'AITA for not caring that my ex-wife had baby with the guy she left me for?' UPDATED

"AITA for not caring that my ex-wife had baby?"

So I (31M) got married to Emily (31F) when we were 20, we separated at 26 and our divorce was finally finalized at 28. It was incredibly drawn out and messy as there was infidelity on her part and she kept refusing to sign papers and wanting to work on our marriage even though she was still with the guy she was cheating with.

I checked out as soon as she told me and just wanted to get divorced. It finally happened and I then started dating my current girlfriend Sandy (30F) a few months later. I should add, this marriage produced no kids.

So about 6 months ago, I became a dad for the first time, yay! Sandy and I had a little boy called Theo. I didn’t tell Emily this because frankly, why would I? I have no reason to have her in my life. My sister Grace (29) still is on good terms with Emily and I have no issue with that as long as I’m not involved. Anyway, I get a random message one day from Emily congratulating me on being a dad.

I figured Grace probably told her which was true and I found out Grace even sent pictures of my son I’d sent to her to Emily! I told Grace it’s fine if she wants to be friends with Emily but it’s not cool if she sends pictures of my newborn son to my ex wife. Sandy was pissed too and Grace apologized and hasn’t sent any more pictures or info I don’t want shared.

Well, I thought I wouldn’t hear from Emily again until she told me about a month after my son was born that she was pregnant with the guy she left me for. All I said was a generic “congratulations” and she got mad that was all I had to say. I just said to her we’re not in each other’s lives and that why would I really care? That kid was nothing to do with me. She tried messaging me again and I ignored her.

The other day, Emily messages me again and tells me she had a girl called Hayley. Alright, that’s cool. I offered another congratulations and thought that’d be it. She then started trying talking to me about us both finding happiness and becoming first time parents within months of each other and I honestly was not interested in talking to her.

She then started talking constantly and constantly about her baby and sent me pictures and I had no reaction. She then asked me why I wasn’t excited for her and I just decided to be totally honest. I just said to her “look, it’s great you’re excited about being a mom but we’ve been divorced for years.

Why are you sharing details about your baby with me? I don’t really care because you and me aren’t involved in each other’s lives anymore.” I then finally blocked her from messaging me and I ended up getting a sh!tty message from my sister.

She said I was an AH for putting down Emily like that when she was trying to tell me all about her new baby. Maybe my delivery was a bit harsh but am I really in the wrong for not caring my ex had a kid?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

DrSaks said:

NTA why would you care when she's an ex and it's not your kid!?

OP responded:

Apparently that’s too unreasonable to assume according to my sister

[deleted] said:

Apparently that’s too unreasonable to assume according to my sister

MichelleDeaEst said:

NTA, you’re actually more patient than I would be is my ex has cheated on me. Your sister shouldn’t prioritize being a good friend to your ex over being a good sister to you. She should’ve just stayed out of it and keep the friendship separate from you.

OP responded:

I’ve always been the kind of person to feel my pain on the inside. It really hurt but I just wanted to get the hell out of that marriage. I just wanted a divorce and a fresh start. I finally have it and idk what Emily’s deal is.

idontreply_aita said:

NTA. This is Emily's way of trying to feel less guilty for being a sh!tty wife. She wants you to be happy for her so she can rationalize her cheating into an "all's well that end's well". Grace needs to stay in her gd lane.

OP responded:

Honestly the whole cheating thing hurt but like I’m not even thinking about that. We’re divorced and have like no reason to be involved.

whyamisoawesome9 said:

NTA. I don't know why your sister is so hung up on you celebrating the offspring with the guy she cheated on you with. That's really weird behavior, I have questions about how much your ex has actually moved on in the last 5 years, or if she still considers you as playing the part of involved bystander in her relationship that you had at the beginning of her affair.

Block, and I would definitely reconsider your relationship with your sister who is enabling her fantasy where you care.

court_in_the_middle said:

Nta. She's just trying to convince you, and others, that because you're both now remarried and parents, what she did was inconsequential, and didn't matter, because everything ended well and turned out perfect, thus ignoring all the pain the cheating caused you.

I'm astounded you even bother communicating. My ex got married 12 weeks ago and I'm a bit bitter and upset, but that's because we share a 10yo, and he didn't even bother to tell our son, let alone invite him. People suck. Block her number and enjoy your wife and son.

OP responded:

She’s only got one kid.

LH-Holdings said:

NTA. Emily has someone to talk to about her baby. The baby’s father. There is a real strain lately of people feeling like they have to stay friends with their ex and while that’s fine if it’s your choice, this is really weird. Almost like Emily is trying to validate her bad choices by saying “See, we both ended up fine.”

I would also have much stronger language for your sister because her involvement in this is just super inappropriate.

And [deleted] said:

NTA. It’s incredibly weird to share details of your new baby to someone you’re divorced from who you had no kids with. Tbh you were quite nice and your sister is being really weird. Focus on your kid.

OP later shared this update on the situation:

I did mention in paragraph one that Sandy is my girlfriend since a few people have commented that I’m married again. I am not, I have a girlfriend who is Sandy and who my baby son is with. Grace knows Emily’s long-term bf started with an affair behind my back. She knows how awful Emily was when I was trying to get our divorce and all about the cheating.

People seem to be under the impression I am still talking to Emily. No, she contacted me once about her pregnancy which I responded to and she tried a few times after but I didn’t answer. Then I responded when she had her baby. I have literally talked to her twice and that was it before I blocked her.

Also, I’m trying to reply to as much people as I can but the consensus seems to be I need to talk to my sister properly, Emily is trying to cheat with me and that I’m in no way the AH so thanks for the still active comments! To those wondering, I learnt from Grace that Emily was at least 4 months pregnant when she told me so she did have a full term pregnancy I guess.