had a long traveling day. The next day, during brunch people were drinking mimosas. I was just drinking orange juice and again I was asked why I am not drinking. I knew I would get asked this, and I had talked to my friend before this weekend.

I decided this would be the perfect time to mention that I am sober and I don't drink. Some people asked me why, I didn't want to go into the details of it (since I didn't want to ruin the mood) so I said it is because of health reasons. Later that evening, I was drinking some soda and went to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I took a sip of my drink and they had put vodka in my soda.

I spit it back out, and asked who put vodka in my drink. I was upset about this, but I wasn't crying or causing a scene. I just thought maybe someone didn't know that this was my drink. One of my friends friend said that she did and it was an accident. I didn't get mad because accidents happen. However, there was a little voice in my head telling me it was intentional.

I shortly went outside to smoke a cigarette and to call my bf. I had walked behind the house, and my friend and two others came outside to also smoke. I guess they didn't see me, since they talked about what had happened. My friend said she thought it was lame that I came, and that she misses the old me. That she hoped this spike would make me relapse.

I was listening in shock, I thought I knew this girl. For I am one of her bridesmaids, I have known her for 8 years. I walked to the front of the house, looked at them and went inside. They all looked shocked since they didn't know I was listening. I packed my things and drove off, I didn't say a single thing to them before I left but they saw me leave.

I decided not to block her on social media so that she can have a chance to explain herself and say sorry. Instead I got a long message saying how selfish I was, making the whole weekend about me and that I am an AH for abandoning them, since I was the one that drove everyone there. So am I the AH for leaving my friends bachelorette party?

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

EDIT: Thank you all for the responses. I am obviously not going to be friends with someone like her or participate in her wedding. She has been talking shit about me to our friends, and I have been receiving a lot of sh-ty messages from them. She told people that I didn't like them drinking and was trying to ruin the night and that I just abandoned them.

Keep in mind, they could very easily get from that place with public transport or taxi. Me driving them was me being nice to them. I have debated about messaging her fiancé and tell him some stuff about her. He is also sober himself (not due to substance issues but due to health), I don't think he would like what she did to me.

Also they had agreed on not having any strippers, which she did have. And when we were out, she was flirting with other people. I think that is one of the reasons why I think she did it, since I said something about it. Maybe I shouldn't have interfered but in my eyes she seemed wasted, and I didn't want her to do something that she would regret.

Still wondering why she misses the old drunk me? I was a s-t person when I was drunk. Also the only reason why I told people I don't drink was because people typically don't accept it when you say that you don't like alcohol etc. The reason why I haven't blocked her yet is because in my experience, it gets under peoples skin more to not be blocked.

She has messaged me more since I left, but I can't be asked to read her bulls-t. Also I will be making a post on my social media if she doesn't stop spreading lies about me. Getting sober saved my life. I am forever grateful and happy that I chose sobriety. I have also upped my therapy sessions just in case this makes me spiral.

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

kyriebelle wrote:

This person is NOT YOUR FRIEND!! Anyone who would deliberately try to jeopardize your sobriety like that because they thought you were being “lame” is not someone you should be around.

MaryAnne0601 wrote:

NTA. No one should have to die to make someone else comfortable. It is really that simple. I’ve had many family members and friends that struggled with addictions of different kinds. By choosing sobriety you have chosen to live. Addictions can kill. It’s never a pleasant death.

Your former friend didn’t care about you or your life. The fact that she needs everyone around her to be under the influence says volumes. You got rid of the chemical toxicity in your life, time to get rid of the toxic humans.

OP responded:

Sobriety is awesome but hard.

Hungry_Godzilla wrote:

That's not your friend. A true friend will not expose you to that situation to begin with, let alone spiking your drink.

hiketheworld2 wrote:

I’m so sorry that you even need to question this. You are amazing. Congratulations on your sobriety and making a choice the is good for you.

The next day OP shared an update.

I made a post 4 days ago about how I left my "friends" bachelorette party after they put alcohol in my drink even though I am sober. I thought I would update anyone who is curious on what happened, lets say it was a very eventful 24 hours. I needed to take a few more days to digest and reflect on everything that happened, I also wanted to talk to my therapist first to see what she thought I should do.

We decided on that I should message the fiancé, since if I was him I would want to know same as I would either way have told him about the cheating. I do not condone cheating, and turns out it wasn't the first time she did that.

Here is what I wrote:

"Hi Paul (fake name), I know this might be weird since I'm sure by now you know that I left last weekend but I wanted to talk to you about it. As you know I have been sober for over 1 year now, and while we were at the bachelorette party Olga (fake name) put vodka in my drink. I didn't realise it until I took a sip of it. I had asked them who did it and Fiona (fake name) said she did it on accident.

When I went outside to smoke I overheard them saying it wasn't an accident and that they did it on purpose, my boyfriend heard the whole thing you can ask him if you don't believe me. I also wanted to let you know that there they did get strippers (and I attached photos of it) and that she was very friendly to some men we met at the club (again attaching photos of her touching the arm of a man at the club).

I wanted you to know because I don't find behaviour like that okay and I do not support it. I also wanted you to know that I will not be attending your wedding. I wish you the best." He saw the message and blocked me a few hours later.

I also decided on confronting her. I am the kind of person who prefers to do things face to face, me messaging her ex was something I did because I felt like it would be weird if I showed up to his place. However, I know where and when she works. I waited outside of her work (which I know is creepy but I know she would not want to do this conversation face to face).

I asked her if we could talk and she said yes. This was a 1 hour long conversation so I will summarize it. I told her how much it hurt me that she spiked my drink on purpose and that I could go to the police with this. I said it was childish of her going to our mutuals spreading lies about me. I told her that she is a coward for not admitting to what she did.

And lastly, I told her I did not have any interest being her friend anymore and I will not be attending her wedding. She was very quiet during the conversation, she listened to everything I had to say. She said she was sorry, she felt like ever since I got sober I was boring because all I talk about it sobriety (which I don't do). That me telling her friends I am sober took the attention away from her.

That I shouldn't have done that ( I told her before we went that I would tell people that I am sober for health reasons if it were to come up). I told her that she has every right to feel this way, but it doesn't justify what she did to me. I ended the conversation with that I wish her the best, and I hope she gets the help that she needs. And I left. After this I sent the message to her ex.

I found out that her fiancé did end the relationship and that this isn't the first time she has done something like this. Turns out that she has several times poured alcohol into her fiancé’s drinks (always saying it was an accident) and that she has cheated before.

She did bombard me with messages saying how horrible I am, how selfish I am, that I would end my life blah blah blah. I blocked her and she is out of my life now. I am okay and I had another therapy session today just in case this triggered me. Thank you to all the people who commented on my last post with advice. Idk why I thought I was The AH.

The comments kept coming.

Jenorama_CA wrote:

Jeez, how bad are her friends if the appearance of a single sober person takes attention away from her? I don’t drink, all of my friends know this and it’s never ever been a big deal. Who even cares? You’re well rid of this person. Get on with yourself being awesome.

Katarina12312 wrote:

Rare case of someone on here having a shining spine. You did everything right, she wasn't your friend and your life will be better without her in it. You should feel very proud of yourself with how you handle this.

OP responded:

Years of mistreatment made me realise that the only person who can protect me is me. I can't expect other people to do it, I just hope this makes her realise she needs help.

marblefree wrote:

JFC I am so outraged on your behalf. What a self centered horrible person. She thought that ruining your life was justified because you took the attention away from her for 5 minutes? I am so thankful she's out of your life.

I would consider having an attorney draft a cease and desist letter to her and threaten to sue her for libel if she doesn't shut her mouth (but in legalese). Also, get some ring/doorbell cameras as you know her and her drunk friends will probably try and harass you. You're a rockstar and so strong!

RealisticScorpio wrote:

I love how you handled it all. She is clearly a very selfish person. She'll be miserable her entire life until she changes herself.

When someone tells me they're sober, for literally anything, I say a genuine Good job!

That is hard, regardless. Anybody who tries to knock them off their sobriety stool instead of helping them to balance, need to be kicked to the curb ASAP. Fuck people like that, for real. Good job on getting sober! I'm super proud of you! I'm so happy that you held strong! Keep on keepin on! 💪💪👏👏👏

OP responded:

Sobriety is hard, but sooooo worth it.

BasedWang wrote:

What a terrible person she is.

OP responded:

I think she is a person who needs help. I really hope she gets it one day. She used to be such a good friend.

MapleTheUnicorn wrote:

You did right to get rid of awful people like her. Anyone who prefers the alcoholic version is a freak and sick and I congratulate you on your sobriety. Keep it up and may you have a long and happy life.