'AITA for making my BF’s mom cry because of a 'petty' rule? I thought it was normal.'
"AITA for making my BF’s mom cry because of a 'petty' rule?"
So me (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for almost 2 years and live together. His mom is very involved in his life (some might say overbearing, but I try to be respectful). She’s nice but has this way of like, pushing boundaries while acting like she means well.
So the issue: I have a “no shoes in the house” rule. My BF is cool with it, all my friends do it no problem. But his mom refuses. She claims it’s “rude to ask guests to take their shoes off” and that it makes her feel “disrespected.” I’ve tried explaining that it’s just a cleanliness thing but she won’t budge.
Last weekend she came over and, surprise surprise, walked in with her shoes on. I very politely (I swear) said, “oh, can you take them off please?” She kinda huffs and is like, “You’re really gonna make me do this?” And I just stood there waiting. She sighs dramatically, takes them off, and spends the whole visit sulking.
Then later I get a TEXT from my bf’s dad saying I made her cry and she feels like I’m “trying to assert dominance” over her in her son’s home. (Our home, actually.) My bf is on my side but now his parents are acting like I’ve disrespected the Queen of England. AITA for standing my ground on a very normal rule???
Internet strangers had a lot of questions.
RickRusselTX wrote:
INFO: Do you offer your guests slippers?
OP responded:
It’s something we admittedly haven’t really thought about before this debacle, I’m certainly happy to though. I can picture her playing along with wearing house slippers once or twice then suddenly keep “forgetting” when I’m not around though.
ImpressiveBig7730 wrote:
NTA. If your husband is aligned, how’s he handling the situation? I’d expect him to call them and shut it down. The dad shouldn’t be attacking you and your husband should be standing up for you. It sounds like he agrees, but what’s he doing to solve the issue.
OP responded:
He’s pretty nonchalant about it, understands she’s over bearing and rude but annoyingly doesn’t share my frustration with her attitude.
Sea_Auntie7599 wrote:
NTA but your bf needs to stands up to his mom. The only reason she is doing it is because she knows her son won't do confront her to her face and have an actual adult conversation 1. It's her baby-- the son 2. She don't see him and a man, an adult.
3. She still wants to be momma boy (Google up the psychological affects momma boys have and being mother dependent relationship ) 4. She has no respect for you because you are taking her son away. When in reality your very presence makes his world more meaningful and colorful.. He needs to set up and stand firm on boundaries with this mom.
PlantManMD wrote:
In some countries, hosts provide nice wool slippers for guests, both men and women, to change into. I have neuropathy in my feet and really need something on my feet to walk comfortably. Maybe consider buying a pair of Turkish wool slides for her.
apothekryptic wrote:
Canadian, here. Shoes off in the house, period. We don't wear outside shoes inside of our homes. I have house slippers that I love that are only worn indoors. Kids go to school and change into their "indoor shoes" when they come in from the playground. If someone walked into my house with their shoes on, my response would probably be "What the f--k?", because that would be very rude.
Now to your real problem, and it's not your 'normal' or your rule. It's that your MIL is crying over being asked to take her shoes off, FIL is defending her, and BF is enabling her. This dynamic isn't going to be unique to shoes. Guaranteed it will be a pattern of behavior. Don't put up with it from any of them. NTA.
MsMarkarth wrote:
NTA. But you've got a boyfriend problem not an "in-law" problem. Under no circumstances should either of these people be treating you the way they are, and your boyfriend needs to make that exceptionally clear to them. Otherwise you're in for "well this is how my wedding was" and "this is how I raised my kids" until she gets her son back from you.
shontsu wrote:
I've never been a "shoes off in the house" guy, but if I visit someone and that's their thing, then I follow suit. Its not exactly hard to take your shoes off as a sign of respect for whoever you've chosen to visit.
"Then later I get a TEXT from my bf’s dad saying I made her cry and she feels like I’m “trying to assert dominance” over her in her son’s home."
I don't know if its worth getting into with BFs Dad, but I'm pretty sure someones trying to assert dominance, but its not you. Its the only logical reason I can think of for his wife's behaviour. She wants BF to choose her side over yours. NTA.
MelodyRaine wrote:
NTA. "Dad, enough with this nonsense. This is a basic rule of hygiene and cleanliness. OP and I agree that we do not want people tracking dirt, mud, and germs from the streets through our home. Literally everyone else in our lives accepts this reasonable and fairly common boundary."
"If your wife is incapable of doing so without crying her eyes out, I suggest you seek professional advice. In the meantime, since mom is incapable of acting with common courtesy and manners without resorting to pouting and tears, her invitation into my home is revoked until she can get control of herself."
"The only one trying to assert dominance here is your wife, and since outright stubbornness didn't do the trick, she thinks sending you as a tear-fueled missile might. It won't. You're smarter than that, but tell you what, just in case I'm wrong in thinking that, you can take the next few weeks to stop and think about how you and your wife just tried to take control of your adult son's home."
"I'll contact you once I've decided what if any relationship we can have given that you seem to think any of mom, or your, recent nonsense in any way resembles acceptable behavior."