"AITA for not allowing my mother in law to move in?"
My husband (24m) came to me (22f) last night asking if his mother could move in. I was confused because she told me about a week ago she was getting keys to an apartment soon.
MIL currently lives with his brother (Caleb 27m) & his wife Tonya (26f). She’s lived with him for about 6 months but decided she wants to move out due to a disagreement she had with Tonya. Tonya & Caleb have a son who was born 4 months premature. He’s now thriving & hitting milestones.
MIL babysits for them while they work & was feeding him mashed potatoes, chicken, rice, & many different fruits & vegetables behind their back. They had not introduced him to anything other than formula yet.
So there was a huge fight between MIL & Tonya & now MIL wants to move out... fine. The issue comes in with my husband asking can she move in with us. The issue with this is we have two children (4months f) & (2y/o m) & are in a small 2bedroom apartment... if she were to move in with us our kids wouldn’t have a room...
My husband sees no issue with this as the baby sleeps with us anyways but that’s really not the point... I just bought a new bed & many other things for their room along with all of their belongings being in there.
If she moved in I would have to get a storage unit for most of their things & their clothes would have to come in our room. Me & my husband had a disagreement about this because I don’t want her to move in due to these things & if she did it would be permanent.
She will not want to move out... she initially moved in with Caleb because she could barely afford the apartment she had. It was $1975 a month plus utilities. My husband says I’m being selfish & inconsiderate as his mother needs somewhere to live & it would just be temporary until she can afford to move somewhere else. But I know that won’t happen. She’s not the most responsible person with her $$.
For context she has a $40,000 vehicle that she makes payments on. The car payments alone are close to $2,000 a month not including insurance & gas. Not only that she’s constantly ordering things & buying clothes, designer bags, & other things that she cannot afford.
She gives $100 to her church every week... not that giving back to your church is a bad thing but when you can barely afford it it’s simply not reasonable. She goes on trips every few months. All of this & the only income she has is Uber.
So my question to him is where is the extra $$ that she’ll be saving for another apartment. He doesn’t see my point but I don’t feel I’m wrong. He’s not speaking to me at the moment so I guess I just really need to know AITA for not wanting to let his mother move in with us???
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP's post:
NTA and make this your hill to die on.
Yeahh letting MIL move in sounds like opening the door to a long-term mess. Space aside, her financial choices don’t scream temporary. OP’s just looking out for her family and I’d do the same.
Stand your ground. She already made your sister in law crazy by feeding her newborn foods that are unacceptable. Mil will destroy your marriage if she moves in.
NTA. my husband one tried to convince me to move in with his mom to save money. i told him i’d get my own studio without him before i’d live with her. he never mentioned it again lol. put your foot down OP.
Oh hell no! In a two bedroom apartment! With two kids as well! Just thinking about it I can feel the claustrophobia…Oh. Hell. No. This is the moment you give him the choice of living with you and his children or with him mum. NTA.
NTA. Stop with the reasons and excuses. Tell your husband there is no way your mom is moving in to my two bedroom apartment with us. It won’t be happening. Not even for a week. She’s already nearly cost your brother his marriage and his sanity.
It ain’t happening. She turns up she’s not getting in. If he cares more about his mom he can go live with her someplace. He’s being incredibly selfish and immature with refusing to speak right now - how old is he ? Maybe you need therapy together.
NTA. Tell your hubs to consider this - If she's going behind your BIL and SIL's back with their child, she will do the same to y'all. Stand your ground and good luck to you.
Husband thinks she will leave? No - she'll pull the same as she did with his brother - i would recommend he FIRST talk with brother and wife - to get the details (although, feeding a baby what she did could even be seen as trying to cause harm / threatening life / wellbeing of a baby) - and he would allow a person doing that in a house with a baby roughly similar age?
And how would that child be safe around a person ignoring all doctors advice etc?? Nope - this is indeed the hill to die on. She can do airb&b, hotel, hostel, box under bridge - or he can rent her a caravan or whatever. NTA. And for any long stay guests - 2 yes required. 1 yes, 1 no = no.
The silent treatment from your husband is a huge sign that he's not mature enough to handle this conversation. He's being a baby because he's not getting his way. You're not being selfish; you're being practical and protecting your family.