'AITA for 'letting' my sister go thirsty through an entire meal? She wouldn't order for herself.'

"AITA for 'letting' my sister go thirsty through an entire meal?"

My sister does this thing where she'll just say something she wants with the expectation that someone will do it for her.

For example, if she wants the AC turned on, instead of asking someone to turn it on for her, she'll keep repeating things like "Oh, isn't it super warm in here?", "Does anyone else feel really hot?" or "I heard that today is a super hot day!" and if someone asks her if she wants the AC on, she'll reply with "No, no, I'm good! But if you're hot then you should turn it on!"

Anyways, last weekend it was my birthday so my family and I went out to celebrate. During the meal, she kept making comments implying that she wanted another cocktail, but wouldn't order it. The waitress even came by and asked if we needed anything, but she didn't order a drink even when we all did. I could tell she was agitated at that point, but it was my birthday so I just ignored her.

When we all got home, she got really snippy and said that it was super rude that we all got our own drinks and didn't order one for her. My brother and I brought up that she said no when the waitress asked, but she said that wasn't the issue. In her opinion, we should've known to order her a drink too because everyone else got one, and the fact that we "let" her go thirsty was inconsiderate.

And that in the future we ought to order her drinks too. She also said that she was only saying "no" to the waitress because her family should've "taken care of her" (her words, not mine).

The three of us have been kind of arguing back and forth about it, and I'm just tired of fighting, so I wanted to get some more opinions on whether or not I should've ordered her a drink as well.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

elbowpit wrote:

My mother does this. It’s annoying. She’ll get in the car and ask “Do you want coffee Elbowpit?” I’ll say “No. But we can stop at Java Jacks on our way if you want. Not a problem!”

She’ll say, “No. not if nobody wants any.”

I used to just do whatever she implied she wanted, but I eventually got annoyed with it and stopped accommodating the passivity. Now she thinks I don’t care about her, but she’s too passive to announce it.

Spare_Ad5000 wrote:

NTA. Tell her to go to assertiveness training. Tell her to practice being independent. Tell her people can't read her mind and people don't want to read her mind: that's what her mouth is for.

Laines_Ecosaisses wrote:

NTA. Sounds like she is old enough to drink, otherwise I would have thought she was 8 y.o with this silly behavior.

Hope she's in therapy, she's got issues.

Princess_Elonwy wrote:

NTA I think it would actually be considered rude to order someone another cocktail after they specifically told the waitress no. If I say I'm not drinking anymore but someone orders me another drink anyway I would be annoyed that they decided they knew better about my alcohol consumption than I did.

No-Potential7242 wrote:

NTA. The great thing about this situation is that you don't need to argue. Either she will learn to be responsible for her own needs and voice them or she won't. If she doesn't, it's not your problem. You're not her mother. She is not five. It is not your fault when she is thirsty unless you're blocking her access to whatever she wants to drink.

maaingans wrote:

I recall learning that there is an “ask vs offer culture”. Typically this is learned and associated with areas (for example i notice this more commonly in certain areas of the Deep South and in parts of the Midwest vs the East coast) but i notice it also appears in people who feel like they don’t deserve to directly ask but if help is offered, it was the offerer’s choice. My mother is this way.

Instead of asking “could you get the box down from there for me, please?” She will make comments like “that box is so high up i just can’t reach it.” I brought it up to her and she pondered and admitted she didn’t feel confident enough or worthy enough to ask directly.

I explained that she is worthy, and sometimes fishing for an offer can come off as passive aggressive and rude to others. She said she was sport of taught to do that but wasn’t fully sure when she developed the habit. Your sister sends to have an aspect of entitlement to her though.

CrimsonKnight_004 wrote:

NTA - My goodness. I have social anxiety and I’m not even this exhausting. It took a lot for me to be able to order for myself, but I knew it was an important skill to have, so I developed it in spite of how anxious I am. It doesn’t even sound like your sister is doing this out of anxiety, though, especially if she does the same thing at home for the AC.

Her behavior is entitled and honestly sounds like it’s bordering on weaponized incompetence. She’s throwing a hissy fit and blaming everyone for what was quite literally her choice. She told the waitress no! If she wanted a drink, she’s a big girl and should’ve just said yes!

lafsngigs wrote:

NTA. My husband had that habit as well and that got nipped right away. I’ve told him to use his big boy words and be upfront bc I ignore back door requests. Tell her she’s not a princess and if she wants something she best ask for it directly bc you aren’t her fairy godmother or tinkerbelle.