'AITA for moving out of my parents' place after they were charging me rent to raise my siblings?'
"AITA for moving out after my parents charged me rent, then finding out why they needed the money?"
BabydolllGirl writes:
I (23F) finally moved out of my parents’ house two months ago, and now my family is making me feel like I’ve ruined everything. For context: I lived with my parents all through college. They have three younger kids (10M, 8F, and 5F), and since I’m the oldest, I basically became the built-in babysitter.
I handled school drop-offs, pick-ups, meals, homework, and bedtime while my parents worked long hours. I didn’t complain much because I love my siblings, but it was exhausting. When I turned 21, my parents sat me down and said, “You’re an adult now, and adults pay rent.”
They started charging me $600 a month. I thought, fine, it’s still cheaper than moving out and I can help my family. But nothing changed about my role in the house. I was still raising their kids on top of paying rent.
Fast forward to graduation: I got an entry-level job and decided to move out with a friend. My parents acted like I betrayed them. My mom said I was “abandoning the family,” my dad called me “ungrateful,” and they told my siblings I “didn’t want to live with them anymore,” which devastated the kids.
Since moving, they blow up my phone asking me to babysit “just for a few hours,” which always turns into an entire night. When I say no, I get guilt-tripped with, “We can’t afford a sitter, but I guess your family isn’t important to you anymore.”
Here’s the kicker. Last week I was helping my little sister with her homework over FaceTime when she accidentally mentioned that “Mom and Dad bought a new hot tub with your rent money.”
At first, I thought she was confused. But then my cousin (who my mom bragged to) confirmed it. My parents had been saving my “rent” to buy luxury items. Apparently, the hot tub was “their reward” for all the sacrifices they’ve made raising kids.
So all this time, I was basically paying for them to treat themselves while I cooked, cleaned, and parented their kids. When I confronted my mom, she said, “It’s our house, our rules. If we wanted to save your rent for vacations, that’s our right. We don’t owe you an explanation.”
Then she told me I was “selfish” for even asking. Now my siblings cry on FaceTime because I don’t visit as much, my parents guilt-trip me daily, and my relatives say I “owe my family loyalty.” But honestly, I feel very used. AITA?
Here are the some of the responses to OP's parent issue.
CaptainSuave says:
NTA. Simple solution, charge them for the babysitting. Cash, up front.
OP responded:
Though about this, but they are kind of scary in arguments (not physical), but they yell and say, "We raised you and this is how you pay us back? You shouldn't come back here you won t be welcomed." Stuff like that. Honestly, I'm used to this, but I don t want my siblings to hear that....I am doing it more for them.
Summers_Alt says:
NTA. Remind them they bought a hot tub instead of childcare like responsible parents.
catladyclub says:
A child doesn't "owe" a parent anything. They chose to have children and are responsible for them. That is the choice they made. They parentified you. I would just stop answering calls and texts. I would not babysit for them any more.