'AITA for not attending my sister's wedding because she uninvited my partner?'
"AITA For Not Attending My Sister's Wedding Because She Uninvited My Partner?"
I (28F) have been with my partner (30M) for 6 years. We’re not married but are deeply committed and have been living together for 4 years. My family knows him well, and he’s always been kind and respectful to everyone.
A few months ago, my sister (25F) got engaged. She planned a big wedding and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was thrilled and started helping with everything—dress shopping, planning, and even paying for some smaller details.
Last week, she called me out of the blue and told me my partner is no longer invited to the wedding. When I asked why, she said her fiancé feels "uncomfortable" around him. No explanation beyond that. For context, there’s never been any conflict between my partner and her fiancé; they’ve only met a few times, and it was always cordial.
I told her I wasn’t okay with this and asked her to reconsider. She refused, saying it’s their wedding, their rules, and I should respect her fiancé’s feelings. I said I wouldn’t attend the wedding if my partner wasn’t welcome.
She blew up, accused me of being selfish, and said I’m choosing a "boyfriend" over my own sister. My parents are now involved, and they think I should just go for "family harmony" and leave my partner out of it for one day.
I feel like I’m being forced to choose between my partner, who has done nothing wrong, and my family. Am I the asshole for refusing to attend my sister's wedding under these circumstances?"
Let's see what readers thought:
NTA. Unless she, or her fiance, fess up to what the real problem is, she's the selfish, disrespectful one. What's your bf supposed to do in the future for every family occasion if said fiance is uncomfortable around him?
Is he supposed to stay home? Will sisters fiance boycott your wedding due to his discomfort? This is utter bs, good on you for not tolerating it. Would love an update on what's really the reason! Lol I'd ask her if the reason is that her fiance is bi and attracted to your bf! Lol
aghpo writes:
NTA. Let your sister do her own organising by herself and make it clear that you will not be attending. She can't have it both ways. She can't both disrespect your partner and at the same time expect you to both help her and attend the wedding. This is not same guy you met last week. You've been in a committed relationship for 6 years. The level of disrespect is off the scales.
aplcate writes:
This sub talks a lot about people needing to stand up for their significant others. You need to back up your boyfriend, and you’ve been doing that. Don’t let anyone else tell you you’re in the wrong.
If your partner is omitted from a big family event when they haven’t done anything (that you can easily identify) wrong, it’s a terrible precedent to set for all major family events. You can’t let him get pushed out. First it’s the wedding, then it will be Christmas or a family vacation. Protect your partner unflinchingly.
BTW, in my opinion, I think you should immediately stop helping your sister and should send her an invoice for every dollar you’ve put out to help her with her wedding. Will she pay it?
Of course not, but your sacrifice for her will be right there in black and white, and one could hope it might make her start to feel guilty. Send a copy to anyone who doesn’t support you, especially your parents. NTA.
plewro writes:
NTA. It is “her wedding, her rules” and everyone will now have to accept the consequences of her choices.
How did she think this would go? What is your partner meant to do now that your sister’s fiancé doesn’t want him around but has no reason for it that he is willing to share. How can make amends for ‘discomfort’? Your parents aren’t even demanding to know specifics? They just accepted ‘discomfort’? When will he be welcomed around everyone again?
OP you are either missing something huge about your partner or your family has a disproportionate number of assholes.