'AITA for not covering the bill for my friends simply because I have a 'big girl job?'

"AITA for not covering the bill for my friends?"

I (20F) and 3 of my high school friends (all 20F) met up and got dinner after not seeing each other for a while. It wasn’t my idea, but I was invited and very excited since it had been a year since the four of us were all together.

The check came to the table (not split, we never discussed splitting the check and our waiter dropped it off in passing) and they all kept making comments about how they’re in school/out of work, insinuating that I should be the one paying.

Two of them are in college full time with work study jobs and the other is working full time but is currently between jobs. I work full time- I started working as a night RN in June. I was a little taken aback since no one said anything about me covering the bill in full (~$90 before tip). I told them that I would pay for my meal and cover the tip, but I wanted them to Venmo me the cost of what they ordered.

They seemed offended and kind of side-eyed me but they reluctantly agreed. They kept making comments about how I had “a big girl job,” that I could’ve paid the whole bill and be fine, and that I was being selfish for asking them to pay me back. I told them that it was rude of them to expect me to pay without suggesting it beforehand and that I didn’t think I was being selfish.

This happened a couple weeks ago and they keep making jokes/remarks in our group chat about what happened. And I know that one of them is actually mad at me for what happened.

The internet had a lot of hot takes about the situation.

Ab-sedink75 wrote:

NTA - How good of friends are you with these people because it honestly sounds like they just invited you in order to get you a pay for their dinner which is really gross.

OP responded:

The four of us were best friends in high school and throughout the first year of college, however we drifted a bit because we each had our own paths.

WishPretty0723 wrote:

"They kept making comments about how I had “a big girl job."

Yes, you have a big girl job but not big girls job. Those other girls- ain't your responsibility.

Yeah, if someone is in a big emergency or troubles I would say it would be stingy to not spare 10 or 20 bucks but for no reason? Hell no. You sat yourself down and ordered food- so you better pay for it! NTA.

Discount_Mithral wrote:

NTA. They intentionally made plans to go to dinner and only invited you so they could surprise you with the bill?! These people are not your friends. I would pull back from this group and find people who could afford the plans they made with me instead of viewing me like a substitute for mommy and daddy paying for dinner for me.

LindonLilLBueBalls wrote:

NTA. The way I see it, you have two options.

Option 1: Tell the group chat about a date a guy asked you out on and when the bill came, he asked you to pay for it. Then go off on how shitty that is to do to someone, ask them to dinner and then expect them to pay. Just really lay it on thick.

Option 2: Ask them all to come to dinner with you as a way for you to apologize to them. Before the meal is finished, excuse yourself and sneak out.

Basically either way it sounds like your friendship with these moochers is over. If they are still talking about it and still mad, they don't see you as anything more than a free meal.

Thaded1 wrote:

NTA. It sounds like the only thing you should be expected to nurse is your patients, not your friends' finances! Just because you have a "big girl job" doesn't mean your wallet is a free-for-all.

It's perfectly reasonable to expect everyone to pay for their own meals unless it was stated otherwise beforehand. Maybe for the next get-together, you can suggest a potluck at home—where the only checks involved are the ones you play on the chessboard.

QuietObserver75 wrote:

NTA and you're friends are really shitty people. Who goes to dinner and then when the bill comes complains you can't afford it? You just don't go. The fact that they all did this to you makes me feel like they maybe discussed sandbagging you beforehand? Because it definitely sounds like they talked about this without you there.

Suzdg wrote:

It is totally out of line to expect you to pay at the end of the meal. If money is an issue you could have gotten a cheaper meals somewhere else. Maybe these aren’t the friends you thought they were? It is one thing to put you on the spot w that entitlement, even worse to double down and joke about it or be mad.

I mean, mad? About not doing something you never agreed to? Sounds like they all got together and agreed you should pay Might be time to step back from these “friends.” NTA.

Which_Tangerine8982 wrote:

NTA and there was absolutely NO expectation for you to pay when you accepted THEIR invitation. I would have had them do separate checks; who knows if they will follow up and Venmo you? It's really not fair that there is now awkwardness between you all when you did nothing wrong.

Odd_Library2676 wrote:

Definitely NTA! They suggested to go out, they should have expected to be paying for themselves. It is very rude to assume you're paying, again they suggested to go out so they should have prepared money to pay.