"AITA for not acting wealthy?"
Hi, I’m 20f and come from a very wealthy new money family. I went to a public primary school, but by the age of 10 my family had become multimillionaires. My older brother went to a private secondary school but I cried to my parents that I didn’t want to leave my friends at the time so begged them to send me to the public one instead.
At this high school I met my now best friends. It’s important to know my family doesn’t flex their wealth. We do live in a rather large house, and we do drive nice cars but other than that the only real sign of wealth would be the amount of gold I wear.
I grew up knowing I was privileged. My friends would always bring up their financial struggles and I tried my best to help them by always paying whenever we went out and stuff but I obviously couldn’t solve there families financial difficulties. Now recently I have taken to having a part time job.
I do not need to work it’s something I have chosen to do, I live off only the money i make and none of my family's wealth. I pay rent and buy groceries just like anyone else, but as I grew up with a lavish lifestyle and my part time job no longer supports that I’ve come into some credit card debt.
I was discussing this with my friends when one of them got really agitated and started shouting at me, telling me I wouldn’t know difficulty if it hit me in the face and that I need to stop acting ghetto and check my privilege.
Now I do know that if I needed to I could just pay off the debt using my trust fund or something but I didn’t want to, I wanted to learn financial responsibility, but she doesn’t seem to understand that and has since cut me off.
My friends think I am the ahole, and that I should’ve never brought it up because some people have real life problems and I’m just playing pretend. I want to know should I apologize to her or is she overreacting? In my opinion, I should be allowed to discuss something that is stressing me out with my friends without facing backlash.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
nasnedigonyat said:
Yup. YTA. I'm gonna hit you with the hard truth. You haven't learned financial responsibility. You are acting wealthy. You are in debt and digging deeper. You're literally WASTING money for the sake of.... Building character?
Any sane person would pay off their debt if they had the chance instead of incurring more and more of it. Every dollar of debt you have compounds every month, growing like cancer or mold. Several irrational things are happening here. You intentionally keep a part time job to pay your bills which you "don't even need" bc you want to pay your own way.
You obviously need more income to cover your monthly minimum lifestyle. That means you need to work more if you truly want to cover your cost of living. Intentionally incurring debt to "build character" is dumb, counter intuitive, and pretentious.
It shows you have a tenuous grasp of how to live as an independent adult or the purpose of money itself. It's not a toy. It's a tool. Learn to use it appropriately or risk losing a proverbial limb in the figurative workshop.
Your present wastefulness could mean that you're someday without this tool and then you'll be SOL bc you don't have the very basic sense to make enough money to pay for your cost of living when that's your entire goal.
CinnaWhite said:
Soft YTA. Not for having money. Not for working. Not for wanting independence. But for the room read. When you talk about credit card debt while everyone knows you have a trust fund safety net, it can land very differently to people who have debt with zero backup plan. To you it’s a lesson in responsibility. To them it sounds like cosplay struggle.
You’re allowed to be stressed. Your feelings are real. But context matters. For someone who’s watched their family actually struggle, hearing “I’m in debt but I could wipe it out anytime” can hit a nerve.
If you value the friendship, I’d apologize for being insensitive, not for having money. Something like, “I didn’t mean to minimize real financial stress. I see how that came off.” She may still be projecting some stuff onto you, but this probably touched something deeper than just credit cards.
Naive_Pay_7066 said:
Sorry but YTA. You’re cosplaying in their daily struggles and they know it. Your intentions don’t matter because in reality you’re never going to actually need to choose between buying food and keeping your power on.
zombiemiki said:
YTA. Having debt isn’t a good thing. There was no reason for you to take on that debt. You don’t get points for suffering for fun.
anonymous_for_this said:
The goal, no matter your wealth, is to live within your means. The confusing thing for me is that you have access to a trust fund, but you don't want to use it. Do you count the trust fund as part of your means? Or not?
Learning financial responsibility means not racking up credit card debt in the first place, because the interest payable is high. It is not fiscally responsibie to refuse to pay off the debt for because you don't want to dip into your trust fund.
If I were your friend I would be irritated because you are playing a stupid game with yourself, pretending to struggle with finances when you are not optimizing your own considerable resources. I don't know if YTA or simply silly.
arlondiluthel said:
ESH. Her reaction was out of line, and while your friends' response was over the top, there is some truth behind it. You even go at far to acknowledge that if your situation with the credit card gets to be too much to handle you have a means of just paying it off.
The vast majority of people don't have that luxury. Good on you for trying to learn fiscal responsibility, but your safety net is a privilege. My advice would be to not discuss finances with anyone who isn't family.
AtmosphereHopeful686 said:
I think it’s a YTA. I get that you want financial responsibility but not many people live with a financial backup like you do. They have those debt and can not balance it out in seconds if they decide they don’t want that any longer. Your friends struggle for real. And even if you also "struggle“ you did in fact decide to do that, other than most people ok your cycle.
ALSO, and that’s the biggest issue, is your sentence „my family doesn’t flex their wealth“ and immediately after you stated, that you have a big house, nice cars, private schools and wear much gold jewelry. That’s not exactly flexing but also not „not acting wealthy." You guys act wealthy because you are wealthy, that’s okay! But don’t expect people to be happy that you are not shoving it into their faces.
After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:
Damn y'all hate me! I did not expect this to become a financial conversation, but you’re all right, I do not know how credit cards and everything work. My parents were against me attempting to provide for myself, so have not given me any advice on the matter.
I see now it was insensitive of me to bring this topic of conversation up with my friends, and instead I should educate myself or accept my privilege. I should also mention I am not working full time as I am at Uni, and that I will hopefully be working full time once I graduate.
Me providing for myself is not a temporary thing I am dabbling in for fun, I am genuinely trying to live on my own two feet, and make my own wealth. Also I see now how ridiculous my gold comment was. It’s just never occurred to me that it wasn’t normal. My parents raised me to never keep money in the bank, and instead to always invest it in Gold or Property.
I do not know how stocks and crypto work or else I’d put it in there, but instead I put it in Gold, of which I do wear a few pieces. The gold is not bought with the intention of flexing, it’s bought as an investment, and it’s a common gift in my family.
That being said I bet some of you still despise me, and I’m sorry I can see why. I have listened to the song and it rings true, again I’m sorry, but I can’t change my circumstances.
I promise I’m a nice person and my friends do love me, or they wouldn’t have been with me since we were 12. She has since unblocked me and reached out to me, and we have sorted out our differences. I know I’m not perfect but I am trying.