'AITA for not giving away my child’s rare backpack to my sister's boyfriend's daughter?'

"AITA for not giving away my child’s rare backpack?"

My 13 year old daughter has been obsessed with loungefly backpacks for the last 3 years. Everyone has bought some for her. She probably has 50 or so and is constantly showing them off.

She has a large following on Instagram and TikTok showing off her bags. (I monitor her activities and help her post she does not even have access to the accounts on her her own). My sister Stevie just started dating this man who has a daughter Zoey who is 15. Stevie has had financial issues due to her lifestyle habits. I believe her boyfriend is in the same boat but both are recovering.

However Zoey has a birthday coming up and Stevie wanted me to give her one of my daughter’s bags that she saw on Instagram because it is Zoey’s favorite character and the bag has been discontinued. She showed me the price on ebay it’s about $500 and Zoey really wants that bag. The thing is it was one of my daughter’s first bags and she love that character.

It’s also my daughter’s property and it’s not like I can just give away her things.

I told her I would split the cost of a new bag for Zoey if that’s what my sister wanted since she’s short of funds but my sister insisted she should give Zoey the rare bag and put Zoey on my daughter TikTok.

I told her the TikTok is my daughter’s project and I’m not putting Zoey on it. I have this conversation with my youngest children who are 7 & 10. That their sister doesn’t have to include them in the video if she doesn’t want to.

My sister thinks I’m being selfish about the bag and not including Zoey on her “Famous TikToks." I told my sister she’s being ridiculous and we have never even met Zoey and making these demands is ridiculous. My sister said I and my daughter are spoiled and bougie and she will never ask for my help again.

My mother understands and sided with my daughter and I so my sister made a big TikTok about cutting t-xic family members off. It’s kind of ridiculous of her and I’m not talking to her now and my mom told her that she needs to apologize for this. My sister acts like I’m b-llying her and Zoey but again I have never even met the teenager.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

ProfessorYaffle1 wrote:

NTA. It's not your bag to give away. Your daughter doesn't know this girl, and she loves the bag and that character, so it seems unlikely that she would wish to give it away, especially to someone she doesn't know. You were very generous in your offer to split the cost to buy a bag so Zoey could have a bag of her own.

Obviously, families vary, but I would not have thought that 'child of your sibling's a new boyfriend' is someone you would normally expect to buy gifts for, other than perhaps a small gift if they are joining the wider family for Christmas , or if you are invited to their birthday party.

Your sister is being greedy and entitled. If her relationship flourishes and yor daughter gets to know Zoey, then of course she may chose to include her on Insta or TikTok,bu it is bizarre to expect her to induce a random person she's never met. Is your sister normally this unhinged or is this unusual for her?

OP responded:

Unfortunately, this is normal for her.

GirlDad2023_ wrote:

'My sister said I and my daughter are spoiled and bougie and she will never ask for my help again.' Well then it's a win-win for you and your daughter. Your sister doesn't respect you or your daughter. So you just saved yourself half the cost of the backpack you offered to pay for. NTA.

LawyerDad1981 wrote:

As dumbfounding as I find it for a kid (or anyone) to own FIFTY backpacks, your sister is obviously being both entitled and ridiculous.

NTA. Where the hell do you STORE all of these?????

OP responded:

My husband made a step ladder type thing for her with hooks.

Ducky818 wrote:

NTA but your sister is a doozy of one. You are correct in that it is your daughter's property to do with as she pleases. Your sister can ask but needs to accept whatever answer she gets. She believes she is entitled to other people's things. She is not.

You are lucky if she doesn't contact you again if this is her behavior. She needs to earn to get what she wants. You are being MORE than generous by offering to contribute to an expensive purchase for a kid you don't even know. You're better than I.

Yo-KaiWatchFan2102 wrote:

“It’s also my daughter’s property and it’s not like I can just give away her things” OP you are right, it’s not your things to give away it’s your daughters things to give away if she wants to, if Stevie wants to buy a $500 bag for her daughter then she can do that.

NTA, OP, I think your sister has become an entitled parent, she’s not entitled to your daughter's stuff, I would also keep an eye on her when she’s around your house, entitled people usually have only two modes, what’s beneath them and their own reflection.

I get the feeling that if she is over at your house, she may attempt to take your daughter‘s bag.

Also, when your sister says that she will never ask for your help again, I’d be like “oh, you promise?“

TheFilthyDIL wrote:

NTA. Given the number of posts we see where parents have given away their children's stuff because "you're too old for that" or "I thought you didn't care about that anymore" or even "you have 49 other backpacks, don't be selfish!" I commend you for being a responsible parent who doesn't steal from your child!

GaimanitePkat wrote:

ESH. Your sister for her ridiculous request. You for allowing your children to fall into the hypercapitalist conspicuous consumption machine of social media. A thirteen year old child should not have a "large following" on social media. A seven year old does not need to be broadcasted to an audience of a million strangers.

Missus_Nicola wrote:

Which bag is it? I love loungefly.

OP responded:

It’s the dog from nightmare before Christmas.