'AITA for not cooking breakfast for my niece and nephew?' 'She's expecting ME to apologize.'

"AITA for not cooking breakfast for my niece and nephew?"

My (36, M) sister (34, F) moved into my house about 2 months ago with her 2 kids (7M, 4F) after she ended a really bad relationship. I’ve always been an early-ish riser and like to get up and make myself some breakfast around 7 or 8am. Nothing spectacular, just whatever I felt like that day.

When my sister moved in, I realized quickly that she liked to sleep in. Some days she was up as late as 1pm…I gave her the benefit of the doubt since I knew how hard her break up was for her.

Since my sister slept so late daily, she wouldn’t get up and take care of her kids. I got into a routine with my niece and nephew that basically whatever I cooked myself for breakfast, I’d make enough for them as well until the other morning.

I woke up and had an urge to make huevos rancheros. The kids immediately started complaining that they didn’t want that and wanted something different. I was nice and ended up making them pancakes since it’s not their fault that their mom is really struggling.

The next morning, I was making breakfast potatoes and eggs but all I heard was “we don’t want that. We want something different” so again, I obliged…finally after 3 mornings of my unwanted food critics getting a separate meal, I finally told them “I’m no longer cooking 2 different meals for breakfast. If you don’t like what I’m making, go ask your mom to get up and do it."

So, they went upstairs to wake her up, but she still didn’t come downstairs until after 1pm. The kids immediately started complaining that I “refused to feed them” and my sister was PISSED. She started in about how they need to be fed by a certain time and a bunch of other things that she said to try and intentionally hurt me.

I snapped and told her “look I know you’re depressed, but wake up and take care of your kids instead of expecting me to do it” She got quiet after that and is still giving me the cold shoulder, but I know she’s expecting me to apologize. Sorry this was long winded, but let me have it. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

mrmses said:

Sleeping till 1pm means she’s missing their breakfast AND lunch. Ages 7 and 4 and still pretty dependent on an adult for balanced meals. Your sister is lame.

Zazzog said:

NTA. Number one, you're right. Despite anything she's going through, your sister is still the childrens' mother, and they're her responsibility. It's unfair of her to expect you to make them breakfast so she can sleep in.

Number two, it's very kind of you to cook for them anyway, but that doesn't mean you have to go out of your way. There's nothing wrong with expecting the kids to eat what you're making. You're not a short order cook. Finally, in my experience, always cooking what the kids ask for is a quick way to turn them into overly picky eaters.

Rude-Organization782 said:

DO NOT APOLOGIZE!!!!! What ever you do, do NOT apologize. We all have hard times in life, many struggle with mental health too. That's not an excuse to neglect your children. 4 year olds need supervising, I may add.

She's gotten used to you waiting on her kids, and how dare she even consider laying into you. Who does she think she is? Her children are her responsibility, you've been kind enough to give her and her children a roof...

You've taken care of her kids for a period of time, allowing her time and space to get her head together. Now she needs to get her head out of her arse and start taking care of her children.

I'd start waking her up by whatever time she said her children need feeding by. Remind her her that her children need feeding, and that is her responsibility. Have her start pulling her weight in the house and contributing financially (if she isn't already, which I doubt she is). NTA.

Awkward_Chest9310 said:

NTA. I've been in your position and I've been a depressed mother before. You don't owe her an apology. I think you need to have a conversation with your sister about boundaries and expectations. If she's not okay with that then she needs to find somewhere else to recover.

Dixieland_Insanity said:

NTA. Do NOT apologize for what you said. You didn't sign up to be anyone's short order cook for breakfast or any other meals. They can be happy with what you make or wake their mother. You didn't refuse to feed them. You refused to cook two completely separate meals to fulfill their demands.

You need to sit down with your sister and lay out a time frame for when she will have a job and have the funds to leave. Don't agree to being her babysitter for this. She needs to figure out childcare as well.

She didn't stop having responsibility for her kids because she went through a breakup. You have given her plenty of time to pull herself together and start moving forward.

You don't say how long they've been living with you but I'm guessing it's been several weeks. You gave all 3 of them a dose of tough love that was warranted and necessary. Stand your ground.

Wonderful_Two_6710 said:

NTA. She may be depressed, but her kids need their mom.

Original_Pythonette said:

I'm sure you know you're NTA. She doesn't get to sleep through her obligations as a mother. I have severe, often crippling, depression, but, I have responsibilities and pets to care for, so, I get up to do that. She can always go back to bed later.