'AITA for not fighting for us to get our cat back?' 'She'll never understand my choice.'
"AITA for not fighting for us to get our cat back?"
My wife and I rented one half of a duplex for 4 years. In that time, we adopted our cat, Addie. A year and a half ago, there was a fire caused by someone on the other half of the duplex. The house was destroyed. We lost a lot, but luckily Addie was okay.
We temporarily moved in with my brother’s family. They were amazing to us. The kids loved Addie. It soon became clear that our landlord was going to have to tear down the duplex and rebuild as the damage was that bad. We needed to find a new place to live.
After endless searching, we realized all the vacancies that we could afford in our area didn’t allow cats. My brother and SIL generously offered to keep Addie while we tried to get off the waitlist at a pet friendly apartment. In the past year and a half, we’ve visited their home frequently and have gotten to see Addie.
To add, if it matters, my brother’s family began financially taking care of her. Including vet bills, food, etc. They refused to take our money. The more time that passed, I knew the odds of us being able to take Addie back were slim.
My SIL works from home so Addie’s gotten used to someone being around. Whereas my wife and I work in offices in a different city. The kids were also growing more attached. I tried to have this conversation with my wife multiple times but she was in denial.
Last month, we finally got off the waitlist for a better apartment that allows pets. My wife instantly called my brother to ask about Addie. He asked that we meet with him and his wife for dinner.
As I expected, they asked if they could keep Addie. They said they had grown attached to her. That the kids would have a hard time but they felt Addie would too as she’d gotten used to them and their lifestyle. I have to admit, Addie does seem happy there.
My wife started to protest, but I said we’d think about it. At home, I told her this was for the best. She got pissed and said she wants Addie back. That we had a deal. I said we need to think about what’s best for Addie and also what’s fair to everyone.
Ultimately, she reluctantly agreed. We still see Addie, but my wife acts different when we’re there. Sometimes I feel she resents my brother and his family for keeping Addie. But she won’t discuss it. Recently, a friend asked if we’d ever get another cat.
My wife said no as she feels I’d just give it away again. I was hurt and said I never would’ve given her away if not for the circumstances. She made it clear she’ll never understand my choice. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
spicytraveler said:
Yeah, YTA, and I agree with your wife. It sounds like you barely tried and took the easy way out by letting it get to the point where she could be guilted into giving up the cat.
"Best for Addie," "the kids were attached" bruh please. Most cats can adapt to a person being gone at work and kids can learn that not everything they like is theirs to keep, and your brother can (gasp) get them another cat THAT DOESN'T ALREADY BELONG TO SOMEONE.
Your wife clearly was not on board with this change and it sounds like you all whined enough that she couldn't fight the three of you. I'd never trust you with an animal again either if that's what you consider an acceptable amount of reasons not to take a pet back when you had a pre-established expectation.
Primary-Criticism929 said:
YTA. Why did you let your brother and his wife pay for the cat ? You knew, and yet you did nothing. You didn't talk to your brother. You didn't talk to your wife. You just let things get to a point where your wife was guilted into guving up her pet. Would you have done the same thing if it had been your kid?
Cold-Carpet-6140 said:
ESH. (Except wife & cat) You for not making it clear to your brother and SIL that Addie was your cat and you pay for her & she will be coming back to your home - and they suck for making you feel guilty for wanting your own pet back. Your wife has every right to feel upset because you gave away her cat to your family.
rainbow_wallflower said:
Wow, I'd be so pissed if my partner let their family member steal my pet. YTA, and a huge one. I'd be looking into divorce over this, because you refuse to fight for a member of your family.
Always_travelin said:
YTA. As I assume Addie was adopted by the two of you and not just you, this is decidedly a "two yes/one no" situation. You screwed up massively by not talking to your wife before the dinner and letting her know where you stood.
Eltecolotl said:
YTA, I’d go to hell and back for my pets, they are my family. Would they live better lives on a rich Texan’s summer ranch? Maybe, but they are like my children. Go get your cat back!