'AITA for not eating the birthday cake my boyfriend got me?'
"AITA for not eating the birthday cake my boyfriend got me?"
Alright so my birthday was a couple days ago and I asked my boyfriend like a week before to get me a carrot cake. While I know its not a popular choice for a birthday cake, it's my favourite and practically the only flavour of cake I like (besides red velvet but I wasn't feeling it to be honest.)
Keeping in mind that I was gonna have a birthday party with my friends, my boyfriend suggested that I get a "flavour that people like", which I'd understand maybe if it was a huge party with tons of people, but I know MY friends and I know they wouldn't mind carrot cake at all. (edit: should clarify, I told him that my friends would be fine with carrot cake and to get it anyway.)
Anyways fast forward to my birthday, my boyfriend goes and gets the cake from the shop in the afternoon and I don't get to see it since im getting ready, but he doesn't mention anything to me about it, so I think nothing of it since i like a surprise.
My friends arrive and everything's going great until its time for the cake to be served. We gather around the table and everyone sings happy birthday while my boyfriend brings out the cake, and to my horror, i see this big chocolate cake in his hands. I hate chocolate cake. It makes me sick. He KNOWS I hate chocolate cake.
My face fell when I saw it but I obvs didn't say anything at the time. However, I did give my bf a glare or two, which he clearly picked up on since he kept insisting I eat the cake in front of everyone as we were serving it out.
Something about that made me angry in the moment and I refused to try the cake at all. I cut it, I blew out the candles, I handed it out to everyone, but I didn't try it myself.
I don't think the others took huge notice but once the party ended i started getting unready when my boyfriend comes into our room and is like "why do you have to act like a child all the time??"
And I'm like what the hell and he's like "you have to make a scene just cos I didn't get your effing carrot cake" and he went on about how nobody likes carrot cake and how I'm spoiled and selfish and looked stupid not eating cake at my own birthday and then claimed he couldn't find carrot cake which is crazy cos:
1. I've never not gone to that shop and NOT seen carrot cake, and
2. even if there wasn't any he coulda picked ANY other flavour, besides the only one I hate.
I told him that and he just got really upset like I was the one who started the fight and started going on about how I was overreacting over cake and how he tried his best to make this birthday good for me (which in fairness is true since he put a lot of effort into organising it for me) but honestly I was just livid then.
Now we're still kinda off about it and neither of us have like apologised or anything but I'm starting to think I did overreact over cake and I probably shoulda just eaten it and then talked to him later but I don't know. 😭
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I'm feeling kinda spicy, so I'll just let it out. Why are you living with a man who doesn't give a damn about your request? Celebrate your birthday by kicking him to the curb.
There’s a specific type of “nice guy” that pulls this kind of shit to get a reaction. He’s telling you he doesn’t care about your preferences and angled it to see if you would say something in front of others or not. Now he knows you’ll keep his bad behavior private. Get out of there. NTA.
NTA. It’s your birthday — the one day that’s supposed to actually be about you — and you made a simple, reasonable request. He didn’t just "forget" or make a mistake, he deliberately ignored what you wanted, picked something he knew you hate, and then tried to guilt-trip you when you (very calmly, honestly) didn’t eat it. That’s not you overreacting — that’s you having a totally normal boundary.
You didn’t throw a tantrum. You didn’t ruin the party. You just didn’t eat a cake you can’t stand. And honestly, him calling you "childish" and "selfish" over it says a lot more about his immaturity than yours. You’re not wrong for wanting your birthday to actually feel like your birthday.
NTA. Everyone deserves to get the flavor cake they want on their own birthday! Unless they want something completely unreasonable like a poison cake or a 24 carat gold caviar cake, etc.
But in this case, I'd say make an exception and buy him a carrot cake on his birthday and do the same to him that he did to you if you even make it that long haha. Side note, carrot cake is awesome and wildly popular. Especially this time of year! Go get yourself some carrot cake right now!! Happy belated birthday!
He did this on purpose. Let’s just say he couldn’t find a carrot cake. He would’ve sent you a text that said “Oh my God .. I can’t find a carrot cake. I going to have to get something else. What is your second choice???”
That’s what a normal boyfriend would do. Apologize for not finding what you wanted and ask you what your second choice is. A bad boyfriend would buy something he knew you hated, and then tested you in front of your friends to see how you would react. Oh, and then shame you for making a scene… even though you didn’t make a scene at all. He is a jerk.
It isn’t overreacting. A cake flavour may seem “small” in the grand scheme, but it’s a message your significant other is telling you that your preferences and desires do not matter to them, not even on a day that is designed to be for you (your birthday party).
Furthermore, him doubling down on his choice by calling you a child, and then projecting onto you that you’re selfish because you prefer a different type of cake and then didn’t want to eat a type of cake that you do not like.
It further shows that YOU - who you are - doesn’t matter to him, and he will prioritize himself or others over you at every turn. And continue in even bigger ways to treat you like trash.
He also literally could’ve gotten a carrot cake for you AND some other cake. Instead he only got the other cake. Even if his excuse of the store not having it is true, he could have gone to several other stores, or actually deigned to order ahead of time, to ensure you got your carrot cake.
The fact he did none of this and pretty well purposely didn’t get you a carrot cake, is him literally sending a message that you don’t matter to him - at least not beyond however he uses you to validate himself.
This is not a good partner. I mean on the most basic level everyone knows that a bday party is for that person, and you get a dessert that person likes… like seriously, again, EVERYONE knows that.