"AITA for meddling in my husband’s family affairs?"
I (28F) have been married to my husband (28M) for 6 years and we have 2 kids (3F and 1M). Our kids are having a joint birthday party next weekend and we invited his whole family, including his grandma, who is at an assisted living place about 45 minutes away.
She lives fairly close (within 20 minutes) to multiple family members and is about 35 minutes away from my husband’s parents, and when we had given her the invite a couple months ago. She said she would love to come if someone could give her a ride (she can’t drive anymore). My husband told her of course someone would give her a ride.
The kids and I visited her today and she said she had almost forgotten about the party because nobody had been talking about it with her. Come to find out after talking with my MIL and asking if they could pick her up, it is “too inconvenient” for anyone around her to give her a ride and “it’s just about being invited” for her.
I normally don’t get involved with my husband’s family affairs, but I had a feeling that my husband would be pissed about it and that he wanted his grandma to be there, so I called his grandma and insisted on him picking her up the morning of and then driving her back after the party.
I didn’t tell her that nobody wanted to pick her up or anything like that, we just set a time for my husband to drive down and get her next weekend and I told her he was happy to drive her (which he is).
After that conversation, I guess his grandma called around to see if anyone living closer could give her a ride (all of the family members who didn’t want to). My MIL called me and basically was pissed that I had gotten involved and said I should have gone through her when making arrangements.
My husband says I did the right thing and he is happy that I took matters into my own hands to make sure that she is there, but I’m wondering if I overstepped because it’s not my family.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
next-firefighter4667 wrote:
Tf? You shouldn't HAVE to call your MIL. SHE should have been the one making the arrangements but she dropped the ball. She wants you to, what, remind her to include the elderly grandmother like a normal, decent fucking person? She's just mad that you did it because it reminds her of how she's fallen short.
Also, that IS your business. It's your children's party, it's your husband's grandmother. Aka, your business. MIL made sure it wasn't her business when she decided that ensuring your husband's grandmother was included was too much work. Genuinely, screw those people. I work with the elderly and it irks me to no end to see how forgotten and mistreated some of them are.
They spent years making sacrifices for and supporting their kids, many of them even ensuring their kids had the ability to do the same for their own children, just to be treated like a burden in their last years. As someone who didn't get to have much to do with either of my Grandmas and Grandpas, these people have no idea what they're taking for granted.
Loose-zebra435 wrote:
NTA. You have a responsibility to support your kids' family connections and to be a good person. You're part of the family and part of being family is including people. It's terribly sad that none of them value this woman. She's not happy to be invited to a fun family celebration and then be excluded. Good thing you're there and able to support her. Hope these people aren't always like this.
monkerry wrote:
It IS your family. Something else is going on. This seems like a family " situation " or dynamic you haven't been brought into the loop on. Guessing by husband's reaction, he and grandma have a good relationship. I'd love to know what everyone else's is to have the reactions they did.
Plus, how colse is close for them? I wonder if because of proximity, they are all being asked or involved in more with her than you're aware. Just watch from afar at the party at how everyone behaves. I bet it will be telling.
mobile_ingenuity_866 wrote:
It's your party, and you and your husband are taking care of it. Everyone else can just butt off. They didn't want to do it, now they are trying to control what you do too? Yes, it makes them look bad, they didn't care enough to bring her (which I understand unless she is some problematic woman). You took care of business. Just enjoy the celebration.
Purplepeopletreater wrote:
NTA. You are married, so grandma is your family too.
How dare your MIL get angry with you for trying to actually include someone you invited and wanted there. Nacho party, nacho business. Tell MIL to eat it. Kindness is not negotiable in YOUR family.
Fun-holiday9016 wrote:
This is not your husband's family, this is your family too. You did the right thing and I'm so glad your husband agrees. Enjoy this time with his grandmother, it won't last forever and if you're very lucky the kids will remember her. NTA in any way.
Ohmyweenies wrote:
NTA. Remember this. When it's your MIL's turn, you make sure to leave her in the nursing home. She'll just be happy to have been invited after all.
cinna-muscle wrote:
NTA. Honestly it sounds like you were just trying to make sure an elderly woman who wanted to be there for her great-grandkids actually got the chance. She said she would come if someone could give her a ride, your husband wanted her there, and nobody else was stepping up. You solved the problem in a simple way.
You also didn’t throw anyone under the bus or tell her that the rest of the family didn’t want to help. You just arranged a ride with her grandson, who is completely fine with doing it.
Your MIL being upset about “going through her” feels more like a control thing than an actual issue. At the end of the day it’s your kids’ party and your husband’s grandma. If your husband is happy with the decision, that’s what really matters. And I’m sure his grandma will be really happy to be included.