'AITA for not attending my twin brother's wedding?' + UPDATE
"AITA for not attending my twin brother's wedding?"
theonlynotdoctor
I (33M) have a family full of doctors. My parents (62 both) are doctors,my older twin sisters (36F) and their husbands are doctors, my dad's late parents and grandparents are doctors.
His siblings and their partners are doctors, my mom is a doctor and my twin brother is also a doctor. My three cousins and their partners are also doctors. Most of the medical schools and hospitals in our country know our family name I am the only one who is not a doctor.
I was never academically inclined as my family. I never liked school, studying, academics etc. I was the troubled kid most of the time because I hated there. Due to my family being doctors, I was seen by most of the child psychiatrists in our city.
I was given multiple diagnoses ad ADHD, ASD, ODD, IED etc until I was sent to a boarding school at age 12 after I had a sever fight with a classmate and causing him a severe fracture in his face. Judge offered two options, juvenile facility or boarding school for troubled kids, they chose the later one.
The doctor of that school (bless his heart) unraveled the bare truth that I wasn't cut to have a medical career and didn't have any problems other than anxiety thanks to my family. He was the first one to listen to what I wanted and he helped school to put me in a program that focuses more on handcrafting jobs.
After boarding school, I went into carpentry school and realized I actually like studying while I was making a project for one of my end of term exams. I then studied material engineering and I currently work in a furniture factory.
My relationship with my family is superficial. I don't have anything in common other than blood. They have their own lives and their jobs consume most of their time. They are always at a medical event, working or studying for something.
I see them from holidays to holidays and even at that time, I feel like an outcast because only after one hour, they start to talk about medical stuff and I mostly leave the gathering after 30-40 minutes and no one notices. I have accepted that I am not one of them and thanks to therapy, it doesn't hurt me anymore.
Last weekend, my brother got married with his long term boyfriend, surprise surprise he is also a doctor, and I didn't go. One, I have planned a one month trip to SEA where I just came back to home 48 hours ago and two I honestly didn't want to go to an event where everyone would be my brothers and my family's friends who are mostly their colleagues and I would be an outcast in most of the talks.
I quietly declined the RSVP and went on my way to Taipei to start my trip a month ago. I got back at Friday morning and there were multiple calls and messages (I took a burner phone and I had a professional camera for photography). Turns out they were trying ro get a hold of me for the wedding.
I have just written I was at a month long trip and It wasn't important enough for me. My brother said "You shouldn't be surprised to hear that we are opening a defamation case against you for using our surname." AITA to be a subject of a defamation case?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
jacksonlove3
NTA and defamation of what exactly?
Glittering_Mouse2728
For using their surname. Don't you know it's illegal for non doctors to use their surname??
VegetableBusiness897
Tell them you'll sue them back since everywhere you go people are always harassing you with medical questions...assuming you're one of those (surname) doctors,....you can't get any peace!
Two months later, the OP returned with an update.
theonlynotdoctor
Whew, I have forgotten that this account still existed. First of all, I (33M) can proudly say I am a Vermonter now. Last month, I managed to move to the Vermont, it was somewhat hard but I didn't have that much of a stuff to bring from the Hungary and I am currently residing in Edmonton, VM.
People are so nice here and my health insurance is being handled by the company so, yay me. This means I have accepted the money from my family and changed my surname to one of the most generic surnames "Jones". Yes, I chose the surname Jones and thanks to the hungarian embassy, my US passport was also accustomed and I got my Vermont Identity Card so yayyy.
Me and my family though, we are not family anymore. I am cut off from every branch of the family and I am sent a C&D letter that is signed by all of them. I always thought it would bring me relief but it didn't. I still kind of grieve what we could have been but I look into my way.
From here and there, I sometimes hear they talk trash about me but I am fine with that. I also heard that my brother and his husband moved into USA, into San Francisco. My brother is an Infectious Disease Specialist that focuses on STIs so I assume he found his job relatively easy and his husband is a plastic surgeon, they are stereotypically conventional for that city.
I also came to the terms within my sexuality. I had flings with the guys here and there because I didn't want to associate myself with my brother and I was in Hungary, not the best country to be queer so I mostly dated women but last month, I met with a carpenter (29M) at the first day of my job and we have been dating for 3 weeks.
I think I am in love with that guy. Last week I told him about my family and his only comment was "They're a little of their rocker." Which means they are crazy. He said "My family also has doctors but they are not like this trust me" and 2 days ago, I met with his brother and wife (both 41). They are the nicest people I have ever met. They also have twin boys (8 M) and they both work as pediatricians.
Life is mostly good, my family and I are away from each other for our own good and I just voted for the first time in US elections at my life. I also came out to myself and to the world fully and I realized being myself is OK. Thanks for listening this country gay's rant.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
lucy_loveit
Congratulations on embracing your true identity and building a new life in Vermont! Your family may not have accepted you, but it sounds like you have found a new family who loves and accepts you for who you are. And congrats on voting for the first time - every vote counts! Keep living your best life and don't let anyone bring you down. Wishing you all the happiness and love in the world.
xanif
Families that care more about appearances than each other are weird. Best of luck with your found family.
seductiveNormaa
It sounds like you've made some big changes in your life, and they're mostly positive. You're living authentically, building new relationships, and creating a life you're happy with. Good for you!