'AITA for telling my sister my wife's baby shower is kid-free? Now she can't make it.'
"AITA for my sister not coming to my wife's baby shower?"
This will be my wife and I's first child. My sister has multiple children. My wife requested that the shower be kid-free, but husbands are invited. I could've gone either way, but if that's her preference, I'm happy to support it. It makes sense to me, as I had never heard of kids being invited to a baby shower.
When I told my sister about the baby shower, I hadn't gotten to the point where I told her it was kid free. Immediately she told me she'd be bringing two of her children. Also, one her kids has a competition so she wouldn't be able to stay the whole time. I told her, "So, we're going to have a babysitter that day which we'll pay for to watch any kids that people bring along."
I thought that was super generous. She responded by shouting with, "I don't want to do that!" It felt rude and inconsiderate. I dropped it and figured we'd revisit later. We saw her in person. She was being really snippy that day. She said, "So my time at the shower is going to be a little crunched.
Kid A has a competition in the morning and I want to catch part of it. Kid B has a swimming lesson at 4 PM." So, I'm already crunching the math, including distance, that it doesn't actually leave her any time to actually be at the baby shower. Then she starts grilling my wife. She goes, "When are you gonna stop making these kid-free events?" in a snarky tone.
Then she grilled her because her kids are always the exception, blah blah. She keeps eyeing me for support, but she was being so god damned rude to my pregnant wife. I just said, "Because it's a no kids event." I then walked away and my wife handled it diplomatically. My sister was pissed the rest of her time there but said nothing. In between, I had already discussed the situation with my wife.
If it were super important to my sister, we would consider it and probably say okay as long as she can guarantee that they won't be a distraction. However, we would only go about considering it if my sister asked nicely just once since every time it was mentioned it was rude and came out like a demand. I was hopeful that either agree to the sitter or ask nicely.
Then a few days back I got a text that amounted to, "It would be too upsetting for the kids to have to stay at home with a baby sitter while I go to the shower. So I talked it over with my husband and we won't be attending. Kid A also has a competition the following day too so we won't be able to come by on Sunday either. Sorry. I'll send a gift."
I was pretty hurt by this. I wrote her back and told her I was very disappointed with her prioritization and I don't feel like I am a priority to her. I haven't heard from her since.
She has a history of causing issues anytime something big is going on for me. Meanwhile, I am at anything of hers that matters, barring extreme circumstances. Never did I think suggesting a sitter would've caused this. I'm extremely disappointed. So, AITA for not allowing my sister's kids at the baby shower?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Apprehensive-Toe6933 wrote:
The family you made is priority over the one you come from. A no kid's shower is...weird….never not one time have I ever heard of a kid free shower but it’s your shower you do you. How she handled it could’ve been better but your response to her was sh#$ty too.
apples21212 wrote:
"She said, 'So my time at the shower is going to be a little crunched. Kid A has a competition in the morning and I want to catch part of it. Kid B has a swimming lesson at 4 PM.' So, I'm already crunching the math, including distance, that it doesn't actually leave her any time to actually be at the baby shower."
Why are you mad she cant come when she already told you she wouldn't have the time? And offering to pay for a sitter doesn't change the fact that its upsetting for her family. You cant set a child free rule and then be mad that people with children don't want to come. ESH.
hadesarrow3 wrote:
Whoooooa I was with you until you being “hurt” that she couldn’t make it. You’re disappointed at her “prioritization?!” Dude. She’s prioritizing her kids. It’s what you do. She’s made it very clear her kids have crap going on all weekend. It happens.
Part of making events kid free is accepting that people with kids won’t always be able to get there. I guess ESH because she sounds kind of entitled and like she might be skipping mainly to prove a point, but also, the reasons she was stressed about making the timing work sound VALID.
JohnRedcornMassage wrote:
ESH. She shouldn’t be rude and passive aggressive in her communication.
When you make an event kid free, you don’t have a right to be ‘hurt’ when people with kids can’t make it.
Keesouth wrote:
YTA, but not because you're having a kid free event but because you need to realize that if you don't want kids there, it's going to affect who can come. You have every right to have a kid free event, but they also have every right to decide that they would rather not attend.
Impossible_rain_4727 wrote:
ESH: You are an AH for your response. When you make an event kid-free you need to accept that some parents are going to be unable/unwilling to attend. She was an AH for trying to force you to accept her kids, but I don't think she is one for declining to attend because going alone would be logistically harder with the other stuff she needs to do that day.