Man misses pregnant sister’s wedding due to wife’s illness; bride says 'I was naive to trust you.' AITA?
"AITA for missing my pregnant sister's wedding?"
Leading_Highlight_52
Hey, I (30M) just missed my pregnant sister's (38F) wedding ceremony.
But, let me start from the beginning.
Last week, my wife got really sick with a high fever, reaching 40°C/104°F. The doctor diagnosed her with possible pneumonia and prescribed antibiotics. The wedding was scheduled for Friday, and luckily, my wife's fever started to go down on Thursday after lasting six days.
I never saw my wife so sick. Unfortunately, during the week, my wife also infected her mother, and I ended up infecting a coworker on Thursday. I decided I couldn't attend the wedding, even alone, because I didn’t want to risk exposing my sister, especially since she's pregnant.
I informed my sister on Wednesday about the situation and told her we wouldn’t be able to attend. She lives abroad, so it wasn’t just a local trip. Her only response at the time was a curt, 'Wish you health.'
The day after the wedding, she sent me a long message. She said that I could have made it work if I truly wanted to, suggesting I could’ve attended the ceremony standing in the back and skipped the supper.
She also said my explanation felt dismissive and insincere. She added that after changing her last name, she felt 'cleansed' and no longer trusted me or my wife, claiming it was naive of her to trust us in the first place.
While I completely understand why she’s mad at me (I was supposed to take some pictures for her too), I don’t understand why she would disregard our concerns for her health and safety.
Pregnant women can’t take most medications, and she had struggled to conceive before this pregnancy, having tried twice without success. I felt it was irresponsible to risk infecting her, especially with something as serious as pneumonia.
To provide more context, my family has always struggled with relationships. My sister doesn’t talk to our father, and he wasn’t even told about the wedding. As for my relationship with her, she left our country years ago, and we’ve maintained moderate contact via WhatsApp.
When my wife and I had our wedding this summer, my sister attended but wasn’t drinking. She said she was on antibiotics, but in reality, she was pregnant. She didn’t want to tell me because she was afraid it might not work out again.
I later learned through third party about her past stillbirth, but I was hurt that she didn’t confide in me about it. Even when we visited her earlier this year, she didn’t mention her pregnancy.
She finally told me about it two months ago because she needed help gathering some documents for her wedding. She described the ceremony as a 'formality' and said she would organize a bigger celebration after the baby’s birth.
I thought I acted in good faith, but now my sister says otherwise.
Even if I hadn’t infected her, what if I got sick with pneumonia while abroad? AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
National_Pension_110
NTA, but it sounds like your relationship with your sister is just too tenuous for any kind of trouble. It was actually good that she didn’t share with everyone at your wedding that she was pregnant as that was supposed to be a day about you and your wife. But yes, she could have confided in you. She didn’t, which shows she didn’t trust you even then.
Hopefully, in time, you can mend this at least a little. I get that she was hurt, and yes, you could have worn a mask and sat in the back and left early, but your decision to stay home was equally valid. For her to disown you over it shows how fragile the relationship is. Good luck. Maybe with a baby’s arrival, there will be a chance to mend some fences. Good luck.
UsedKnee8955
Perfectly said! I just wanted to add to your comment that if OP had to travel by bus, plain, or train, he would have been putting so many people at risk. Even while driving you expose others every time you go into a gas station.
OP, I had RSV, as well as pneumonia, last November and not only did I miss getting the chance to say goodbye to my Grandfather before he passed away at hospital, but I missed his funeral too. He was 95. Besides his elderly friends, his older sister was going to be there.
I wasn't going to be the reason she didn't make it to 99. Pneumonia is one of the leading causes of death in the elderly and immunocompromised populations during cold and flu season. You did the right thing. NTA.
Cali-GirlSB
I'd respond, "Okay. Sorry you feel this way but what we had was very contagious (at least 4 people got it that we know of) and I'd never forgive myself if you'd gotten ill and you'd lost the baby, and that was my top concern. I love you, good luck with your marriage and your future." and done. NTA.
MerlinBiggs
NTA. It's not just her, it's also everyone else you would have come in contact with. You were right to not attend. Your sisters attitude makes no sense. Maybe it's hormones and she'll get over it. It's also ok she didn't tell you about her pregnancy. She wasn't ready for you to know.
Early_Fill6545
So taking an international flight while exposing others and potentially the wedding attendees and possibly being hospitalized in another country yeah NTA.
gordonf23
NTA. It's unfortunate that you couldn't go, but this was seriously something capable of causing serious illness (you said you'd never seen your wife so sick before) and you'd already infected a coworker, so you were obviously contagious as well. Travelling while sick and contagious could have infected tons of people, on the plane, at the wedding, etc.
Your sister sounds bitter and immature if she's incapable of understanding this, rather than seeing that you were doing the resonsible thing in a bad situation.