'AITA for making my son (16) pay for his own room in our overcrowded house?'

"AITA for making my son (16) pay for his own room?"

I'm a single mom of 5 (16M, 14M, 10M, 9F, 7M) renting a 3-bedroom house.

Up until 2 months ago the 2 eldest boys shared a room, the 3 youngest shared, and I had the smallest room.

For the last few years my eldest complained non-stop about having to share a room with his little brother. Most of his friends’ parents are wealthy so he's constantly comparing our situation to theirs. He started working when he was 14 (a few hours a week) for a little extra money, now at 16 he works a lot (more than I would like) and this summer he has been working basically fill-time.

He's not too bad with his money and actually saves some of it, but the rest goes to video games, clothes/shoes, and junk food. Two months ago, my son and I were discussing his distaste for sharing a room with his brother and he said he'd drop out of school now if it meant he could move out into his own space. I told him I had looked at 4-bedroom rentals in our area, but they were just too expensive.

He asked if he could pay the difference if we did move. I told him no because during the school year all his money would be going to rent not his savings and his spending money. That obviously wouldn't sit right with me. However, we did come up with a compromise.

For $50 a month he could have my bedroom and my 10-year-old could move in with 14-year-old and I would sleep in our living room (our couch is already a pull-out). This was 2 months ago, and we already made the switch, and everybody is happy with the new set up. All the money my son is paying me is going straight into my Christmas savings and then after Christmas will go into a summer trip savings.

I recently told some of my friends what I was doing and they're against it. They think I'm wrong for taking any amount of money from my kids and a couple of them said I should have just given him the room without making him pay for it. They make some good points, and I don't totally disagree, and it makes me feel like an AH.

My 14-year-old son is also unhappy about the arrangement, he thinks its unfair older brother is getting his own room and that middle brother should have stayed in his old room.

I can see how he feels it's unfair that older brother has the chance to pay for his own room when he (or the other kids) don’t have the same opportunity. It seems bad to renege with my oldest now, but I'm not sure if I made a mistake agreeing to this. AITA?

The internet was quick to comment.

Boring_Ghoul_451 wrote:

There is a wild difference between charging your underage kids rent, and accepting $50 a month (that is going back to the kids) so a growing teenager can have privacy. No other children are getting less, and no one is ab-sed by any means. Not exactly an ideal solution, but tricky problems require unconventional solutions. NTA.

410 writer wrote:

Your eldest wanted his own space, and you found a solution that works for everyone without breaking the bank. He gets privacy, you get some help with expenses, and everyone else adjusts. Sounds like a win-win, right? But the fact that your 14-year-old is feeling left out? Yeah, that’s the fly in the ointment.

Making your son pay a small amount for the room isn’t the issue—it teaches him responsibility, budgeting, and that nothing in life is free. But the fairness aspect with the other kids needs to be addressed. Maybe it’s time for a family pow-wow to discuss how this arrangement works and why it was made.

It might not make everyone happy, but at least they’ll understand the reasoning. NAH. You’re trying to make the best out of a tough situation. Just keep the communication open with all your kids, so no one feels like they’re getting the short end of the stick—or the short end of the couch, in your case.

virghoe33 wrote:

Ehhh kinda YTA in my opinion. Mostly because you’re saving his money for “summer trips.” Babe put that in a savings account for him so he can move out at 18 or 19 more easily. If you can’t afford a 4 bedroom for 6 people I think trips have to be off the table for now. I don’t think it’s the worst idea to have him pay the $50 but be prepared for your 14 year old to want the same deal in the near future.

Also, what happens when 9F gets a little older and really needs her own space away from brothers? Idk, even if 16M moves out as soon as he legally can, you’re still going to have a pissed off 14M who wants the deal his brother got and a preteen/teen girl going through puberty who should not be sharing a room with any of her brothers.

Obviously I don’t know your situation, but the best advice I can give is don’t go back on your deal, SAVE the $$ 16M gives you for when he turns 18, and really really work on getting that extra space for when your kids get a little bit older. Good luck.

wiggert wrote:

"I recently told some of my friends what I was doing and they're against it. They think I'm wrong for taking any amount of money from my kids and a couple of them said I should have just given him the room without making him pay for it. They make some good points, and I don't totally disagree, and it makes me feel like an AH."

Do your friends pay your bills? I think not, so they dont have a say in your home. Also, just dont overshare your personal life like that, your situation is not optimal but you guys are managing, not everyone has to compromise like a single mother of five. NTA.

5sosforever wrote:

YTA. But not for the reason you're asking, it is about your daughter. Why is SHE not the priority when it comes to having a separate bedroom or at least sharing with you? At 9, she is at an age where it may seem like she is okay sharing a room with her brothers but she probably isn't.

Girls are starting puberty and becoming self conscious of their bodies at that age. They shouldn't have to worry about sharing a bedroom with their brothers. Where is her privacy? What is you're solution when in six months or a year when she (rightfully so) starts demanding her own space and privacy?

There is no reason the oldest needs his own room in this case. And I would say the same thing if the genders were reversed. Maybe think about switching the room situation around to accommodate EVERYONE.

ComfortableOrder4266 wrote:

YTA. The fact he has to work for anything extra from such a young age is enough. He is already paying for his parents mistakes. He’s already losing precious hours when he could be instead studying, spending time with friends, extracurricular. This is impacting his life. I’d have a different verdict if the extra money was going into an account for him, but it isn’t.