My [26m] wife [25f] and I are newly married, and we have lived together for a year. We get along well, and I can count on one hand how many times we’ve actually argued about something consequential (obviously excluding joke arguments).
Now, ever since I graduated high school, I have been super into meal prep. Every three to four days, I’ll cook up several different dishes. My favorites are curries, stews, burrito kits, healthy McChickens, and the like. I also make a pretty mean jambalaya.
Last week, my wife came home after work talking about a restaurant she had discovered near her workplace. I asked how she had learned about it, and she said she and her co-workers went there for lunch.
This confused me, as I had sent her to work with a packed lunch, but I just figured she had left it in the fridge there. The next morning, though, I saw her take one of the containers out of the fridge.
I reminded her that she went out to lunch the previous day with her co-workers and therefore should still have lunch in her work fridge, but she nonchalantly responded, “Oh, I threw that out.”
I pressed her for details, where I learned several things. First, she goes out to lunch with her co-workers three or four times a week. Second, whenever she goes out with them, she just tosses the food I made into the trash. Third, she doesn’t seem to understand why throwing out what has amounted to hundreds (if not thousands…) of dollars of foods is bad.
So I asked her why she wouldn’t just bring the food home or eat it the next day. She said, “Nah, I don’t want to do that.” My feelings were honestly hurt, but she had to go so the conversation ended there.
That night, I tried to raise the issue again, but all I could get out of her was the same spiel about not wanting to bring the food back home and it not mattering all that much.
Well, the next day was a meal prep day, and I didn’t make any for her. I put my name on all the containers. The next morning, she opened the fridge looking for hers, and she asked where it was. I told her that she had a higher than 50% chance of just tossing it anyway, and that I wasn’t going to make lunch for her anymore.
She was furious with me. She insists that what she did was no big deal, and one day she even took one of the containers with my name on it. AITA for just cutting her off like this?
NTA. She is contributing to a HUGE amount of waste, and waste of time. It's actually baffling that she doesn't see how big of an AH she is.
I completely agree. The sheer amount of waste she's generating not just in resources but also in time is incredibly inconsiderate. It's honestly shocking that she can't recognize the impact of her actions on others and the environment. Her lack of awareness makes it hard to empathize with her perspective.
The more I read the story, the more I get mad at OP's wife. Cos lady why would you waste a perfectly fine food, waste OP's time and energy, waste money an say it's no big deal? This the type of people who go broke and find someone to blame forgetting they did stupid sh*t to get there.
NTA. It's ridiculous to throw away good food. I wouldn't cook for her anymore either.
NTA.
It's just a rude thing to do. She didn't even apologize.
NTA. Wasting money and disrespect for your time and effort. Maybe you could help her make a frozen meal for herself.
NTA. Insane to me that she throws out good food. At least give it to someone else, a co-worker, a homeless person, anything but wasting your food, time, and effort. And the fact that she couldn’t see how you would be hurt by that is such a red flag.
I think you need to talk to her when you’re able to be calm and explain WHY it’s a big deal to you, why you were hurt, etc. This is a learning opportunity for her and she better take it!
NTA. Don’t cave on this. She has no respect for your hard work. No respect for costs.
Like another comment. You are not meal prepping for the trash anymore.
WifeCantWontDontCook (OP)
The hard work is the part that really gets me. Because when I meal prep four meals for myself, it's basically one run of the oven, and the air fryer. Everything fits in one go. When I'm making food for her too, it's not just increasing the portion sizes I'm making, but I do often have to make the recipe twice.
NTA. There is legitimately something wrong with her if she's incapable of understanding how effed up her actions and attitude are. I'd tell her bluntly that it's messed up that she has zero respect or appreciation for the time, money, and effort you put into meal prep while somehow still feeling entitled to all of it. It's an ugly attitude to have and you won't enable it.
If it’s not a big deal for her to throw them out, it should be less of a big deal when she has nothing to throw out. The meals are made with the intent that she’s going to eat them. NTA. If she wants meals that she can throw out on a whim, she can make her own food. She can sign up for one of those frozen meal prep subscriptions, if she doesn’t know how to cook.