'AITA for not allowing my sister’s 'polycule' around my children?'

"AITA for not allowing my sister’s 'polycule' around my children?"

I (33M) have always been decently close with my sister (35F), but over the past 5-ish years, we’ve grown apart significantly. The driving force of that has been the way she handles her newfound relationship preferences. She is polyamorous, and that’s fine.

I’m a gay man, I’ve been around plenty of unconventional relationship dynamics, what consenting adults do doesn’t bother me, etc. The problem lies in the fact that she insists that polyamory is “part of her sexuality.”

We have had the discussion many times about how polyamory might be her preferred relationship structure, but it’s not an integral, built-in part of her like sexuality is. She disagrees, and that makes me uncomfortable.

My husband and I have two children. Our youngest is about to turn one, and we’re planning a small birthday get-together. My sister is currently dating two men. My mom is attempting to be supportive and has been encouraging me to invite all three of them. I ended up inviting my sister alone.

My sister told me that was ridiculous, that they’ve been together for a year and a half, and that her boyfriends should be included in family events. I told her when she decides which one she’s marrying, an invitation to all future events will be extended to that boyfriend.

I know that last comment might’ve been too far, but I’m just not particularly interested in involving my sister’s 2 partners in my children’s lives. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

tropicalelectronics said:

If it's been more than a year and they are living together it goes beyond hooking up.

teenagedemonbaby said:

YTA I was with you until “when she decides which one she’s marrying”. Calling them “her threesome partners” is reducing their romantic relationship to the sexual aspect, which is a crappy thing you KNOW has been done to gay people for many years.

I’m not comparing overall discrimination or anything of course, I’m just saying that you’re being disrespectful and dismissive of your sister’s meaningful relationships in a way that you should know better than to do.

Curious-One4595 said:

Yeah. YTA. I agree with you that being poly is not a sexuality, but she doesn’t and you two will just have to agree to disagree. I don’t understand why that would make you uncomfortable.

Ultimately, if those two guys are her romantic partners of choice and they have been together for a year and a half, they belong at family functions. You’re just being an AH. As a guy married to a guy with a kid of our own, let me just say that same-sex couples gatekeeping others’ non-harmful relationships is not a good look.

Fractlicious said:

YTA. Opinions on monogamy aside, you 1) did something you knew was going to upset your sister 2) ignore your sister’s pov in favor of your own comfortable one and 3) purposefully made the marriage comment to be hurtful. if this post is real, you suuuck.

Icy-Implement-4744 said:

NTA for setting boundaries about who’s involved in your kids' lives, but your comment about marriage may have come off as dismissive ngl...It's important to express your feelings respectfully while maintaining your boundaries.

salisburysteaksweatr said:

NTA about not deciding who you want around your kids. But your ATA about how you support your sister. You basically shit on her love life because it doesn't look like the nuclear family you decided is the correct and standard to life. One of these days polyamory is going to be as normal as gay marriage. And you'll be on the other side of that, sisterless.

EtonRd said:

YTA. You are being a genuine piece of crap to judge other people’s relationships. 25 years ago, you wouldn’t have been able to be married, and you have no appreciation for that. And there are millions of families that wouldn’t acknowledge a gay relationship even today. And that doesn’t stop you from being so incredibly judgmental. Shame on you. Hypocritical ahole.

NoveltyEducation said:

YTA, it's wild to me, that you want to be accepted for who you are whilst not accepting your sister for who she is. They have been in a relationship for over a year, it's not just a fling.

After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:

The current political climate has me worried that LGBTQ+ rights will be rolled back. That fear plus some of the conversations I was having with my sister led to me making a poor decision. Directing those feelings towards her was obviously misguided and not cool. I appreciate the feedback.