'AITA for not forgiving my mom after she stole my inheritance and spent it on family expenses?'

"AITA for not forgiving my mom after she stole my inheritance?"

I (28F) recently found out that my mom (50s) has been hiding a pretty big secret from me and my siblings. Our grandfather passed away a few years ago, and he left each of his grandchildren a trust fund that he said he wanted us to have once we turned 25.

I wasn’t expecting much—just a small inheritance that would help me out, especially with student loans and some other debt. A few weeks ago, my older brother (30M) mentioned something about the trust fund, and I realized I had never received any details or money.

I assumed maybe I was just missing something, so I asked my mom about it. To my shock, she told me that she had already “taken care of it” for me. I assumed she meant that she had invested it or kept it in a safe place until I was ready, but no—she straight-up told me she had spent it on things like “family expenses” and “emergencies.”

When I asked her why she didn’t tell me about it, she just brushed it off and said she didn’t think I needed it and “wasn’t responsible enough to handle that kind of money.” She even said that she knew best about what I “needed” and that I’d probably just waste it anyway. To say I was furious is an understatement.

I confronted her about it, and she tried to defend herself by saying it was for “the good of the family” and that the money was used to help with things like bills, repairs, and other family-related issues. When I asked why she didn’t ask for our permission first, she said that she didn’t think we would understand and that it was “her decision” since she was the one who “raised us.”

She kept saying that I should just be grateful for what she did. I’m absolutely heartbroken and angry. It feels like she completely disregarded my right to that money, and I can’t believe she thought it was okay to make decisions about something that was mine without telling me. I’ve been avoiding her ever since, and now I’m considering cutting her out of my life for good.

My brother, on the other hand, says I’m overreacting and that she did what she thought was best. My dad is also saying that “family is more important than money” and that I should just let it go. But I feel like this is about trust, and I don’t think I can forgive her for this. AITA for not forgiving my mom for stealing my inheritance?

The internet did not hold back.

Alarmed_Jellyfish555 wrote:

Your brother got his inheritance, didn't he? Any chance you're treated differently than your siblings in general and this is just part of that? There's a limited amount of time you have to pursue something like this legally and it typically depends on when you found out about it. Now that you know, you have to take action quickly.

If it's a large sum, you need a lawyer. If it's small, then take it to small claims court. Your family is manipulating you. And I have a feeling this is only part of a much bigger issue considering everyone else is excusing your mother's atrocious actions. If any of your other siblings had this happen to them, get them involved immediately.

beeyesnafeez wrote:

My brother’s a lawyer, he said there’s cases where you could get the money back (+ interest). Not saying you should do it for the money, but you should do “what’s best” (get the money back)…

Any-Expression2246 wrote:

Get a lawyer involved and find out exactly how much you were supposed to get and where it actually went.

Educational-Bid-4321 wrote:

Your grandfather's will and or trust should be public record so get to the county courthouse where he lived when he died and get a copy. If he had a family trust it likely was a lot more money than your parents are saying as most don't bother with a trust unless it's more money. Girl, GO!

When your parents are contacted by your lawyer they will cry to you to drop it. Don't be stupid but they can be in a lot of trouble as it's absolutely illegal what they did. Don't fold hun. Someone dropped the ball here and owes you. You need to find out how much exactly. Start with your grandfather's attorney. They have all you need to know.

Twinkling_Moon_Charm wrote:

It sounds like your mom made a major breach of trust here, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling betrayed and hurt.

Inheritance, especially when it’s something promised and expected, is about more than just money—it’s about respect, boundaries, and the acknowledgment of what’s rightfully yours. Your mom didn’t just spend the money without consulting you; she made a decision that essentially took away your right to decide how you wanted to use the funds.

It’s not about the money itself—it’s about the lack of respect and the violation of your autonomy. Your mom’s reasoning that you weren’t “responsible enough” to handle the money is also quite dismissive and condescending. It sounds like she made the decision based on her judgment of you rather than considering what you might want or need.

I get that your family might be trying to minimize this situation, focusing on “family is more important than money,” but that doesn’t invalidate how you feel about the situation. Trust is a huge factor in any relationship, and in your case, it’s been broken in a way that could be hard to repair. If you’re feeling like you can’t forgive her for this, you’re not being unreasonable.

Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to set boundaries in this situation. You don’t have to forgive her just because others think you should. If this is something that’s really eating at you and affecting your relationship with her, it might take time to process and figure out what you need moving forward. You’re not obligated to just let it go.