Misunderstanding during workplace argument earns woman unexpected sympathy as coworkers believe she can't have kids. AITA?
"AITA for not clearing a misunderstanding at work?"
The whole situation occurred because my colleague went on leave due to her kid getting sick. For context, there are only two of us in the office we manage, so naturally, we cannot both take leave at the same time. I’ve never had an issue with this since there has never been a situation where I needed time off and my colleague couldn’t cover for me.
I scheduled a doctor’s appointment at 12 PM, which meant I would need to take some time off work to attend it. There were no other free slots for the next two months, and since I need a new prescription, I couldn’t push it back. My supervisor approved this leave back in December.
I reminded my supervisor that I would be absent on Friday, even though my colleague was out. She forgot but said they’d make do, since the company wouldn’t collapse if the office was closed for one day. Some people, however, didn’t agree with her.
Our work mainly involves administrative tasks. We are basically assistants or sercetaries for the whole company. I sent an email to everyone, requesting that anything requiring my assistance be handled by Thursday since the office would be closed on Friday. I felt like I had started a war.
Complaints flooded in, with some people even confronting me directly. I generally keep my personal life private because the less people know about you, the less they can use against you. So, I shut them down with, “I have personal matters to attend to.” That didn’t stop the complaints.
Eventually, I snapped and told everyone that my supervisor approved the office being closed and pointed out that no one complains when my colleague is constantly absent due to her sick child. I don’t usually have a problem with this—kids are kids—but I was just so done with random people telling me how to do my job.
I believe in equality. If a mother can have her time off, so can I. But then I heard someone say that a “childfree” person doesn’t understand “real life” and has no right to compare themselves to someone with a three-year-old.
I snapped again. I asked how they knew I didn’t have kids of my own to take care of. I don’t have kids, nor do I want them, but that’s no one’s business. I was so angry I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, which somehow wasn’t even true or fitting the situation. I yelled, “Not everyone is lucky enough to have kids! Maybe think before you speak!” (oh, the irony).
That shut them up immediately. Everyone was as shocked as I was by what I had just said. They just didn't understand my reason behind it. But it worked. They dropped the topic, and some even seemed ashamed. Now, everyone assumes I’m snappy because I “can’t have kids.” Some even feel sorry for me.
The thing is, I haven’t done anything to clear up the misunderstanding because people have left me alone. They’ve stopped comparing my rights and responsibilities to my colleague’s and they no longer dare to "schedule" my work according to their wishes. AITA for keeping my mouth shut?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
They overstepped.
Then they assumed. Now they are leaving you alone. Enjoy.
NTA.
NTA I’m so sick of the idea that their choice they made to b come a parent some how entitles them to special treatment. During covid I was told I needed to come in bc unlike others I did t have kids and a reason to stay home. I was new to the state and job so I did so I wouldn’t go homeless. But it wasn’t right and should be illegal to give special treatment to someone over their personal choices.
NTA.
And: YOUR leave was approved first, so if any they should discuss this with the coworker.
NTA. As someone who was made to pick up the slack from everyone in the office for years because I didn't have children, I wish I would have had the gumption in my 20s and 30s to say something. I didn't.
Is it a lie? Sure, but your coworkers also needed a reality check for their bad behavior and treatment of you. If something as simple as that got them to back off, kudos. Let them think about what they'll say the next time, whether it's you or someone else.
NTA. Your health and well-being take equal priority to the health and well-bring of a colleague's kids. That is "real life". I would keep your mouth shut. Least said, soonest mended.
NTA. In my experience, parents are given an awful lot of grace at work to deal with kid issues. This is not a bad thing, but the same grace is not always extended in other situations.
We don’t have children, partly by choice and partly from lack of pursuing it, and my standard response when people are nosy or dismissive about it is to say “kids just aren’t in the cards for us.” It’s ambiguous enough that I’m not lying, but always shuts them up. They can assume whatever they want about it.
NTA. People without kids have things that they have to attend to as well, and if your time off was approved, they had no business chiming in with their complaints. Yes, parents have extra responsibilities, but that comes with being parents.
Childless people aren't obligated to cancel their own lives and appointments just to cover for them, particularly when doing so would cost them money (cancellation fees) and adverse health effects (if you need to see the doctor, you shouldn't have to wait another few days or weeks to do so.)
If your job duties are that important, then suggest cross-training so some of them can cover for you/your parent co-worker -- or do they expect you to come in if you're sick and share your germs with them if your co-worker's child happens to be sick at the same time? You're not responsible for their assumptions, and they deserve the shame. They're just so prejudiced that they've misapplied it.