'AITA for not doing my husband’s laundry even though I'm a stay-at-home mom?'
"AITA for not doing my husband’s laundry?"
My husband is angry with me because the jeans he wanted to wear weren’t clean yet and I’ve “had a week to take care of it”. I told him that he’s a grown man who should be able to take care of this himself and that I am not his mother. His justification is that it’s not like I have anything else to do.
I am currently a stay at home mom (not by choice) and take care of everything in the house and all of the childcare. We’ve been together for 20 years, married for 14 and have two daughters. 5 years ago I gave up my full time job so he could pursue a job opportunity abroad. I gave up my financial independence and support system and became a stay at home wife, this was meant to be temporary.
I worked part time for a while but a stressful work environment, lack of support, taking care of the household and being the default parent took a major toll on my mental health. I do all the cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking and childcare.
He claims he does enough because he works fulltime (flex hours from home) and provides financially. He doesn’t help out over weekends and spends his free time gaming. Am I really the AH for not making sure his jeans were washed and ready?
The comments kept coming.
PBnSyes wrote:
The first time I did laundry for my husband, he got upset because I hung some of the shirts with the buttons to the left and some with the buttons on the right. Same with the pants - some folded over the hanger with the top to the left, some to the right.
I told him "It will never be a problem again."
He misunderstood. A week later he asked me when I was going to do laundry. I just laughed. He figured it out.
TroubleDifficult8861 wrote:
Let me get this right.
Him: Works 9-5 (or whatever his hours are) with retirement, weekends and vacations.
You: Work 24/7 (including weekends and vacations) without retirement.
Doesnt sound fair to me. I know one person, who is stay-at-home (not common in my country).
He pays into her retirement, he has a insurance in case he is hurt/dies, she gets alimony and at least 50% custody if they split (they have a pre-nup) And EVEN then, he helps with stuff once he is off the clock (why should his work day end at 5 if hers doesnt?).
TravestyinCT wrote:
No NTA. I am a male and I do most of the laundry… I cook breakfast for wife everyday… I make dinner for her about 50% of the time. I make twice the money she does. She works harder in my opinion. She is a nurse. I work from home. Was not always this way. When we married she wanted to be a SAHM.
As a SAHM she did all of the above. I was also deployed a lot as I was military.
Now she works - and works hard. I picked up things to make her life easier. Were married … not each others personal assistant. When she wanted to go to school to be a RN— I agreed 100%… because she needs something outside of me.
I also don’t drive very much. She does…because she likes it. Yes we get stares once in a while…woman driving while man in passenger seat.
I support my wife 100%…nothing comes before her.
New-Pea-3721 wrote:
NTA. Millions of people manage a 9-5 and do ALL their laundry, clean their house, do the shopping and the cooking etc.
Husband can manage a 9-5 and to wash a single pair of jeans.
OkieDokiePokieee wrote:
So many people missed the part OP gave up a career so he could pursue his opportunity abroad and that she tried to work part-time but couldn’t do that AND be a maid and childcare provider at the same time. If he actually helped out with those things, OP could’ve went back to work.
UniqueLuck2444 wrote:
NTA - if he wants to act like he is Your employer, that is fine but he has to own it.
I would start asking him about: PTO. Paid sick time. Retirement fund. Retirement fund contributions match.
Being a stay at home spouse is funny money. You are heavily contributing. However, no one looks at it that way.
Now, if it’s come to be *expected that you will do it, that’s fine but he shouldn’t be an a hole about it .
biddleberry wrote:
NTA. If they were so important to him, he could have communicated that, and most reasonably washed them himself.
You're a stay at home mom, you care for your children and the household.
You're not a mind reader and you don't have a separate work environment for decompression, re-focus, or de-stressing.
Tell him to do his own laundry from now on since it's a concern of his, and you can't be responsible for his unspoken expectations.
JenniLee-RN wrote:
Jesus. NTA for sure. Dude needs to grow up! I can’t understand why some guys expect their wives to play mommy to them. It doesn’t matter if you’re a SAHM. You still work full time, just taking care of the kids and house! My ex-husband went without socks a couple times, simply because he couldn’t seem to put them in the hamper.
He’d come home from work, sit his lazy a-s in front of his computer, and use his toes to roll his socks off under the desk. Then, instead of putting them in the hamper later, he would just leave them there. I got sick of crawling under the desk to get them, so I simply stopped doing it. Twice he ended up not having socks in the mornings getting ready for work, before he finally realized that I was serious.
Then it was a battle to make sure he unrolled the socks so that they could dry properly. I simply left them, rolled up and washed them and put them in the dryer like that, if they didn’t dry completely, that’s his problem not mine.