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'AITA for not caring that I was uninvited to my older brother’s wedding?'

'AITA for not caring that I was uninvited to my older brother’s wedding?'

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"AITA for not caring that I was uninvited to my older brother’s wedding?"

This whole thing is so weird. I, (27M), am gay. I came out at 16 and my parents told me they would always love me, but to not mention it to my older brother who I'll call Brick, (then 19M, 30M now).

When I was confused and asked why, they said that Brick had expressed some awful opinions about gay people. I limited talking to Brick until I moved out at 18, which wasn't much of a problem because we were never close.

I went to uni, got good job, and an awesome boyfriend (28M), in my home city. Me and my boyfriend Angel live a peaceful life. Peaceful until a few days ago when I got a call from my brother. I was concerned that Brick was calling me, as we have never messaged before, just had each other's numbers for emergency purposes. I picked up because maybe there was some emergency happening.

He opened the call with an annoyed "hey man" and I knew something was up. He said he was getting married to his fiance Yen (24F) next year. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend! I was like "that's great Brick!" and asked some boring wedding things that he begrudgingly answered.

He then told me invites were being sent out in a couple weeks, and that I could bring a plus one. Here's where I made the mistake that started this mess. Without thinking like an idiot, I said, "cool, I'll bring my boyfriend." Major. Mess up. Brick immediately started yelling insults down the line, screaming that he "wouldn't have an [f slur] at his wedding." I didn't say anything and just hung up.

I was rattled by hearing those words from my own brother's mouth, even though I knew his feelings about people like me. I told Angel, and he comforted me, ordering in my favourite restaurant and watching movies with me, which was awesome. We went to bed later and I felt alright the next day.

I sent my parents a message that Brick invited me and uninvited me from his wedding pretty much in the same breath, and went on my way to work, not a clue of the crapstorm waiting for me when I got off. When I turned my phone on again after my shift, it was blowing UP.

Messages and calls from my parents and relatives galore asking me what the f happened? I phoned my parents back when I got home and gave them the run down of what happened, and said I honestly didn't care because it's not like Brick would be coming to my wedding anyways.

My parents immediately chastised me for my "obvious disinterest and disregard of my brother's life" and told me I should be apologizing to HIM for bringing my personal life into his wedding.

WHAT? I basically told my parents to screw off and have been getting bombarded with messages from relatives to apologize to my brother and get my invite reinstated, and apologize to my parents for disrespecting them, but I really don't want to. Angel's reassuring me that I did nothing wrong, but it's still nagging me. AITA?

The internet kept it real in the comment section.

Dittoheadforever wrote:

You're NTA and it's easy to see where your brother got his attitude.

"My parents told me they would always love me, Yeah, until the rubber met the road." Your parents sure let you down.

"My parents...told me I should be apologizing to HIM for bringing my personal life into his wedding."

Huh? Isn't it natural to respond to an invitation with a Plus 1 to say great, I will bring my significant other?

"Angel's reassuring me that I did nothing wrong."

He is right.

lemon_charlie wrote:

NTA. If he's a homophobe and the family condone his homophobia they're enabling it, and the wedding will have a homophobic attitude. Your parents warned you about Brick, which proved sadly true since the moment he realised he went straight to the slurs.

Even if you did apologise then you know you'll be in for abuse at the wedding if Brick ever accepts it. Angel is right, and the one treating you best. Tell your family you won't be the punching bag for Brick's hate.

Tonya-burner wrote:

NTA. Ask them why they want to defend a homophobe so much instead of showing kindness and love to you. I’m sorry your relatives are all being awful to you.

stove1336 wrote:

Your brother is a major AH for 1) his views 2) his hatefulness and 3) his mistreatment of you. Anyone who is acting like you have done something wrong is an incredibly huge AH and doesn't deserve your love or your time. You are justified in blocking the whole lot. NTA.

fiestafan73 wrote:

Your parents want you to apologize to someone who called you an f-slur? Hell no. Set that boundary now. Tell them the only apology that needs to be happening is one to you, and this is no longer up for discussion if they want to be put in the NC zone with your brick headed brother.

You have a family now with Angel. A family that respects you and loves you for who you are. And anyone else can piss off. Sometimes your logical family makes a lot more sense than your biological family.

bamf1701 wrote:

NTA. Apparently your parents find it easier to appease a homophobe than to actually do what is right. This means your parents take the easy way out as opposed to doing the right thing, all because your brother throws a bigger temper tantrum than you do.

What they should be doing in this situation, if they truly loved you and supported you, is that they would be yelling at your brother instead for what he said to you.

Used_Wafer6049 wrote:

NTA, and I am so very very sorry you're going through this. Although you "don't care" you were uninvited, and you have a great support in your partner, it's also OK to acknowledge the grief that's there, the pain, and the loss. In the coming weeks and months, this pain may pop up unexpectedly.

It's OK to welcome the pain and the grief without adding to it or ruminating on it, but to welcome it in a way that allows it to be healed by you and your partner's love. Remember what they say: Queer Joy is an act of resistance!

Sources: Reddit
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