'AITA for not driving to see my mom on Mother's Day? She lives an hour away.'

"AITA for not driving to see my mom on Mother's Day?"

So here's the meat of it:

My mom (60sF) wanted me (Late 20sF) to come to her place about an hour away this weekend. The big thing she told me was to come and move some stuff I have stored on her property to another place out of the way.

I'm LC with my mom, but we've been working on our relationship, and calling once a week. Being with her definitely takes a lot of mental energy. Especially given that she's been relying on me more heavily for emotional support now that my siblings (Early20sF & 30sM) are busy and out of the house.

I have every other weekend off, and was feeling burnt out since, of the last 5 weekends I've had off, three have been spent with her and my family in general. It's ramping into the busy period of my job, so I'm more stressed than usual, and wanted a weekend with my partner (30sM).

Earlier this week, my sister had messaged me asking if I was coming to my mom's for Mother's Day, but it was a chaotic day so I accidentally left it on read and straight up forgot about the message until writing this post. Now that I think about it, it was probably her trying to secure someone to see my mom so she could go off and do her own thing.

When my mom asked me to come this weekend, I wrestled with it, but ultimately decided to stay home to do projects we needed to get done, and offered to come my next weekend off. She pushed back a bit, but I stayed firm (trying to work on boundaries) and told her I could not this weekend. She eventually gave a reluctant OK.

I got busy with the projects we were trying to finish, so called her later than usual yesterday (weekly phone call), and she didn't answer. When she called back, we were bringing food in from the grill, so wound up cutting the call short. Turns out, she spent Mother's Day alone. Im going to try and do a redo call today when work allows, but...AITA?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

Efficient-School7127 wrote:

Yes. YTA. So are your sibs. I imagine your mom might have led with “need help moving your crap out of the way” rather than “Gee, aren’t ANY of my children going to start a conversation about getting together for Mother’s Day??? In an attempt to avoid the hurt and humiliation of the latter. I get that you all aren’t close.

But it’s hard to believe that you have spent all this time recently with your family, to the point of burn-out according to you, and you and your sibs didn’t open your mouths and make a plan. Horrid planning all around.

It sure looks like you all deliberately abandoned your mom on her holiday, and you apparently went without even bothering with an intentional Mother’s Day call. Pretty cruel. Why in Heaven’s name didn’t you pick any of the other prior weekends to flex your boundaries building skills? And how many years have you been storing your crap at her place, by the way? Only “LC” where it suits you.

Intrepid_Parsley_7655 wrote:

YTA - if you’re trying to have a relationship with your mother, Mother’s Day is an important time to show up. Who cares what your siblings are doing: this is about you. If you don’t want to have a relationship going forward, then it’s fine to skip out on things like this. But otherwise, you need to suck it up and show up. Either way, get your stuff out of your mom’s place so that’s no longer a factor.

anitarielleliphe wrote:

I would not say you are an a-hole because you are one of 3 children to your mother, and there is no decree that you are your mother's keeper and the "primary or default" child.

What would have been nice is for the three of you to communicate and talk about Mother's Day a few weeks ago, and try to schedule at least one person to go, or collectively send her flowers with some sort of planned lunch later if the timing was off.

But if your relationship with your mother is not great, and she merely uses you as her errand girl, and does not reciprocate on efforts to have a more meaningful relationship...and you have spent the last 3 out of 5 weekends with her, while your siblings have not, I would not worry about it.

It is a bit telling that she was alone on Mother's Day when she has 3 nearby children, so maybe this is the wake-up call she needs to evaluate her own behavior.

NCKALA wrote:

NTA....But go get your belongings from your mom's house, she is not a storage unit for you. OP wrote ' she told me was to come and move some stuff I have stored on her property'.

Live-Pomegranate3840 wrote:

NTA. Boundaries are your friend! And it sounds like they are necessary because went LC for a reason. If she's upset about it, that's unfortunate, but not your problem. You're not responsible for her feelings.

Emotional-Check3890 wrote:

Gentle YTA, not for not being there on Mother's Day but because you and your siblings are plenty old enough to coordinate a few weeks ahead of time to make sure your mom isn't alone on Mother's Day.

Or at least plan ahead with your mom so you can say you're busy that weekend but why don't we have brunch the following week instead? Put a reminder in your phone calendar now for about 3 weeks before mother's day next year and call your siblings ahead of time so you all can plan your weekends accordingly.