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'AITA for leaving my friends’ wedding early and ruining the vibe?' MAJOR UPDATE

'AITA for leaving my friends’ wedding early and ruining the vibe?' MAJOR UPDATE

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"AITA for leaving my friends’ wedding early and ruining the vibe?"

For context, I (F19) met my friend Ella (F23) at university last summer. We clicked right away - we found out we grew up in the same area so we had loads in common. A couple of months later, her boyfriend proposed, and I was invited to the wedding. I wore a gold necklace with my grandfather’s name on it in Greek.

It has an encrusted diamond and was a gift when I was a kid. I was very close to him and lost him when I was 16. I wear it every day. At the venue Ella’s sister recognised me and took me to where Ella was getting ready. After chatting w her for a bit, I went to say hi to everyone else. A few people complimented my necklace and I noticed Ella staring at me strangely.

I thought she was joking so I asked what was wrong and she said if I wore the necklace, it would take attention away from her beauty. I took it off and apologised. Later Ella came up to me and asked if she could wear the necklace saying the other girls liked it. I was hesitant but agreed since it was her wedding. I told her to be careful with it since it was from my grandfather and everything else.

Now that I think about it this was a horrible idea and I’ve always had trouble saying no and drawing lines in fear of offending people but it was her wedding and I really did not feel like upsetting her or anything. Not even 10 minutes later, I heard loads of commotion from where she was getting ready and went to go check what was going on.

Ella had in her hands my necklace, which had broken. The name part was snapped in half. I was in shock and asked her what happened. She said it broke while she was trying to put it on. I tried not to cry but couldn’t hold it in. Ella told me to suck it up and promised to get it fixed after the wedding. I told her not to worry, took the broken necklace, left the wedding early.

I felt bad but the way she spoke to me just made me feel so sick and horrible inside. She knew how much it meant to me but it felt like she didn’t care. I called my boyfriend and he picked me up. He said I wasn’t overreacting and should have drawn the line when she first asked to wear it but I felt super guilty and caved.

The next day I texted her to explain why I left saying I was upset because it meant a lot to me because he meant a lot to me and that I was sorry. She told me to “f--k off” because I ruined her wedding day and I had ruined the vibe between the girls. I haven’t replied because I don’t know what to say. I feel bad but also feel like I shouldn’t. I don’t know. AITA?

Internet commenters were thoroughly invested in the situation.

Equal-Brilliant2640 wrote:

She is not your friend. She is a malicious jealous cow. Find a jeweller to fix it. Send her parents the bill with a note explaining that she broke it on purpose at her wedding and promised to pay for the repairs and you didn’t want to bother her on her honeymoon And for the record, your friendship is over. So go scorched earth.

Life-Tacklet4777 wrote:

She broke on it purpose. There’s no way a simple necklace is going to take away from a whole wedding. Her problem was you got a compliment. She’s a self-obsessed psycho that you need to ditch. Look back at your friendship. Did she seem to need things from you often? She’s psycho.

Lost_Cantaloupe2545 wrote:

No you’re NTA. She broke someone so meaningful to you. I would just walk away from her and the friendship especially when she said to you- f--k off. She the one in the wrong here not you.

Either_Management813 wrote:

You must have amazing superpowers in the bride’s mind that your leaving ruined her entire wedding. People were there just to see you…

And what is this with your jewelry taking attention away from her?

Unless you were wearing a full parure with a tiara as well as all the other pieces she’s being ridiculous. What really happened is that people called her out in her BS and she wants a scapegoat. I’m beginning to think BrideBrain should be a new classification of mental illness. NTA.

The next day, OP jumped on with an update.

Hi guys, just wanted to give you all an update with what’s been going on. Thank you all so much for your feedback - I do realise that I need to grow a backbone and start learning how to say no. It would’ve saved me from this whole situation but I’m glad it happened because now I know.

I took the necklace to a jeweller in the city and they said that they couldn’t fix it because of the type of gold it’s made of - it’s a bit too delicate for these kinds of repairs. He said that sometimes it’s just the way the gold reacts so there really wasn’t much he could do but I did get in touch with my uncle who lives in Greece and knows a jeweller who makes similar necklaces.

He’s going to see if they can help, so I’m really hoping we can get it fixed somehow! I’m still waiting to hear from him so fingers crossed! As for Ella, I decided to message her one last time.

This is what I said: “Hi Ella, I just want to be clear about something. I really did not feel comfortable about the way you treated me or my belongings. It meant a lot to me and the way you handled it was not okay. I’m done with this friendship and I don’t think it’s something I want to continue with. I’m going to get the necklace fixed and I’ll be sending you the bill.

You need to pay for it, you have 30 days before I’ll need to take further action. Let me know once you’ve sorted it out. This is really not how I wanted our relationship to end but I am worth a lot more than this. I hope you can understand.” It took a lot of encouragement from my boyfriend and friends to be this firm with her😭

I’m really not that assertive but I will be looking into assertiveness training because I really do need to learn how to set boundaries and stick to them. Ella has read the message but not responded, so I’m not sure what’s going on there but I’m trying not to be too worried about it. Thank you all again and I will keep you updated in case she replies and what my uncle says.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts about the update.

Fickle_Toe1724 wrote:

I am so sorry she treated you that way. I get the feeling the necklace was intentionally broken to keep it from drawing any attention.

She is the one who "ruined the vibe" at her own wedding by being petty.

Send her the bills for shipping and repairs. If it can not be repaired, she can pay to replace it with a custom duplicate. And you keep both. You do need to practice saying no. You may feel bad the first few times, but it gets easier. Just remember what happened this time when you did not say no. Be good to yourself.

glycophosphate wrote:

You are making good first steps in becoming more assertive. I hope that you continue and that it improves your life. I would not, however, hold out much hope that you will ever see a dime from Ella. She is already thoroughly engaged in telling herself (and everyone around her who will listen) a story in which she is the v-ctim.

That's not going to change. Everybody tells themselves whatever story they need to tell themselves in order to guard their own ego. It's not about the money. I'm glad that you've found somebody who can repair your necklace.

MermaidSusi wrote:

Excellent response! I am praying that your necklace can be repaired or a new one can be made in Greece! You deserve to be treated with respect and someone breaking a valuable sentimental necklace was rude, mean and disrespectful! I am so glad you are standing up for yourself! Congratulations and stay strong! YOU ROCK! 👍

DaDuchess-1025 wrote:

All I could say when I read your text. YEAH!! OP you must feel amazing! I’m so proud of you. Wondering…if it can’t be fixed maybe you can send the gold to your uncle and the jeweler can use it in the new design, that way it’s you and grandpa together? I don’t know the logistics but thought I’d drop the idea.

Zef-Davenport wrote:

I'm so glad you decided to be assertive. Yes, it's hard because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but sometimes you need to say 'no' to avoid hurting everyone's feelings.

I also used to be like this, wanting to make sure everyone is okay, until I realized I also deserve to be okay, and started being more assertive. I hope you get your necklace repaired, and make sure Ella pays for it. That's one heck of a wedding present she'll never forget ;)

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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