'AITA for not being excited for my wedding?' 'She told me I should choose to be happy.'
"AITA for not being excited for my wedding?"
Let me start the whole thing my saying I am excited for the marriage itself. I’m excited to marry my FH. And I already know that the marriage is more important than the wedding - so please no comments saying that. I also HATE the fact that I’m not excited.
Background: So I (27F) and my FH (27M) are getting married in less than 2 weeks. We’ve been engaged for 1.5 years. Throughout the engagement there has been drama from everyone about the cost, the decisions I make regarding the wedding, and the guest list. Now the biggest issue that leads into this week: since the beginning my mom has been calling me and telling about drama happening with one of aunts as well as drama between my bridesmaids.
With the bridesmaids (only 3 of the 6 who happen to be my cousins), it has been: wanting to cut a slit into the dress (the dress is essentially backless doesn’t need a slit and I let them choose the dress), not liking the hairstyle I asked for (I asked for a low ponytail), and the biggest: not knowing “where they’re gonna get all this money from.”
The last point is most frustrating because I have made several decisions to lower their cost. The main costs to them are paying for my bachelorette, travel to the wedding, and makeup if they wanted to get it professionally done. Even with those I made strategic decisions to lower the cost for them significantly. Ex. I wanted to go to a beach for my bachelorette.
I’m not talking Mexico or anything. I’m talking VA beach or Tybee Island both drivable distances depending on when it would be. From what my MOH said to me is that they said the only nice beaches are in Florida or Cali, and they don’t have money for that. Fine (we literally didn’t have to go that far I just wanted to be by water) whatever. We’re doing local so it’s cheaper for them and thats fine I still plan on having fun!
My mom called and told me more drama earlier this week and I had enough and said I just want it to be over. She told me I was choosing to let the drama frustrate me and I should choose to be happy. I told her I’m not excited anymore. She said “wow that’s hurtful” and we hung up shortly after and haven’t spoken since. So AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
KronkLaSworda said:
"She told me I was choosing to let the drama frustrate me and I should choose to be happy." From this story, it sounds like your mom needs to learn not to pester the bride with family drama a week before the wedding. She should be shielding you from that sh$t, not passing it on. NTA.
aliaaenor said:
NTA. I was meh about my wedding and didn't enjoy it. Everyone tries to take over, it's frustrating. Focus on your husband and enjoy your marriage. May you have a wonderful happy blessed future together. The wedding is just one day.
PreoccupiedMind said:
NTA. I think you are just burned out with all the drama. Avoid any drama-related conversations and find a happy place in your head when you feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
IslandChill_420-024 said:
NTA. Also, I've NEVER ONCE REGRETTED eloping and having ZERO of my dramatic family there!
jrm1102 said:
ESH - though your mom needs to stop unloading this on you in this manner, she’s right. You are in fact choosing to let this bother you and this is all over choices you made. Whether the drama is warranted or not (im leaning towards not) - you need to handle it. That could mean anything from changing trip arrangements to kicking the cousins out.
So I do think you have a bit of a responsibility here because you dont seem to actually want to address this drama and rip the band aid off. So your mom needs to back off, but you also need to handle this.
EquivalentTwo1 said:
NTA. Your mother needs to keep the drama to herself. As for bachlerorette travel, that's a big ask. I did it for mine as my wedding was local-ish to my bridesmaids but I lived 5 time zones away.
Since I was traveling early to the wedding to finish the alterations on my dress and clear up any last minute issues, I stopped in Vegas and said anyone who wanted to could join me. 1 of my bridesmaids did, the other did not. We had fun. I did not stress about anything except for the fact I smashed my toenail so bad with my suitcase I thought it might die off before the wedding.
I planned everything out, gave them a schedule, set expectations and had price listed (breakfast tacos - I'm buying, nails cost x if you choose to do them, makeup is if you choose to use the makeup artist, etc). One bridesmaid was super happy with this, the other couldn't be bothered (big glaring indication of our future relationship, but i was marrying her cousin).
You don't have to be excited, this is a big event and you are part of the center of it. But you do need to tell your mother you need to no hear drama right now. She can tell you x days after the wedding.
I chose to focus on small things: oh yay my flowers are beautiful, the food is exactly what I wanted, my friends seem to be having a good time, etc. If I thought about it as one solid event, I would freak out.